# Feeling guilty....please help me not feel so bad. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 1, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399 "2003-05-01T15:50:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/61 "2003-05-01T18:44:39Z")
I’ve never known a cat who had a problem getting through a fence…just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/62 "2003-05-01T18:52:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Deadly Nightlight \* > \*\*Not trying to make Lady venom feel guilty, but i really believe declawing is a bad thing from personal experience. I had a cat, named Kiwi that was declawed. She was an indoor cat, so it was never an issue of protection. But one day she ran out, and just as my dad went to get her a dog came and attacked her. She didn’t have a chance, even with my dad hitting the dog with a iron bar. she tried to claw him but she couldn’t. THAT is why I will never have another cat declawed. So I hope that LAdy Venom can really insure that the cat stays indoors. \*\* My aunt had a cat who still had his claws, and a dog still managed to kill him even with my aunt kicking the dog to get it away. It was a Jack Russell too so it’s not like it was a big dog, just a particularly mean one. I think declawing is appropriate in some cases when other methods have been exhausted. I have cats that are declawed and cats with claws and they have no problem living together. We have birds in our attic, and the declawed cats seem to be just as adept at hunting them as the ones with claws much to my dismay. -Lil ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/63 "2003-05-01T18:56:38Z")
Indygrrl - If she could get through this fence in the time it takes me to get out the door, she deserves to be free. It’s a 8 foot high wood fence with 1/4 inch slats. There is NO space at the bottom and the gate is the same, except it is rounded at the top. The gap where fence meets gate is about an inch. Not even one of my ferrets can squeeze through there. I know, I tested. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/64 "2003-05-01T18:58:11Z")
Indygrrl - If she could get through this fence in the time it takes me to get out the door, she deserves to be free. It’s a 8 foot high wood fence with 1/4 inch gap in the slats. There is NO space at the bottom and the gate is the same, except it is rounded at the top. The gap where fence meets gate is about an inch. Not even one of my ferrets can squeeze through there. I know, I tested. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/65 "2003-05-01T19:02:00Z")
My sister had her cats laser declawed, and the cats were up and running by the next day. My cats were declawed the traditional way (with glue instead of stitches) and didn’t feel good about walking around for 3 or 4 days. I hated having to use that choice, but laser declawing wasn’t available, and I tried for 1.5-3 years to get my cats to stop scratching the furniture (I’ve had one cat longer than the other). Like you, it was a definite last resort. It would be a last resort in the future, too. Once they feel comfortable doing it again, they’ll start scratching again. It’s just that now they don’t get in trouble for it. > [@](#): > > maybe offer her to a home with a person who would not take away what is meant to be. Like her reproductive system? I suppose you think cats shouldn’t be spayed or neutered if they’re going to be indoors only either? ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/66 "2003-05-01T19:02:57Z")
Whoops. Crap. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/67 "2003-05-01T19:05:34Z")
Seems to me the OP knows the responsibilities of being a pet owner, hence the detailed desciptions of attempted training and precautions she uses to ensure all her cats remain, for the most part, indoors. It also seemed pretty clear to me she does everything in her power to upkeep the cats health and mantinance, including spay/neuter and I’ll wager, vaccinations. In fact, I’ll bet she limits her cats exposure to “outside” for other factors as well, like avoiding feline lukemia. I wish all pet owners were more like her. Deadly Nightlight, I am so sorry to read about your cat. What a terrible thing. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/68 "2003-05-01T19:08:18Z")
Oh, forgot about the spaying. A friend of mine stayed home the next day with her cat after spaying and declawing and had to give the cat water herself. So since the recovery from the spaying will take a little while, you might want to make sure she’s getting enough to drink. I still remember the glassy-eyed stare of my first cat after taking her home from the vet for her spaying (she was about 6 months old). I was grateful my second cat was a rescue who was already spayed. ---
**Author:** ![mazirian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@mazirian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mazirian)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/69 "2003-05-01T19:08:45Z")
**I don’t know if this is the righ place to ask…** But I hadn’t even heard of declawing cats before learning about it here on the SDMB. Is this a widespread practice in US and Canada? I understand vets in Nordic countries and UK(?) refuse to do it and it may even be illegal. Is this a recent development in the US? ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/70 "2003-05-01T19:08:49Z")
Someone mentioned SoftPaws. I just wanted to give my experience with them. On the whole, they work, at best, ok. You have to train your cat to wear them from kittenhood,otherwise you will have a nightmare putting them on. They ran, IIRC about 15 a box of 30. They came with glue, but the glue always dried out so you had to buy more glue (you can use nail glue that people use). So, you are looking at a cost of 18 bucks all told. My cat didn’t mind them much. Sometimes the nails would last a week, sometimes a day. They would rarely last past two weeks as the new nail growth would push off the soft paw. Some cats hate the nails and will chew all day at their paws. This is another reason why I suggest using them form the beginning: the cat is used to them. tips if you do use them: You also have to get the right size for your cat, otherwise they won’t work well. It is best to get the coloured ones. The clear ones are not as obnoxious, but a coloured one is easy to spot on the floor. You can instantly know when it’s time to replace one. It is best to hold your cat for about 5 minutes after you glue them on. The cat will otherwise take them off and possibly get a mouthful of glue. Do not fill the nail with glue. Only fill it 1/3. Nail glue, like crazy glue, will heat up. My overall opinion of them is that they are a _huge_ hassle to the owner and to the cat. I was very glad to move to place where she has a fenced in area where she can sharpen her claws on a tree. Had laser been an option, I would have gone that route too. You are giving the cat a happy home and much love. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/71 "2003-05-01T19:14:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lady Venom \* > \*\*Not even one of my ferrets can squeeze through there. I know, I tested. \*\* That’s only a funny image if the ferret survived, you know. Or was it squeezing itself through the slats? Daniel ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/72 "2003-05-01T19:15:37Z")
If it makes you feel any better, Lady- my friend Cindy (who is the VERY most loving cat mommy I’ve ever known) had to make this very difficult decision after she bought all new furniture and tried the methods you mentioned. Finally, as she debated, she asked my advice. I told her “Look- all you do now is yell at that cat. 'Buster- NO! Buster! Buster!” and squirt him with water or startle him. How is life going to be worse after a several minute procedure that will stop the whole issue? It’s a no brainer" She had it done (for both cats), they were home that day and never had ANY trouble with it. Not a bit. So don’t be feeling guilty. The “claws belong on paws” crap is nonsense. Your kitty will be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/73 "2003-05-01T19:16:33Z")
Lady Venom, that’s one hell of a fence you’ve got. Hijack, I guess, but why? Is it mainly because of your pets? Btw, I don’t advocate declawing, but I understand that sometimes you have no other options. That cat is better off being temporarily disabled by the declawing than being euthanized at a shelter because no one wants him. Sometimes you have to take the lesser of two evils. I’m sure you’ll take good care of him. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/74 "2003-05-01T19:21:16Z")
DeadlyAccurate - I will be with her all day Saturday after I bring her home and all but 4 hours Sunday. Like I said in an earlier post, I have added a litter box on each floor with yesterday’s news litter, and a bed close by. I will remember to put a few more water dishes around. Tequila Mockingbird - Thanks for that. I believe the only way to be a pet owner is to be a responsible one. All of my animals, past and present are given the best care I can provide. Shots included. It doesn’t matter to me that my dog, cat and ferrets are not exposed to other animals. They are given all of their shots, every year. ---
**Author:** ![ItsNotMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@ItsNotMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ItsNotMe)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/75 "2003-05-01T19:22:36Z")
You people are horrible and discussting! Are you listening to what you’re saying??? you should be ashamed!!! Declawing is the MOST terrible thing you could do to a cat, Lazer or not. Its cruel, its brutal, and for what!!! YOUR FURNITURE!!! PLEASE!!! You people think you love your pets?!? yeah, right! This cat is better off back in the shelter WITH its claws, then with you, and I hope you pay for what you’re doing to your poor kitty!!! ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/76 "2003-05-01T19:26:21Z")
**Lady Venom** , I’ve always been against declawing. I think it’s because my mom had my cat declawed (the old-fashioned way) when I was a kid. I was so sad to see her limping around and I really felt bad that I couldn’t protect her better. After the declawing, she started biting people. Not very pleasant. Basically, mom broke my cat and I’ve always disliked the idea of declawing. Having read your OP, I think you’re making the right decision. You’ve gone through the trouble of trying to find alternatives and you’ve exhausted every method out there and frankly, I think it’s your last resort. Your kitty is lucky to have someone like you looking out for her. I still don’t generally like the idea, but at least you’ve done your homework and tried your best to get around it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/77 "2003-05-01T19:30:31Z")
My girlfriend is really pissing me off, I have tried _EVERYTHING_, even water-pistols. I’m going to have to put her down. She’s way too heavy to hold and type at the same time. Seriously, some people have disagreed with the OP, and maybe in a manner that was inappropriate to the forum in which it was posted – but I think the charitable view of them might be that their breach of forum etiquette is explainable by naivety, or over-excitement. or something,… but I sensed no malice. And what did you want them to do? Stay schtum? I can’t believe that that is even polite – if someone says to me “I feel so guilty about X,” and I disagree _with X_, the circumstances would have to be exceptional for me not to say so. But hey, don’t berate me about it, because I feel sooooo guilty. I don’t deny that it’s a _tough_ choice **Lady Venom** , but I can’t believe that the equation: **Cat goes back to shelter _or_ Cat gets de-clawed** is complete, not least because even if training fails (and I recommend that you try again\*) you could bite the bullet, or, put your cat up for re-adoption. I’m sorry if this adds to your guilt, really – I. Feel. Very. Conflicted. – I am _sure_ that you love your cats and love them as well as you can, but declawing _denatures_ a cat beyond the denaturing that domestication and selective breeding have done already. Whichever way you go, good luck and I hope it turns out well. \*And let me give you some positive motivation, if you can train your cat’s behaviour to tolerable levels and let it keep it’s claws, I know you will be happi **est**. ---
**Author:** ![Fin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@Fin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fin_man)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/78 "2003-05-01T19:32:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ItsNotMe \* > \*\*You people are horrible and discussting! > > Are you listening to what you’re saying??? you should be ashamed!!! > > Declawing is the MOST terrible thing you could do to a cat, Lazer or not. Its cruel, its brutal, and for what!!! YOUR FURNITURE!!! PLEASE!!! > You people think you love your pets?!? yeah, right! > This cat is better off back in the shelter WITH its claws, then with you, and I hope you pay for what you’re doing to your poor kitty!!! \*\* **ItsNotMe** , shut the fuck up. So, a cat is better off in the shelter where it has a high probability of being put down then in a home with somebody that will love it. Somebody that agonizes over a desicion like this is a loving parent. Do you also believe that a cat should keep his testicles or her ovaries? Do you feel that spaying a cat is wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/79 "2003-05-01T19:34:36Z")
Actually, I find that stuffing the cat into the microwave and pressing “popcorn” is much worse. Oh, and dipping the cat in Nair and then drawing pretty designs on it with a blowtorch. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399/80 "2003-05-01T19:37:17Z")
Eve, how do you feel about shaving their bellies and “racing” them across a linoleum floor? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feeling-guilty-please-help-me-not-feel-so-bad/172399.md?page=5)