When I was quitting smoking, I would frequently have dreams that I gave in and smoked. Since I actually quite cold turkey, and was quite proud of the fact that I didn’t cheat at all, the dreams were quite distressing to me. They were so realistic. I ended up feeling very guilty (in my sleep) and woke up feeling depressed, until I realized it was all just a dream.
I decided on Monday night to be a lot more strict with myself - a cold turkey diet. If I can do it with cigarettes, I should be able to do it with food.
I realize that sweets and my eating schedule (no schedule really) were my biggest issues. So, I made the decision that I would have 3 meals per day, at least 4 hours apart. Sweets are completely out because I have no self control. I am allowing myself 1 can of ginger ale a day, mostly because I love it and don’t want to give it up, but also because I have two cases in the garage that need to be drunk.
On Tuesday, I was very good. I had two packets of cream of wheat for breakfast, a PB sandwich, apple, and glass of milk for lunch, and leftover pasta and ginger ale for dinner.
On Wednesday, I had the same breakfast, two cucumbers, cheddar cheese, and a yogurt for lunch, and a ham syrian with lettuce, tomato, pickles, oil and vinegar, and Caesar salad for dinner.
On Wednesday night, I dreamt that I was picking up some kids from my old foster parents’ house. While I was waiting for them, I noticed large amounts of junk food in the kitchen and I started binging on it.
Like my smoking dreams, it was so realistic that I felt so depressed and even started crying in my dream. When I woke up, I felt horrible with myself and didn’t even want to get up. When I finally did get up, the first stop I made was to the kitchen to weigh myself. In my dream, I ate myself back up to 225 pounds.
I was very relieved to see that I really am 215, which means I’ve actually lost 1 pound since I started eating 3 meals a day.
I hate my dreams.
Today wasn’t as good. I wasn’t able to eat lunch and breakfast was rushed. I had yogurt and a banana for breakfast and cheese ravioli with alfredo sauce for dinner.
I’ll make up the 3rd meal by having some fruit later on.
I was able to get to the grocery store today and I got some 2.5 minute cream of wheat. It’s so much less expensive than the instant stuff. I was finally able to restock my clementine supply (haven’t been able to find them for 2 weeks!).
For any of you in the Northeast, who are familiar with Big Y - they got rid of red and blue coins! I had two red and one blue. I gave them back since I had no use for them. They gave me a gold coin in exchange! I didn’t even think they really existed! I’ve been shopping there for 17 years at least and I’ve never had a gold coin before. I can’t wait to use it. If I had gotten it earlier, I’d have paid $3 for my cheese instead of $8 (I used a silver coin. With no coin it was actually $10).
Anyway, in my waking hours, I’m not having much trouble yet with the lack of junk food. I have yogurt and fruit (mostly apples, bananas, clementines) and cheddar cheese to help with any cravings.
I do miss drinking ginger ale but I was drinking 2 or 3 (or more) cans a day. Now, when I get the urge for something besides water, I have chai tea, which I drink with just a smidgen of sugar and milk.
I find it hard to believe that cutting out the binge eating is harder than quitting smoking. I can do this.