# Favourite Benny Hill Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 4, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395 "2006-08-04T22:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Hermione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/cdc98d/32.png) [@Hermione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermione)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/61 "2013-04-17T15:25:53Z")
A related item I always got a kick out of… I think it was on the standup show “London Underground” that they used to run on Comedy Central. A middle-aged comedienne started off her routine with, “Well, I’m glad Benny Hill is dead.” The audience wasn’t too pleased with that–there were a few boos. She answered, “Well, I’m sorry…I just don’t see anything funny about a 70-year-old perv running around after women with really, really big…career problems!” She may have had a point, but I always liked his stuff…even as a kid when half of it went over my head. ---
**Author:** ![Arkcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Arkcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arkcon)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/62 "2013-04-17T17:20:02Z")
> [@Saltire](#): > > A musical number, titled “The Streaker’s Ball” > > Benny:“Susan came along, she’s a lovely bit of stuff” > Background Singers:“at the Streaker’s Ball!” > Benny:“Johnny had a stroke, and so did Mister Duff” > Background Singers:“at the Streaker’s Ball!” > Benny:“I wanted one as well, but I wasn’t quick enough!” > Background Singers:“at the Streaker’s Ball!” They had a streaker’s wedding, at least that’s what I’m told _At the Streaker’s Ball,_ And the bridegroom couldn’t find a place to put his button hole _At the Streaker’s Ball_ A bridesmaid was heard to mutter, “Oh, what utter bliss, A slap-up streaker’s wedding is a thing I’d never miss. And you can always tell who the best man is,” _At the Streaker’s Ball…_ a whakka wakka wakka, whakka wkakka wakkka, whakka whakka whkka TOOT That bit was always funny. And not just because the french horn blew up the girl’s skirt. The way Benny enunciates the last line in each paragraph, extra intense, because this is the dirty bit folks. Cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/63 "2013-04-17T18:58:31Z")
One of his most risque that I can remember was a song in which a man says of his wife (while seeming to talk of food) “I loved eating olives, and you ate herbs I know, I stopped eating olives but Herb refused to go!” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/64 "2013-04-17T21:07:51Z")
A man (Benny) walks into his bedroom and finds his wife in bed with three other men in various stages of undress in the room. Benny: Allo Allo Allo!!! Wife: Ain’t ya gonna speak to me? ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/65 "2013-04-17T21:32:22Z")
He was playing a news reader, and said, “Britain will switch to driving on the right side of the road, as is done on the Continent. Officials say the change will be made gradually.” ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/66 "2013-04-17T21:50:21Z")
I remember seeing _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ opening weekend. Afterwards my friends and I laughed about how they “used a Benny Hill joke”. Yep, the famous “swordsman does an elaborate intimidating show of skill only to be shot once by the hero” had been used in one of Benny’s extended skits. The Benny Hill one was a ninja or other martial artist attacking a cop or spy (Hill), who quietly pulls out a pistol and shoots the ninja. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/67 "2013-04-17T22:01:09Z")
“I’d rather ‘av’ the pudding!” In context, amusing. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/68 "2013-04-18T08:20:26Z")
A sketch about Benny being kidnapped by a MILF (long before the term was ever coined). He picks up the phone and dials Scotland Yard… “Scotland Yard…'ello, Burt…Look, there’s a strange woman 'ere and she’d 'olding me 'ostage… No. Holding. ME. Hostage.” You have to sound it out to get the gag, but it’s hysterical. I loved his Fred Scuttle character… My favorite sketch of his was his moon-rocket. “Indestructible The Second” Interviewer: “What happened to Indestructible The First?” “It fell apart, sir.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/69 "2013-04-18T20:13:55Z")
My favorite one was a no-talking, music only skit he did. Benny is playing a homeless guy sleeping in a park and the girl in a billboard comes to life and dances with him. It is not laugh out loud funny but kind of touching and a very well done bit. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/70 "2013-04-19T15:21:19Z")
Vague memories so no quotes (and can’t find Youtube links). Didn’t he have a running/returning bit with a man telling a story about his wife–the story punctuated with “_not a lot of people know that_” or something? And was he the ‘kid’ that was interviewed about his day in the park? Jokes were something like “oh yes, everyone there had big 'appy tits.” After confusion he was supposed to be saying “appetites.” Very Peter Sellers-like. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/71 "2013-04-19T16:10:01Z")
I remember one sketch where he was the host of a Name-That-Tune-like game show, and the contestants were the old man (Jackie?) and one of the Angels, and Hill was desperately trying to help the pretty lady win. Well, the song was Londonderry Air, and I can remember when the Angel’s turn came, Hill turning his back to the contestants and pointing at his behind. (London derriere…) ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/72 "2013-04-19T16:21:40Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I remember one sketch where he was the host of a Name-That-Tune-like game show, and the contestants were the old man (Jackie?) and one of the Angels, and Hill was desperately trying to help the pretty lady win. Well, the song was Londonderry Air, and I can remember when the Angel’s turn came, Hill turning his back to the contestants and pointing at his behind. (London derriere…) I’m guessing you were [12 years old](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7647203#post7647203) at the time, right? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/73 "2013-04-19T16:31:28Z")
> [@USCDiver](#): > > I’m guessing you were [12 years old](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7647203#post7647203) at the time, right? The hazards of a zombie thread…not remembering that you’re one of the zombies! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/74 "2013-04-19T17:05:14Z")
> [@CaptMurdock](#): > > I loved his Fred Scuttle character.. My favorite sketch of his was his moon-rocket. > > “Indestructible The Second” > > Interviewer: “What happened to Indestructible The First?” > > “It fell apart, sir.” > > 😃 Fred Scuttle’s response to a statement about five hundred topless women: “That’d be a thousand pities, sir.” Followed by, “Think about it! … No, wait, DON’T think about it!” ---
**Author:** ![Arkcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Arkcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arkcon)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/75 "2013-04-23T00:16:17Z")
> [@koeeoaddi](#): > > Another ‘I can’t stand Benny Hill, but I loved this bit’ post. > > **They Thought It Couldn’t Be Done** > > [Just Benny at a podium reciting a long glurgy inspirational poem ending with…] > > _They thought that it could not be done, > Some even said they knew it, > But he faced up to what could not be done…_ > > _And he couldn’t bloody do it!_ In a similar situation, a drunk Bobb Todd recited: _It’s drink that makes you angry It’s drink that makes you sore It’s drink that makes you buy a gun to kill your mother-in-law It’s drink that makes you load it and what’s more I’ll tell you this It’s drink that make you fire it -urp- **And it’s drink that makes you miss.** _ ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/76 "2013-04-23T00:46:09Z")
Ah, Jane Leeves. Nice girl, no chest atall atall… Three Benny skits stick in my mind. One is the little guy parking a bicycle by wedging the front wheel into the buttcrack of a statue, with copious squeaky-fart noises. The other is a recitation about two guys in a bar and one proving his eyesight is perfect by saying he can see the cat coming in, and what’s more, the cat has only one eye, and at that, it has a sty in his eye. Punchline “…that cat is going OUT!” (Link to the whole thing, someone?) My favorite is a very gentle wordless sketch. Benny robs a bank and runs to an open field. With his back to a big tree, he carefully counts off ten steps, digs a hole, and buries the loot. He is then arrested and we see him in prison, smiling as he thinks of the money. He gets out, he goes to the tree, he counts off steps… one, two, three, four, five, six and WHAM into the side of an enormous brick building. Cue tears. ---
**Author:** ![ALM039](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@ALM039](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ALM039)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/77 "2019-04-16T10:33:02Z")
I know it’s a damn old thread but i need your help, guys In 90s, Benny’s show was on Russian tv and my favorite episode was about his character who bought a cheap flight ticket and was treated badly during the flight (water instead of alcohol, no food, even no rag on a plane floor nearby) but kept his mood high saying something like “but it was (20 or something) pounds cheaper!” If someone recognizes the episode, please, i’ll be glad of any clue. Just want to know the exact phrase (how cheaper was THAT damn ticket!) 🙂 best, ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/78 "2019-04-16T11:29:46Z")
> [@ALM039](#): > > I know it’s a damn old thread but i need your help, guys > In 90s, Benny’s show was on Russian tv and my favorite episode was about his character who bought a cheap flight ticket and was treated badly during the flight (water instead of alcohol, no food, even no rag on a plane floor nearby) but kept his mood high saying something like “but it was (20 or something) pounds cheaper!” > If someone recognizes the episode, please, i’ll be glad of any clue. Just want to know the exact phrase (how cheaper was THAT damn ticket!) 🙂 > best, [This](https://vimeo.com/265620022) might be what you’re looking for. ---
**Author:** ![ALM039](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@ALM039](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ALM039)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/79 "2019-04-16T13:14:08Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > [This](https://vimeo.com/265620022) might be what you’re looking for. this is a nice episode, Robot, but not the one i was looking for :o Anyway thanks, mate ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/80 "2019-04-16T13:22:38Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I remember one sketch where he was the host of a Name-That-Tune-like game show, and the contestants were the old man (Jackie?) and one of the Angels, and Hill was desperately trying to help the pretty lady win. Well, the song was Londonderry Air, and I can remember when the Angel’s turn came, Hill turning his back to the contestants and pointing at his behind. (London derriere…) This seems like the kind of thing I would have corrected the first time, but it looks like not. The pretty girl was French, and as the musical clue was starting, Benny said, I’d like to compliment you on your fine Paris derrière. The girl is flattered and compliments him in return for his London derrière. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395.md?page=5)