# Female dopers - Was your virginity sacred or special to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 24, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579 "2005-10-24T00:07:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/41 "2005-10-24T19:51:33Z")
By the time I got to college, I’d decided that virginity wasn’t anything that particularly important, but wanted to deal with getting rid of it by being with someone I cared about, at least so I’d have (hopefully) good memories associated with the event and knew the guy would be thoughtful and kind, etc. Turns out I had a bit of a medical problem that previous sexual fooling-around didn’t reveal, which made the event not terribly enjoyable, but at least being with him, he was concerned and caring. Our subsequent attempts were much better, and I even ended up marrying him. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/42 "2005-10-24T23:00:25Z")
I had sex for the first time at 24 years old. By then, my virginity seemed to be a dead albatross around my neck. I was never especially religious, so “saving it” was so much silliness. I wanted to have sex. I just hadn’t had many opportunities, and I felt like the longer it was until I was well and rid of it, the less desireable I was. I can’t say that I wished I’d waited. I just wish I’d had better taste in the guy I’d chosen. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/43 "2005-10-25T04:59:11Z")
It was just special enough to me that I didn’t want to lose it to any of the boyfriends I had in high school. I just wanted my first time to be with someone who wasn’t just using me to raise his numbers, and I got my wish. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/44 "2005-10-25T12:06:48Z")
It was special enough that I set an age to wait for. I promised myself I would be 20 before I lost it. I didn’t quite make it, I was 19 and 11 months, but I was in love. :rolleyes: It was decidedly unimpressive, but it was kind of a relief. “Whew! At least I got \*that \*over with.” ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/45 "2005-10-25T18:39:39Z")
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married – I was 23. Yes, we’re of one of the religious flavors that encourages waiting until marriage. I don’t know that I thought it was sacred or holy; I just think that (for me) sex is for marriage. We fooled around plenty before we got married, and it just wasn’t that difficult to wait. It was something we looked forward to, but it just wasn’t an option – sort of like, if you want to copy or paste something in word, but you haven’t highlighted any text – it was “greyed out” until we were married. It seems to me that sex is mainly a big deal if you’re not having any. It’s not that big a deal now; if something were to happen to my husband (God forbid) and I were to find myself single again, I don’t know if I would have the same attitude. I would certainly be choosy, and would probably wait until being engaged, if not married. But it just doesn’t seem like the big deal it was before having sex. I had friends who were astonished that we’d get married without having sex\*-- but it’s only one part of our relationship, and we’d fooled around enough to know if the other had any major hangups, and to make sure everything was in proper working order, so I didn’t see the big deal. \*“It’s like buying the car without test-driving it!” they said. Which is funny, because I _did_ buy my car without test-driving it. I did get in and, er, push all the buttons, though, in both cases. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/46 "2005-10-25T19:08:58Z")
> [@roger thornhill](#): > > Perhaps, but my image of male dopers is a little different. I have them in two categories: the white-full-bearded 60+ year old retiree in his den with maps on the walls, and bookshelves groaning under the weight of encyclopedias, _The History of Middle Earth_ and the proceedings of the Tolkien Society. And the trimmed-goatee-bearded late 20s early 30s suburbanite with maps on the walls, and bookshelves groaning under the weight of encyclopedias, _The History of Middle Earth_ and the proceedings of the Tolkien Society. Good lord that rocked. Hilarious. A little too much on the reclusive/not enough on the sensitive, more enlightened than the rest of the heathens socially conscious thing though. ---
**Author:** ![wampeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wampeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wampeter)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/47 "2005-10-25T19:30:08Z")
I don’t think I ever wanted to wait until marriage, I just wanted to be “in love” with the guy before I had sex for the first time. And I was, at age 17. Since then, though, I’ve realized how much sex isn’t the big deal I thought it was when I was a virgin. Now I’m lucky if I can get the opportunity! (I still don’t have sex with random or icky guys, but a little non-commitment fun is still… well, fun.) ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/48 "2005-10-25T19:56:14Z")
> [@stargazer](#): > > \*“It’s like buying the car without test-driving it!” they said. Which is funny, because I _did_ buy my car without test-driving it. I did get in and, er, push all the buttons, though, in both cases. 🙂 Not to mention that sex is by no means the most important part of a marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/49 "2005-10-25T20:15:35Z")
It was special to me. Partly my religious upbringing I guess. I was a virgin on my wedding night, but I was quite enthusiastic about “losin’ it.” My husband(now my ex) and I had a lot of fun. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/50 "2005-10-25T20:23:27Z")
Good God, _ **no!** _ When I was in high school, I wanted _so_ badly to “do it,” but nobody took me seriously, and I had no takers. Couldn’t _give_ it away, despite tons of offers. (Combination of low self-esteem and high levels of hormones.) One guy in high school even told me, “You’re a _nerd!_ Nerds don’t have sex!” I was crushed. All my friends were having sex, and there I was, alone with “Dirty Dancing” every single Friday and Saturday night for three damn years. As it turns out, the only partner I’ve ever had is my husband, and vice versa. We didn’t wait until we were married, or even engaged, although because we were in college when we started dating, we did have to wait until Spring Break. It was worth the wait, for reasons I can’t entirely express. I’m glad that we have been able to learn our “craft” together, but I also sometimes wonder whether either of us has any idea what in the hell we’re doing when we “do it.” In retrospect, though, I’m glad I waited (even though I sort of did that by default). When we finally had sex, we were both mature enough to understand the consequences of our actions and take the necessary precautions. As un-spontaneous and as un-fun as that might be, I have ZERO regrets about that bit. I hope that someday, when we have kids and we need to have “The Talk,” we can use ourselves as examples of Waiting Until You’re Ready To Be Responsible. ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/51 "2005-10-25T20:48:22Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > Not to mention that sex is by no means the most important part of a marriage. And neither is the “feel” of how a car drives, but if something is prone to breaking down, you need to know that beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![Penchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/52 "2005-10-25T21:08:44Z")
I still think that virginity is a special thing, to a male or female. It’s not the whole sacredness of virginity, but it’s the first time you’re opening yourself intimately to another person, and I think that it is a sort of rite of passage. It means that you can handle the emotional, physical and psychological aspects that comes with sex and that you’re also ready to accept possible consequences that also comes with sex. I waited until I was dating a friend of mine for a while, and at the time I was comfortable with him and trusted him. So I lost my virginity to him. He turned out to be a not so nice person, so I moved on. I’m glad that I went through the initial badness with my ex because it made things so much easier for me and my current SO. He didn’t have to go through the hassle of my bleeding or aching the next few days. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2005, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/53 "2005-10-25T23:50:21Z")
No, not at all. I waited until I was in a loving relationship because of pregnancy fears. My mom popped out 9 kids so I figure I have to be more careful about that than the average girl. When my then boyfriend and I finally decided to devirginize each other, we were living with his parents and they had already told me that they wouldn’t mind grandchildren and would raise them for us while we continued with our schooling (how’s that for support!). I was a bit scared about it because I thought it would hurt like a bitch. He was incredibly gentle, so gentle that I didn’t officially lose my virginity until the 3rd time we went at it. It was a very good experience and I don’t regret it at all. We are still really good friends and I often tease my ex about our first time together. ---
**Author:** ![dare\_devil007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@dare\_devil007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dare_devil007)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/54 "2005-10-26T01:15:57Z")
I’m not sure if it’s something special or sacred to me, but I don’t want to have sex unless I get married to the right man. And the fact that I don’t really want to get married anyways might mean that I’ll be a virgin forever. That doesn’t really bother me, though, because I might end up changing my mind in the future. ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/55 "2005-10-26T01:30:43Z")
> [@Penchan](#): > > I’m glad that I went through the initial badness with my ex because it made things so much easier for me and my current SO. He didn’t have to go through the hassle of my bleeding or aching the next few days. This was one of the reasons why I wanted to get mine done with. Call me stupid, but I thought it would be embarassing to deal with all of that with someone I really cared about. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2005, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/56 "2005-10-26T01:33:39Z")
> [@easy e](#): > > Call me stupid, but I thought it would be embarassing to deal with all of that with someone I really cared about. FWIW, I thought the same thing. The fact that I was with someone equally inexperienced actually helped. In retrospect, of course. After 12 years together, I sometimes can’t believe how stupid we both were with regards to sex and what to expect. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/57 "2005-10-26T03:17:03Z")
> [@SlyFrog](#): > > Good lord that rocked. Hilarious. A little too much on the reclusive/not enough on the sensitive, more enlightened than the rest of the heathens socially conscious thing though. I’ll bear that in mind for next time! ---
**Author:** ![Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e56c9b/32.png) [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/58 "2005-10-26T03:41:06Z")
I actually was just talking about this with someone today. I just lost my virginity not so long ago, and it was special, but not sacred. I got together with a friend, someone I liked and trusted. It was fun, and I enjoyed it, although it was painful and akward, etc. However, I was talking with a guy friend today (not the friend I had sex with) and I mentioned that I was glad I’d finally lost my virginity, “I mean, I wasn’t saving it or anything.” He was suprised that I was happy about it, and said something about girls looking sad after they lost their virginity. I don’t think I lost something, though. It’s more of a gain, really. ---
**Author:** ![MizGrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@MizGrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizGrand)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/59 "2005-10-27T12:59:05Z")
> [@rockle](#): > > Good God, _ **no!** _ When I was in high school, I wanted _so_ badly to “do it,” ::snip:: (Combination of low self-esteem and high levels of hormones.) . That pretty much sums it up for me. I was 15, it was February 10, 1981. His name was Mike and he was **fine**! I didn’t know him, only admired from afar, and assumed he had lots of experience. Happened to mention one day to a somewhat friend that I **wanted** him to be my first. She talked to him and we started talking. Few days later we cut out at second period on his motorcycle ::swoon:: to a friends house where nobody was home. We smoked a cherry flavored doob and I even remember what I was wearing. I won’t tell you that because it was hideous, I’m remembering orange gauchos (ugh!). It was a very awkward coupling, to say the least. I don’t remember bleeding, maybe he didn’t even get in far enough to break it. We were back @ school by fifth period. I was so excited, mainly because I was the first of my group and, of course, it was with **Mike** ::swoon again::! He didn’t talk with me much after that. Looking back now, I was probably a grade-A stalker. Fortunately that term hadn’t quite been coined at that time. As a result, I acquired quite the rep and all the “popular” girls hated me because their boyfriends wanted to f\*\* and they wouldn’t, and I might. I used it as a form of power, or so I thought. But only with the _creme-de-la-creme_ of the school. I had standards you know. Was virginity special? Hell no. Do I regret the path I took? Hell yes. If I knew then what I know now … Found out 15 years later that both he and another boy I assumed were experienced were actually virgins. As were several other boys I dated. I guess that I was the “de-flowerer”. ---
**Author:** ![Thylacinewas\_taken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@Thylacinewas\_taken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacinewas_taken)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579/60 "2005-10-27T20:11:10Z")
By the Clinton definition, I’m still a virgin. I’m waiting until I’m married. I think virginity is sacred - for women and for men. I’m not going to waste mine and I don’t want a guy that has either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-was-your-virginity-sacred-or-special-to-you/327579.md?page=4)