# Favourite Benny Hill Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 4, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395 "2006-08-04T22:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/81 "2019-04-16T14:02:12Z")
Benny is playing a young man (:rolleyes:) of indeterminate age going into a pub, singing **Twenty-one today, twenty-one today** and patting his hands together. He takes a seat and the waitress brings him a pint. Still singing **21 today** , he starts patting his pockets, looking for money, getting agitated. The middle-aged lady at the next table pays for his drink, assuming it’s his first, as he’s just reached drinking age. He thanks her, raises his mug to his lips and, looking into the camera (natch), starts singing **22 today, 22 today.** **Robot Chicken** did a priceless bit on [Benny Hill’s funeral](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtBWfF9SQvw). ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/82 "2019-04-16T14:07:44Z")
I loved the interview show were everything went wrong. A guest kept giving one word answers, another guest died, Benny accidentally threw his interview notes across the stage. At the end he went, "I could just keep on going, but the old clock on the wall says we have… 42 minutes to go…" ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/83 "2019-04-16T14:58:40Z")
I remember a sketch which had a bunch of women flocking into a building which had a banner reading “HOMES TO LET.” Seconds later, they all run out, pursued by Benny and some other guys as the banner unfurls to reveal that it actually says, “HOMMES TOILET.” (“Men’s toilet” in French.) ---
**Author:** ![Reindeer\_Flotilla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reindeer_flotilla/32/3024_2.png) [@Reindeer\_Flotilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reindeer_Flotilla)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/84 "2019-04-16T19:14:00Z")
Another Fred Scuttle interview bit that makes me laugh every time (and anytime they reuse the theme it still works), paraphrased: Fred Scuttle: “Yes, then we encountered a military ship - you know, one that’s like a battleship or cruiser but smaller.” Interviewer: Frigate. Fred Scuttle: It’s the truth, sir! ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/85 "2019-04-16T19:54:06Z")
Benny and the little old guy are rustics getting off the bus for their first holiday in London. They’re both wearing outrageously obvious wigs. A news reporter comes to interview them and asks, “What’s the first thing that you plan to do in London?” Benny (with an exaggerated Scottish accent): “We’re going to get toupees.” Reporter, puzzled, looking at their existing wigs: “Toupees?” Benny: “Yes, a pay for him and a pay for me.” (He means pies. It loses something in the explanation.) ---
**Author:** ![Dahu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dahu/32/3416_2.png) [@Dahu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dahu)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/86 "2019-04-16T20:00:09Z")
Apparently Jane Leeves was a Benny Hill girl long before she hit the big time in Frasier. I only learned this quite recently. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/87 "2019-04-16T20:14:49Z")
Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? It grows quite well because I have a brand new hoe. We put manure on our rhubarb, We put manure on our flowers. You put manure on your rhubarb? We put cream on ours. Can’t believe I still remember that. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/88 "2019-04-16T20:27:19Z")
> [@Dahu](#): > > Apparently Jane Leeves was a Benny Hill girl long before she hit the big time in Frasier. > > I only learned this quite recently. You didn’t read post #2, did you? ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/89 "2019-04-16T20:34:17Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > **Robot Chicken** did a priceless bit on [Benny Hill’s funeral](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtBWfF9SQvw). Clever, but they couldn’t afford the right’s fee for Yakkety Sax? ---
**Author:** ![Reindeer\_Flotilla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reindeer_flotilla/32/3024_2.png) [@Reindeer\_Flotilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reindeer_Flotilla)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2019, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/90 "2019-04-16T20:49:32Z")
From the commercials gone wrong segment he’d regularly do: “We took these two identical food and oil stained dress shirts and washed them separately, one in the leading laundry detergent and the other in new Fair Deal Ben.” “And the results?” [shows two pressed and folded shirts laying side-by-side, each still stained] “Not a hape of the difference.” [box of Fair Deal Ben thrown down on them] ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/91 "2019-04-17T01:25:26Z")
While we’re doing this thread again, let me explain why this is my favorite sketch: https://www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x4bg4m I gave the URL in post #44, but I didn’t say anything about it. I like it because it’s Benny Hill showing why his usual jokes are so insultingly stupid. His sketches have him trying to get somewhere with a pretty girl twenty years younger than him, despite his being not particularly good-looking, so that he wouldn’t have any chance with her even if he was her age. This sketch shows what utter jerks the guys are who insist that they deserve a beautiful woman regardless of what they look like. ---
**Author:** ![Dahu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dahu/32/3416_2.png) [@Dahu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dahu)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/92 "2019-04-17T12:53:57Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > You didn’t read post #2, did you? I did read post #45 though. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/93 "2019-04-17T19:42:06Z")
Down memory lane… The scene is somewhere out in the Wild West. One of the Benny girls is tied to a post. Sheriff Benny enters the scene, and the girl says “Oh, sheriff, I’m so glad you’re here! Black Bart and his gang of ruffians kidnapped me and tied me to this post and then they had their way with me!” Benny starts taking off his belt and replies “This just ain’t yore day, is it?” Benny is a guest on a talk show, playing an Asian martial artist. The host introduces him, and Benny says in a mock Asian accent “Good heaving heavy body!” The host remarks something like “Oh, are you saying your martial arts skills are effective at throwing people around?” Benny replies “No! I say herro to the people! Good heaving heavy body!” The little old man is playing a game show participant, and Benny’s playing a stern authoritarian host. He asks the little old man questions that have joke answers. One is “Name the activity a man does standing up, a woman does sitting down, and a dog does with one leg in the air.” The lom replies “Pass.” Benny angrily replies “Pass what?” The lom says “I don’t know the answer.” Benny then says “Shake hands.” Another bit with the lom, with Benny playing the straight man. I don’t quite remember the dialogue, but the lom said something grammatically incorrect, and Benny shouts “Don’t you know the Queen’s English?” The lom replies “Of course she is.” There’s one more bit where they parody Ironside, the TV show where Raymond Burr plays a detective in a wheelchair. Benny’s playing Ironside, and the sketch is mainly him mumbling while his cohorts ignore him. The catch on his wheelchair comes loose, and he starts rolling away, still mumbling. Benny rolls down the alleyway, crashing through fruitstands, still mumbling. He rolls through heavy traffic and keeps rolling through more dangerous situations, still mumbling obliviously. I’ve searched for the video and can’t find it. It haunts me after all these years, because I keep thinking I missed something, or it’s just another absurd bit Hill and Monty Python would occasionally throw in. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/94 "2019-04-17T20:13:31Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > There’s one more bit where they parody Ironside, the TV show where Raymond Burr plays a detective in a wheelchair. Benny’s playing Ironside, and the sketch is mainly him mumbling while his cohorts ignore him. The catch on his wheelchair comes loose, and he starts rolling away, still mumbling. Benny rolls down the alleyway, crashing through fruitstands, still mumbling. He rolls through heavy traffic and keeps rolling through more dangerous situations, still mumbling obliviously. I’ve searched for the video and can’t find it. It haunts me after all these years, because I keep thinking I missed something, or it’s just another absurd bit Hill and Monty Python would occasionally throw in. [This episode list](https://benny-hill.fandom.com/wiki/Episodes) says Benny played Ironside twice. Neither segment features the bit you mention so I don’t know what you saw unless it was part of [the Grand Wheelchair Rally](https://benny-hill.fandom.com/wiki/Grand_Wheelchair_Rally). ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/95 "2019-04-17T22:57:51Z")
I just watched that segment. Not in there, either. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/96 "2019-04-17T23:52:37Z")
To answer the OP, Benny… in a monologue or stand up bit or something (I was 12 when I heard this line) said “Bob Newhart is a classy man, a very classy man. He’s so classy he gets out of the shower to take a leak!” Which cracked me up like few jokes before. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/97 "2019-04-18T01:30:05Z")
On Youtube is the classic “Murder on the Oregon Express” where Benny plays Ironside, McCloud, Hercule Poirot, Cannon and Kojack, all briliantly. My fave line in that sketch is from the little old man, Jackie Wright, playing Columbo: [To an attractive female suspect]: “I’m gonna haveta hold you!” “For questioning?” “Not necessarily.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/98 "2019-04-18T02:02:05Z")
> [@Cherry\_Garcia](#): > > One I remember, at the height of Benny’s popularity, which wasn’t actually a Benny Hill sketch, but an SCTV sketch, was “Benny Hill Street Blues” in which the SCTV’ers re-imagined Hill Street Blues as a Benny Hill parody. [There’s also this from Paul Hogan.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxyosdEdHXw&ytbChannel=null) ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/99 "2019-04-18T02:35:36Z")
“When I was a kid we had two beds that were kind of stacked on top of each other—“ “Bunk.” “No, it’s true!” ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395/100 "2019-04-18T14:46:11Z")
“It was one of them Satanic rituals, wannit? They had men witches there! Men witches…” “Warlocks.” “It’s true, I tell ya!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-benny-hill-jokes/367395.md?page=6)