# Felt like sharing this story about cyber-sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036 "2000-04-15T16:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ghost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f04885/32.png) [@Ghost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghost)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/1 "2000-04-15T16:21:00Z")
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as “cybersex.” Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you’ll see below, one of the two cyber surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn’t seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does… Well hung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I’m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Well hung: I’m 6’3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I’m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner…it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Well hung: OK Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom. There’s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Well hung: I’m gulping, I’m beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Well hung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly. Well hung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Well hung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I’m sorry. Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive. Well hung: I’ll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it. I’m wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder. Well hung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you. Well hung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Well hung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know, breasts. They’re neat! Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear. Well hung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Well hung: I’m so sorry; Really. Sweetheart: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Well hung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Well hung: I’m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Well hung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… wait a minute. Sweetheart: What’s the matter? Well hung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Well hung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Well hung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Well hung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Well hung: I’m washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I’m on the bed arching for you. Well hung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Well hung: I found it. Sweetheart: I’m tugging off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly. Well hung: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other. Well hung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart Why don’t you take off your glasses? Well hung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Well hung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Well hung: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return. Well hung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What’s the matter now? Well hung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Well hung: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …thing…in your…you know…woman’s thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Well hung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Well hung: I’m flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Well hung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Well hung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse. Well hung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table. I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes. Well hung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I’m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser! Well hung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Sweetheart: [logged off] ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/2 "2000-04-15T16:38:00Z")
i think ‘well hung’ gets it, but ‘well hung’ is just trying to make a mockery of it. i’m surprised ‘sweetheart’ stayed with it for that long. ---
**Author:** ![StrTrkr777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@StrTrkr777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrTrkr777)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/3 "2000-04-15T16:57:00Z")
Me thinks it is a joke. I have seen a similar one before. It is funny but also a bit erotic. Thanks Ghost. Jeffery ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/4 "2000-04-16T05:04:00Z")
I’ve seen that in an e-mail forward for some time now. I think it’s a joke, like our pal Wally’s similar sexcapade, but it is amusing nonetheless… * * * Yer pal, Satan [http://www.raleighmusic.com/board/Images/devil.gif](http://www.raleighmusic.com/board/Images/devil.gif) _TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Six days, 14 hours, 57 minutes and 19 seconds. 264 cigarettes not smoked, saving $33.11. Life saved: 22 hours, 0 minutes._ ---
**Author:** ![Nanno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nanno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanno)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/5 "2000-04-16T05:05:00Z")
Are you the guy “well hung” ghost? * * * lost it ---
**Author:** ![hightechburrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f6c823/32.png) [@hightechburrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hightechburrito)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/6 "2000-04-16T02:17:00Z")
I remeber this from a Playboy magazine. Still amusing though. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2000, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/7 "2000-04-16T18:53:00Z")
Maybe it’s old but it made ME laugh… ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2000, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/8 "2000-04-17T05:30:00Z")
Stoidela! Where ya been? your humble TubaDiva Happy to see you! ---
**Author:** ![learae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@learae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/learae)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2000, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/9 "2000-04-17T05:49:00Z")
What a hoot! I’ve been in some chat rooms, and I’ve never heard anything so funny. Thanks for the laughs! 😃 lea rae ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2000, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/felt-like-sharing-this-story-about-cyber-sex/16036/10 "2000-04-17T08:14:00Z")
I first saw that about 4 years ago, slightly different but almost identical. The copy I had was credited to Playboy magazine. * * * – I have over 2000 posts, dammit! Show some respect. [http://fathom.org/opalcat/showmerespect.jpg](http://fathom.org/opalcat/showmerespect.jpg) O p a l C a t [www.opalcat.com](http://www.opalcat.com) NEW UBB board, all are welcome: [http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro](http://fathom.org/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro)