# Female Dopers: under what circumstances would you share your man with another woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 5, 2004, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741 "2004-06-05T01:17:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/1 "2004-06-05T01:17:33Z")
“Never” is a perfectly acceptable answer. But aside from that, and presuming you’re not bisexual and into threesomes, would you ever: [ul] [li]Grant a close friend’s request to have sex with him?[/li] [li]Let him have a long-term relation with who would effectively be his other wife, if she was someone you approved of?[/li] [li]Or alternatively, adopt an “I don’t want to hear about it” attitude towards any dalliances of his?[/li] [li]Let him work as a well-paid gigalo, “masseuse”, or sex therapist?[/li] Swing, have an open marriage, or otherwise “trade” the right to be with other partners?[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/2 "2004-06-05T01:40:50Z")
Never. Nope. I couldn’t do it. If you’re with me, you’re with **me**. Though I’m a bit confused as to why you included sex therapist here – I thought they counsel people about sex, not demonstrate on said people. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/3 "2004-06-05T01:46:48Z")
If she needed help putting up shelves, fixing her car, lifting heavy objects and “killing things” (Bill Cosby style), and had no man of her own to help her. Or, as was the case in my former home town, Anchorage Alaska, if there weren’t enough guys to dance with at the club, then I’d “loan” him out to girls without leads. But you’re not talking about those kinda things are ya?? 😃 So, here’s another “nope, never, noway, nohow”!!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_world\_s\_most\_deadliest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@The\_world\_s\_most\_deadliest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_world_s_most_deadliest)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/4 "2004-06-05T01:48:35Z")
My married self instantly answered “no” to all those questions, so I’ll let the ghost of my former single gal status answer, she’s more fun anyway… [ul] [li]Doubtful, but in the appropriate kind of relationship, not impossible.[/li][li]Nuh-uh. Just be with her if you’re going to be long-term, but otherwise you’re being a dick to both me and her.[/li][li]If I’m Carmela Soprano. I’d really have to see my name on the title to that house, though.[/li][li]I don’t think I could have sex with a sex therapist - therefore, no relationship upon which to base the hypothetical question.[/li][li]Before I got married, I would have said no way. Now I could ponder us reaching that level in another 5 or 10 years, but by that time we’ll be middle aged swingers and I think that might take the fun out of it.[/li][/ul] Now the answers might have been a lot more lenient if you hadn’t included the no-bi/threesome disclaimer. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/5 "2004-06-05T02:15:06Z")
Why did you ask this question? I’m sorry if this is bringing you down, but I just don’t get it it. I’m with the woman I want to be with. If you aren’t, get out of the relationship and find one you can live with. If you’re looking for some sort of “open marriage” or “free love” situation I can’t help you. That sort of thing always ends in tears. The only guy I know who ever pulled it off is now in his late fifties, and even I (who has no credibility in judging male attractiveness) think he’s a fat, disgusting toothless pig, and he’s alone. He’ll stay that way too. The sixties are long over, dude, and good riddance. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/6 "2004-06-05T02:19:17Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > That sort of thing always ends in tears. Not true. It _often_ maybe _mostly_ ends in tears. Not always. And hey, I didn’t see the OP talking about marriage, anyway! ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/7 "2004-06-05T02:22:27Z")
Combination of #2 and #5, though obviously #5 is dependent on the other partner from #2 being comfortable with that as well. Because I don’t do well with monogamy myself, and I don’t seem to be wired for jealousy enough to bother me. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/8 "2004-06-05T02:42:12Z")
Under what circumstances would I do the whole polyamorous thing? None whatsoever. Although it seems to work fairly well for some people, it absolutely would not work for me. Like others have said, if you’re with me, then you’re with me and only me. Likewise, if I’m with you, I’m with you and only you. That’s just how it works with me. Slight nitpick: I wouldn’t be able to grant or deny someone’s request to have sex with him. It’s not like I’ve got the only key to his chastity belt, you know. The decision to have sex or not have with someone else is his and his alone. Would I tolerate him choosing to have sex with someone else? Not just no, but _hell_ no. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/9 "2004-06-05T02:45:26Z")
Never. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/10 "2004-06-05T03:05:13Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > And hey, I didn’t see the OP talking about marriage, anyway! I didn’t either, but that’s worse. If I’m just dating a woman and I see anything like the OP coming up, I’m either making a decision or in full flight. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/11 "2004-06-05T03:25:34Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Likewise, if I’m with you, I’m with you and only you. That’s just how it works with me. I forgot that part, but yeah, I’m fiercely monogamous. One guy at a time. No exceptions. I guess since I see it that way I expect the same thing from somebody I’m with. > [@](#): > > Slight nitpick: I wouldn’t be able to grant or deny someone’s request to have sex with him. It’s not like I’ve got the only key to his chastity belt, you know. The decision to have sex or not have with someone else is his and his alone. Would I tolerate him choosing to have sex with someone else? Not just no, but _hell_ no. True, but if I was with somebody who chose to have sex with somebody else, that relationship would be over, plain and simple. If you can deal with a poly situation, good for you. I don’t have any ethical problems with that as long as everybody’s happy. I’d be miserable, though. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/12 "2004-06-05T03:28:44Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > I’m a bit confused as to why you included sex therapist here – I thought they counsel people about sex, not demonstrate on said people. Oops, I meant sexual surrogate- the person a reputable sex therapist refers people to. > [@The world's most deadliest...](#): > > Now the answers might have been a lot more lenient if you hadn’t included the no-bi/threesome disclaimer. Ok, I won’t exclude that; I just didn’t want to focus on that since the majority of women aren’t bi. > [@Exgineer](#): > > Why did you ask this question? No, I’m not looking. I was just wondering if the presumption that 99.99+% of women would never consider it was true or not. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/13 "2004-06-05T04:50:32Z")
Why the hell would I have married him, if I wanted other people to have him? Never, ever. Although, I’ll let him fix things for my mother-in-law when dad-in-law is out of town. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/14 "2004-06-05T04:54:42Z")
AbsoLUTely NOT. I am completely totally faithful. That’s part of my character. My parents were faithful. Everyone I look up to and respect has been, as far as I know, faithful. If my husband even asked me if I would consider it, the relationship would be over as far as I was concerned. If I was married to someone who didn’t believe in faithfulness, then I wouldn’t be truly married, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/15 "2004-06-05T07:53:18Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > If I was married to someone who didn’t believe in faithfulness, then I wouldn’t be truly married, in my opinion. “Faithful” just means “keeping commitments”, it doesn’t mean “monogamy” unless one’s made a commitment to monogamy. Both my husband and I are faithful to all our partners. ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/16 "2004-06-05T11:53:51Z")
Nope. Never. Not sharing and he can’t make me. We have a sense of humor about it though. If the subject is brought up by one of his single co-workers, Cardsfan just tells them that if he ever cheated on me, he would have to pee standing on his hands for the rest of his life, because I would super glue his penis to his stomach. I have to laugh at his comments, because I wouldn’t be that forgiving. His butt would hit the curb before another minute past. 🙂 Me jealous? Nope. The thought of playing second fiddle to some other female just doesn’t appeal to me in the least. If I can’t have you 100 percent, then don’t waste my time. I have better things to do, than waste it on someone that can’t keep their “Johnson” covered. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/17 "2004-06-05T12:54:31Z")
My husband has lots of female friends. Cool. Doesn’t bother me a whit. But I don’t share when it comes to the mooshy, cuddly romance stuff. We both vowed to be (monogamously for **Lilairen** faithful), and I expect both of us to keep that vow. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/18 "2004-06-05T13:02:41Z")
No tolerance for hubby having sex with others. We have promised one another to be monogomous, and (to the best of my knowledge 😉 ) have been for 20 years, and fully intend to keep it that way. If open relationships work for other people, good for them, but I have no illusions that it would work for me. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/19 "2004-06-05T19:07:40Z")
No. Non. Nyet. Nunca. Never. And any other negative “n” words you can think of. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741/20 "2004-06-05T19:10:56Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > If you’re looking for some sort of “open marriage” or “free love” situation I can’t help you. That sort of thing always ends in tears. I’m sorry, but that’s just bullshit, and I believe you know it, really. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s great and all, but saying it never works is just… well, wrong. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-under-what-circumstances-would-you-share-your-man-with-another-woman/248741.md?page=2)