# Favorite Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937 "2000-08-19T03:28:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/1 "2000-08-19T03:28:24Z")
Well, the Mel Blanc thread is on its way (see [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34191](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34191)), let’s go for some Simpsons quotes: Homer: Don’t eat me, I have a wife and kids. Eat them! Homer: Look at this Bible, it cost me fifteen bucks, and talk about a preachy book, sheesh, everybody’s a sinner. And there’s this one guy… Lisa: But Dad, you’re giving in to mob mentality. Homer: No I’m not Lisa, I’m just jumping on the bandwagon. Marge: Oh Homer, you’re only hearing what you want to hear. Homer: Gee, an omlete sounds fine right about now. Bart: Oh boy, the Fireworks, Candy and Puppydog store! Bart: Cool! I want to be around when all of these guns start going off. Homer: Now give me some inner peace, or I’ll mop the floor with you. Montgomery Burns’ son: (Played by Rodney Dangerfield) Wow, this guy has more bread than a prison meatloaf. Burns: Ethical business practices? Yes, that’s just the sort of radical new thinking we need around here. Burns: Doughnut, I told you I don’t like ethnic food. The Stonecutter’s Drinking Song: (Spoof on the Freemasons) Who controls the English crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do… We do. Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do… We do. Who holds back the electric car? Who made Whoopi Goldberg a star? We do… We do. Who made the Kingfish lose his sight? Who rigs every oscar night? We do… We do… Also: The Minnesota Spankological Protocol Note: In Hollyweird, being a voice on the Simpsons is considered the ne plus ultra for the in crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/2 "2000-08-19T03:39:50Z")
D’oh! Mmm…Beer… ---
**Author:** ![KCB615](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ea666f/32.png) [@KCB615](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KCB615)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/3 "2000-08-19T03:58:01Z")
Ralph Wiggum: “I bent my wookie” Chief Wiggum, in pursuit: “I’m on a road, appears to be asphalt, the sun is directly overhead…now.” Homer: “Dean, you’re a stupid head” Dean: “Homer, is that you?” Homer: “Ahhh!” ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/4 "2000-08-19T04:06:35Z")
:: dropzone clears his throat in order to give a better jaded-but-still-high-and-mighty oldbie impression :: Ahem. I believe you will find more [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29898) ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/5 "2000-08-19T04:06:44Z")
Someone had to do it: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=18879](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=18879) [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29898](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29898) [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23457](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23457) [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=13346](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=13346) Mine are in there somewhere. Hey, it’s traditional - you post something that’s been done before, and some a-hole points it out! ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/6 "2000-08-19T04:17:12Z")
Perhaps the Newbie should just follow Homer’s example and say: “HELP ME JEEBUS!” ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/7 "2000-08-19T04:34:28Z")
I replied somewhere in those ones listed already I bet but here is my fav again… Milhouse to Bart about Souls and Sneezing - “When you sneeze… thats your soul trying to escape and saying God bless you shoves it back in.” I may have paraphrased a bit though. But I know I got the most of it. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/8 "2000-08-19T04:42:43Z")
Thanks smeghead for the reference. Now all those laughs are just a click away. Someone please correct me on one of my new favorites… Homer: “Homer function not well beer without” ---
**Author:** ![Tzel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Tzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/9 "2000-08-19T06:42:12Z")
Lisa: At least promise that you’ll try not to scare the blind man. Bart: I can’t promise that I’ll try, but I’ll try to try. ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/10 "2000-08-19T16:17:49Z")
Wow, this thread dpes seem to come up every couple of months. I’ve posted several of mine several times in the threads listed above. So, peruse them there, and if I feel inclined to type 'em up again, I might come back and put 'em here. ---
**Author:** ![JosephFinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3bc359/32.png) [@JosephFinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JosephFinn)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/11 "2000-08-19T17:04:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\* > The Stonecutter’s Drinking Song: > (Spoof on the Freemasons) > > Who holds back the electric car? > Who made Whoopi Goldberg a star? > We do… We do. > \*\* Actually, it’s Steve Guttenberg, not Whoopi. If you look quickly during that line, you can see Guttenberg sitting at the table. ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/12 "2000-08-19T19:42:55Z")
Homer: In each of us there is a battle between good and evil that can never be resolved. :Cut to Homer’s brain, a Devil-Homer is dancing on the grave of Good Homer: Devil-Homer (singing) : I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! Homer: Use your brains to help us; your sweet, tasty brains. Zombie Krusty: To enter, send me your parent’s brains; or write parent’s brains on a 3 X 5 postcard. The entire Scorpio Episode. Virtual Gengis: Hi Lisa, I’m Gengis Kahn. Togeter, we’ll tavel back in time. You’ll see what I see, Eat who I eat, Defile what I defile. Smithers: You don’t understand; Mr. Burns had crossed the line between regular everyday villainry and cartoonish Super-villainry. Dr. Collosus: Bah! He was a rank amatuer compared to ME! Bart: Dad, don’t you remember: Ned Flanders is the undisputed lord and master of Earth. Kang/Sherman: What happed to us, Kodos? Kodos/Mr. Peabody: Quiet You! ---
**Author:** ![SoMoMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@SoMoMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoMoMom)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/13 "2000-08-19T20:31:11Z")
The one I sent my sister when she was first learning how to use her computer (I might not have it exactly right): Homer: “To start press any key…Which one’s the Anykey?” She lost it in her AOL mail. 😃 The one that we say whenever the kids ask for chocolate: Homer: “Mmmmmmmmmmmm, chooooooooocolaaaaaaaaate.” ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/14 "2000-08-19T20:57:13Z")
Possible slight misquotage here, but… **Homer** : Awww, $20!? I wanted a peanut! **Homer’s Mind** : [Bubble cloud expands overs Homer’s head] $20 can buy many peanuts. **Homer** : Explain how. **Homer’s Mind** : Money can be exchanged for goods and services. **Homer** : Woo-hoo! ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/15 "2000-08-19T20:59:13Z")
Damn, what the hell happened… **Homer** : Awww, $20!? I wanted a peanut! **Homer’s Mind** : [Bubble cloud expands overs Homer’s head] $20 can buy many peanuts. **Homer** : Explain how. **Homer’s Mind** : Money can be exchanged for goods and services. **Homer** : Woo-hoo! ---
**Author:** ![SoMoMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@SoMoMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoMoMom)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/16 "2000-08-19T21:28:25Z")
Homer: I prefer to listen to Cheap Trick. ---
**Author:** ![Gregor\_Samsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/17 "2000-08-19T22:19:38Z")
I think the best lines came from Professor Frink (Professor Frink, Professor Frink, he’ll make you laugh, he’ll make you think…) **"Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving"** **"Unshrink you?! Well, that would require some sort of a Rebigulator which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle - but not at you, oh holiest of gods with the wrathfulness and the bloodrain and the ‘hey hey hey it hurts me’"** - said to Lisa after he shrunk her with the Debigulator. Truly words to live by. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2000, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/18 "2000-08-20T02:00:10Z")
From _Citizen Kang_ (the one where Kang and Kodos take over the bodies of Clinton and Dole during the election): **Kang/Dole** : Abortions for all. **Crowd** : Boooooo!!! **Kang/Dole** : Very well, no abortions for anyone. **Crowd** : Boooooo!!! **Kang/Dole** : Hmm… Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. **Crowd** : Yayyyyy!!! ---
**Author:** ![TwungTister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TwungTister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwungTister)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/19 "2002-12-10T18:22:17Z")
\*\*Abe:\*\*We’ve got to kill the vampire! \*\*Marge:\*\*How’d you know he’s a vampire? \*\*Abe:\*\*Bart’s a vampire?! AAAAAACCCCKKK! \*\*Marge:\*\*We’ve got to do something! Today he’s drinking blood, tomorrow he might be smoking! ` THE best anti-antidrug statement in a movie. ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/20 "2002-12-10T20:02:20Z")
“One of your carbon blobs from sector 7g.” “I don’t think women and seamen mix, sir.” “Ahoy-hoy.” “Aaargh. This chair be high says I.” “My cat’s breath smells like catfood.” “My mouth tastes like burning.” “Whoa. A fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a hit with the ladies, pal.” That’s enough for now. Plus, there’s my sig. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937.md?page=2)