# Favorite Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937 "2000-08-19T03:28:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/21 "2002-12-10T20:19:59Z")
Even though this thread comes up every couple of months, I could still read these for days. (1950’s educational film on the benefits of meat eating) Kid: Some of my friends say it’s wrong to eat meat Actor: No, Timmy. That’s just communist propaganda! (Ralph; hitting on Lisa) Ralph: So. Do you…like…stuff? (Homer, buying a gun) Clerk: I’m sorry, but there’s a 5 day waiting period. Homer: But I’m angry now! Clerk: Sorry Homer: If I had a gun, I’d shoot you! Way too many to pick just a few! ---
**Author:** ![evilhomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/43a26b/32.png) [@evilhomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilhomer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/22 "2002-12-10T20:51:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ArkonDLoC \* > \*\*Homer: In each of us there is a battle between good and evil that can never be resolved. > :Cut to Homer’s brain, a Devil-Homer is dancing on the grave of Good Homer: > Devil-Homer (singing) : I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! > \*\* For some reason, I like that one too 😃 Other favorites: (Refering to the Lard Lad statue) Homer:Hmm, he came to life. Good for him! Homer:Mmmmm…Forbidden Doughnut. Apu: I am selling only the concept of Karmic re-alignment. Homer: You can’t sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. Apu: He has got me there! (Posing as Ganesh, being poked with sticks by wedding guests) Homer: Stop it! You’ll only get more wrath. (When Bart starts working at the Maison Derriere) Bart: Lady, I have got to tell you - I have been grossly misinformed about witches. ---
**Author:** ![TheOtherOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TheOtherOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOtherOne)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/23 "2002-12-10T20:55:54Z")
What episode was it when homer sang a beer song that went something like "Do- the stuff/I use to buy the beer, Re(y)-the guy who sells me beer, Mi-the guy who drinks the beer etc etc? I love the line when he sings Tea- no thanks, I’m having beer!..I’ve been trying to find a .wav of that damn song forever! “That was my retirement grease!” ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/24 "2002-12-10T21:34:04Z")
Some of these quotes are mangled beyond recognition. For shame.😉 Some of mine: **I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am!** - Homer **I’m going… outside… to… stalk… Lenny and… Carl… D’oh!** - Homer **What are you going to do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they open their mouths they shoot bees at you?** - Homer **He’s going to kill Rod and Todd! That’s horrible!. In principle.** - Bart **\ Earth to boring guy:** - Bart **Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad. Homer: Why thank you, honey!** I’m also trying to get into the habit of saying “Yoink” whenever I take something. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/25 "2002-12-10T21:41:26Z")
This isn’t directly from the Simpsons, but here’s the version I know: Dough, the stuff that buys me beer Ray, the guy who sells me beer Me, the guy who drinks my beer Far, a long way to go for beer So, I think I’ll have a beer La…ger is a kind of beer Tea, no thanks, I’d rather have a beer, Which brings us back to Dough, I need more Dough … etc. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/26 "2002-12-10T21:42:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KCB615 \* > Chief Wiggum, in pursuit: “I’m on a road, appears to be asphalt, the sun is directly overhead…now.” Hey, no truncating my _favorite_ Simpsons quote! [Chief Wiggum, into radio, excitedly] Am in pursuit of a red… [squints] car; license plate reads: [squints, plate reads: EXCON] _Egg_plant _Xer_xes _Cry_baby _Over_bite _Nar_whal; I’m on a road, appears to be apshalt; the sun is directly overhead… now! ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/27 "2002-12-10T21:52:36Z")
**Wiggum** : “Afternoon, Homer. Care for some chili? I’ve added an extra ingredient just for you. The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum!” **Homer** : “Uh, Wiggy? My chili’s getting cold.” ---
**Author:** ![ForgottenLore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/28 "2002-12-10T21:58:57Z")
My all time favorite: Lisa: You don’t understand me at all! Homer: Oh, Lisa. Just be cause I don’t _care_ doesn’t mean I don’t _understand._ And the runner up: [Apu, atop the Kwik-e-mart with a rifle] Have a nice day, I will see you in Hell! ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/29 "2002-12-10T22:08:46Z")
Terri: “You ruined our undefeated season!! You ruined everything, ruiner!! [sub]My sister likes you[/sub]” Character from **The Bloodening** : “But you’re the ones who’ve been bad. Doctor, we know you and the bootblack have been rogering the fishwife at the crumpet shop.” (The accompanying visuals make this one of course). Chinese Ambassador: “You pay now!!!” Bart in the future: “What happened to you China? You used to be cool.” Chinese Ambassador: “Hey!! China’s still cool!! You pay later! LATER!!” Basically the ENTIRE Mr. Sparkle episode. “Hello chief. Let’s talk, why not? You have many questions, Mr, Sparkle. I send you premium - answer question, hundred percent!” “I am disrespectful to dirt!! Can you see that I am serious!! Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?” ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/30 "2002-12-10T22:27:55Z")
Also from Mr. Sparkle, “I banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts!” “In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!” – Homer From the episode where Germans buy the nuclear plant. Homer says he has lots of ideas, followed by a long, long silence. German guy: “… such as?” Just thinking the words “such as” in a German accent cracks me up every time. “Canyonero! Hyah!” “Please don’t chase me! I’m full of chocolate!” – Uter (German boy) ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937/31 "2002-12-11T00:10:44Z")
Lenny: “Wow, Homer. How’d you get REM?” Homer (aside): “They think they’re saving the rain forest!” Homer: “Oh, no! The roast beef is giving them strength and the falafel is making them angry!” Homer: “What I meant to say was that marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. But as coffins go …” Homer: “Okay, brain. I don’t like you and you don’t like me. But just get me through this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.” Otto: “One time, Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for a whole week. It wasn’t little either. It was a chicken wing.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quotes/29937.md?page=1)