# Favourite Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2002, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445 "2002-09-24T12:32:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Porus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@Porus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Porus)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/1 "2002-09-24T12:32:16Z")
This question has probably been asked but has anyone a favourite joke, and why ? I am not sure if clever is the right word, but there is something about the following which I particulary like. 2 fish underneath an iceberg “don’t let it fool you, this is only 9 tenths of it.” what about the insomniac, agnostic dyslexic ? he stayed awake all night worrying if there was a dog ? I would give my right arm to be ambi-dextrous. ---
**Author:** ![Zorro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ad7895/32.png) [@Zorro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zorro)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/2 "2002-09-24T12:58:45Z")
What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes. ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/3 "2002-09-24T13:13:52Z")
This is an old one, but… Knock knock. Who’s there? The interrupting cow. The interr… Moo. ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/4 "2002-09-24T20:34:15Z")
This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a duck on his head. And he says to the psychiatrist, can you help me because I have this duck on my head. And the psychiatrist says to the guy with the duck on his head: no, I can’t help you, because there is no such thing as a head. let alone this totally ridiculous notion that jokes have any possibilty to be stupid ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/5 "2002-09-25T02:02:57Z")
I heard this one in like 5th grade: There are 3 guys walking in the desert - two are straight and the other’s gay. The first straight guy says: “I’m so thirsty, I could drink out of a toilet.” The second straight guy says: “I’m so thirsty, I could like the sweat off a bull’s balls.” The gay guy says: “Moo moo buckaroo!”😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/6 "2002-09-25T10:52:45Z")
A man walked into a bar… Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/7 "2002-09-25T10:54:55Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. or, better still: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/8 "2002-09-25T12:16:07Z")
[Python] What’s brown and sound like a bell? Dung!! [/Python] ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/9 "2002-09-25T14:17:49Z")
What do you get when you cross a cow with an elephant? ## A dirty look from both of them. A guy comes home from a vacation and asks his brother what’s new. His brother says “Your cat died”. The guy says: “Why tell me that and shock me? You could say the cat was stuck on the roof. The fire department came. They put a ladder up to the roof. The cat was in the fireman’s arm. Then he slipped and the cat died. You should have taken more time to prepare me. Ok? Do you have anything else to tell me?” “Mom’s on the roof.” ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/10 "2002-09-25T16:05:32Z")
My only good joke… Q: How do you make your wife scream when you’re having sex? A: Call her up & tell her what you’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![Morrison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Morrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/11 "2002-09-25T16:18:45Z")
2 fish underneath an iceberg “don’t let it fool you, this is only 9 tenths of it.” I don’t get this one??? ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/12 "2002-09-25T17:34:15Z")
me neither morrison ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/13 "2002-09-25T17:55:29Z")
About the iceberg joke-- an observation that people make when seeing an iceberg from above water is, “Don’t let it fool you-- you’re only seeing 1/10 of it.” So from the fish’s perspective, they’re seeing 9/10 of it. My new favorite was told by someone else on the Boards in another joke thread, but I’ve forgotten who: A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken looks relaxed, smoking a cigarette and smiling. The egg looks a bit pissed off, and snaps, “Well, I guess we learned the answer to _that_ question!” Ha ha! ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/14 "2002-09-25T20:55:59Z")
What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is at night? A widow! ---
**Author:** ![ratzingersreactionary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@ratzingersreactionary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratzingersreactionary)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/15 "2002-09-26T06:17:40Z")
A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Where’s the bartender?” (you have to read it out loud) On lawyer jokes: I don’t know why people bother. The lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes. That being said: What do you call 50 skydiving lawyers? Skeet A man and his wife are walking through a memorial park. They pass a headstone that reads: Here lies a lawyer and a good man. “Imagine that,” says the wife, “Two men buried in the same grave.” What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in cement? Not enough cement. And finally; What’s black and tan and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/16 "2002-09-26T16:00:41Z")
I’ve posted it before, but this one is still my very favorite. What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt? “You gonna eat that?” ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/17 "2002-09-26T19:27:48Z")
Ok, the iceberg joke still isn’t funny. The egg one DEFINATELY is though! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/18 "2002-09-26T19:39:22Z")
What do you call ten lawyers changed to the bottom of the lake? A good start. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. And the ever-popular… What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back when you throw it? A stick. ---
**Author:** ![Powers106](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@Powers106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Powers106)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/19 "2002-09-26T21:21:44Z")
My favorite corny joke of all time, courtesy of my grandfather (you have to say it out loud): I can row a boat. Canoe? Or his other one (he had more than two, but this was his other favorite):" I bought a wooden whistle and it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whislte and it steel wooden whistle Then I bought a tin whistle, now I tin whistle. \ I know, but they still make me smile. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445/20 "2002-09-26T21:28:58Z")
Ok, I did a Vaudeville show in high school - we were full of corny jokes: How do you catch a polar bear? You make a hole in the ice and put peas around it (out loud now) and when the polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the icehole [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favourite-jokes/129445.md?page=2)