# FEMA: It's almost funny this time **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 11, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047 "2005-09-11T01:12:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/1 "2005-09-11T01:12:27Z")
[link.](http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/10/katrina.impact/index.html) > [@](#): > > Also Saturday, confusion erupted outside the Reliant Park complex in Houston, Texas, when evacuees showed up expecting to get $2,000 debit cards from the government – only to be told the cards were not available. > > Families were told they are instead eligible to get $2,000 in the form of a direct deposit to a bank account or a check mailed to an address they provide. Please deposit my $2000 in the Left Bank of the Mississippi (Underwater) or mail it to Cot 24785, the Astrodome, Houston, TX. > [@](#): > > . . . But Friday night, FEMA scrapped that part of the plan. Instead, cards would be available only to people staying at the shelters – not to those who have found other living accommodations. So, I need an address to get the check, but if I have an address, I don’t qualify to get the check. Fiendishly clever. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/2 "2005-09-11T01:22:51Z")
Who the fuck is writing this script? ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/3 "2005-09-11T01:26:24Z")
That’s some catch, that catch 22. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/4 "2005-09-11T01:32:03Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > So, I need an address to get the check, but if I have an address, I don’t qualify to get the check. > Fiendishly clever. It’s the other way around, isn’t it? If you are staying at one of the shelters, you are eligible for a $2,000 debit card; if you have found a place to live, they will mail you a check. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/5 "2005-09-11T01:32:39Z")
To be fair, I think you’re misreading the article. If you have an address, you don’t qualify for the **card** : you qualify for the **check**. If you don’t have an address (and therefore don’t have a place where the check can be mailed to), then you qualify for the card. It’s still a fuckup–if they announce the cards, they should bloody well have the cards–but it’s not quite as bad as you were saying, I think. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/6 "2005-09-11T01:42:51Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Who the fuck is writing this script? I don’t normally reply to anything just to say it made me laugh, but… rofl. Thanks for that. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/7 "2005-09-11T02:04:33Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Who the fuck is writing this script? I’m guessing the guy who wrote ‘Coven’\* from “American Movie”. E. \*Don’t forget, that’s pronounced Cove-in, long O. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/8 "2005-09-11T02:27:20Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > To be fair, I think you’re misreading the article. > > If you have an address, you don’t qualify for the **card** : you qualify for the **check**. > > If you don’t have an address (and therefore don’t have a place where the check can be mailed to), then you qualify for the card. > > It’s still a fuckup–if they announce the cards, they should bloody well have the cards–but it’s not quite as bad as you were saying, I think. > > Daniel After re-reading the article about four times, I think you may be correct. It’s definitely confusing. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/9 "2005-09-11T03:00:37Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > After re-reading the article about four times, I think you may be correct. It’s definitely confusing. Just imagine how you’d feel after you’ve been through all of the shit the victims have been through. Anyone else think they’re just making this stuff up as they go along? ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/10 "2005-09-11T03:18:25Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > Anyone else think they’re just making this stuff up as they go along? [There’s some history on FEMA debit cards](http://72.14.207.104/search?q=cache:_HbA0roSknUJ:www.paarc.org/pdf/pr_hurricane%2520charley_last.pdf+fema+%22debit+cards%22+-katrina+-2005&hl=en&client=firefox-a) > [@](#): > > Hurricane Charley Response Overview – Report #15 08/24/2004 Page 5 of 10 > > Client Assistance System > CAS will be used in at least three ways on the relief operation. The first will support two or > three service centers with full internet connectivity and real time activation of Client > Assistance Cards (preloaded, cash-enabled, debit cards for clients which replace disbursing > orders). ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/11 "2005-09-11T04:04:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Families were told they are instead eligible to get $2,000 in the form of a direct deposit to a bank account or a check mailed to an address they provide. So… no family, no money? ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/12 "2005-09-11T04:45:42Z")
At this point, I have to wonder at the level of cognitive dissonance exploding the heads of those conspiracy theorists who have staunchly held that FEMA is the primary policing organ of the “Secret Government”. Seeing them as an all-powerful puppetmaster should stretch the credulousness of even the most anally probed tinfoil hat abductees. Perhaps it’s all part of the illusion though. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/13 "2005-09-11T05:02:25Z")
[You missed the best part.](http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/12605531.htm) > [@](#): > > Evacuees who were staying outside the main shelter and expected to get cards on Saturday or Sunday must now apply for assistance online at [http://www.fema.gov](http://www.fema.gov) or by calling 1-800-621-3362 . Hope those needy refugees have their notebooks PC’s and cell phones handy! ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/14 "2005-09-11T18:17:29Z")
Read on FARK his morning where two people who received debit cards used them in Atlanta to purchase $800 purses at the Louis Vitton store at Lenox Square. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/15 "2005-09-11T20:12:08Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > Read on FARK his morning where two people who received debit cards used them in Atlanta to purchase $800 purses at the Louis Vitton store at Lenox Square. Some people have messed up priorities. Nothing new there. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/16 "2005-09-11T21:12:46Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > Read on FARK his morning where two people who received debit cards used them in Atlanta to purchase $800 purses at the Louis Vitton store at Lenox Square. For what it’s worth, the purses are waterproof, will carry enough food and water for ten days, and can turn into a lifeboat that will hold eight people. Why else would they cost $800? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/17 "2005-09-11T21:29:32Z")
> [@Purd Werfect](#): > > At this point, I have to wonder at the level of cognitive dissonance exploding the heads of those conspiracy theorists who have staunchly held that FEMA is the primary policing organ of the “Secret Government”. I think for that type of person, it’ll just confirm their belief. Of _course_ they weren’t prepared to manage an actual emergency! They’re too busy setting up the slave colonies on the far side of the moon in anticipation of the second shipment of hypnotised/lobotomized dissidents. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/18 "2005-09-11T22:00:32Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > I think for that type of person, it’ll just confirm their belief. Of _course_ they weren’t prepared to manage an actual emergency! They’re too busy setting up the slave colonies on the far side of the moon in anticipation of the second shipment of hypnotised/lobotomized dissidents. Shhhhhhhh… be vewwy vewwy quiet, I’m hunting wackos. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2005, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/19 "2005-09-11T23:26:43Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > For what it’s worth, the purses are waterproof, will carry enough food and water for ten days, and can turn into a lifeboat that will hold eight people. Why else would they cost $800? Ummm. yeah. We know that those who receive the debit cards would only use them for necessities, and would never sell them or otherwise convert their face value. In the next frame, winged monkeys will fly from my asshole playing Beethoven’s 7th Symphony. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047/20 "2005-09-12T00:42:57Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > Read on FARK his morning where two people who received debit cards used them in Atlanta to purchase $800 purses at the Louis Vitton store at Lenox Square. No, what you read was that some of the cards had been used in Atlanta. “Hey, man, I got $400 cash to buy your card.” Good move, FEMA. Always thinking ahead. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fema-its-almost-funny-this-time/321047.md?page=2)