# Female dopers - would you want to watch your partner do it with another guy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 6, 2011, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674 "2011-03-06T10:51:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/1 "2011-03-06T10:51:30Z")
Disclaimer: There’s no agenda behind this question - I’m not expecting the outcome to be one or the other, I’m generally curious. Sometimes when the issue of bisexuality comes up and men mention having sex with other guys, or the question of would it be an issue for a woman if a man had had sex previously with a man, I’ve seen women responding that not only is that not a problem but they’d love to see their partner doing it. So, is this actually something women would want to see, or is it a small minority? An enquiring doper would like to know. Thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/2 "2011-03-06T13:59:42Z")
I enjoy watching/reading gay porn, but I don’t want my husband sleeping with anyone but me. Two other guys: yes. My guy? No. ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/3 "2011-03-06T14:04:03Z")
What Renee said. Are you me?? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/4 "2011-03-06T14:06:09Z")
If my husband preferred men, he married the wrong person. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/5 "2011-03-06T15:11:42Z")
I don’t want to watch my partner having sex with anyone who’s not me. I don’t, in fact, want my partner having sex with anyone who’s not me whether I’m watching or not. I’m funny that way. Now, should I stumble upon film of him having sex with another guy before he was my partner? Hold up a minute while I make some popcorn. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/6 "2011-03-06T15:17:42Z")
I don’t want to watch my husband have sex with anyone else - male or female. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/7 "2011-03-06T15:20:48Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I don’t want to watch my partner having sex with anyone who’s not me. I don’t, in fact, want my partner having sex with anyone who’s not me whether I’m watching or not. I’m funny that way. Same here. It’s not the “gay sex” aspect that would upset me, it’s that my husband would be sharing his fun bits with someone else. That’s against the rules! ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/8 "2011-03-06T17:47:02Z")
I can see many non-vanilla sexual experiences that my husband and I could/would get involved in, and this would just be another one. I know he’s not gay, I trust him to be honest with me, and it sure would turn me on. As long as we discuss it beforehand, agree on the partner, and are both comfortable with it, then we’re good. But - from prior discussions, I know that my husband has no interest in it. Too bad… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/9 "2011-03-06T18:09:48Z")
I wouldn’t want to watch, but only because I know how very much he doesn’t want to. Does that make sense? He’s really about the only person I’ve ever met who genuinely seems to be a Kinsey 0, and always has been. Watching him with another man would mean watching him be raped, or at least very unenthusiastic, and I don’t need to see that. Now, if he changed his mind and was into it? Heck yeah! I’d love to watch him enjoy himself. Although I’d be even happier to join in. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/10 "2011-03-06T18:47:03Z")
My husband is another who would never be up for that, so I wouldn’t want to watch in the first place. And I agree that it doesn’t have anything to do with it necessarily being gay sex. I couldn’t bring myself to see him have sex with anyone else period. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/11 "2011-03-06T20:45:23Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I don’t want to watch my partner having sex with anyone who’s not me. I don’t, in fact, want my partner having sex with anyone who’s not me whether I’m watching or not. I’m funny that way. > > Now, should I stumble upon film of him having sex with another guy before he was my partner? Hold up a minute while I make some popcorn. Yes. I completely agree. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/12 "2011-03-06T21:00:44Z")
Yeah, I’m gonna have to go against the tide here and say I’d mind, and not just because of the whole monogamy thing, but also because of the fucking another dude thing. Two super cute gay guys fucking can be hot, but my (supposedly straight?) guy fucking another dude, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/13 "2011-03-06T21:51:45Z")
Hell no. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/14 "2011-03-06T21:58:33Z")
If he wanted to, I guess. I’d be a bit surprised, since it’s never come up before, but if he was interested, far be it from me to say no. New things are fun. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/15 "2011-03-07T00:28:58Z")
I think my wife would rather me have sex with three smelly prostitutes during Christmas dinner in front of all her family and the uploading the video for all our friends to see. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/16 "2011-03-07T00:35:57Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I wouldn’t want to watch, but only because I know how very much he doesn’t want to. Does that make sense? He’s really about the only person I’ve ever met who genuinely seems to be a Kinsey 0, and always has been. Watching him with another man would mean watching him be raped, or at least very unenthusiastic, and I don’t need to see that. 100% agreed. My hubby is _very_ hetero, which means that _at best_ he would not be having a good time! While I find guy-on-guy action totally hot, I don’t want to witness my hubby having a not-good-time! ---
**Author:** ![Heyoka13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Heyoka13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heyoka13)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/17 "2011-03-07T00:45:01Z")
May I pose a variation here; what if your husband (100% hetero todate) suddenly manifested an emotional response to a best buddy moving away? (implying that they may have never ‘done the deed’ but instead, have an intense emotional bond, possibly comparable to your marriage relationship) He isn’t physically cheating, but it looks like emotionally, you’re ‘not the only one’. {please don’t ask why I’m asking} ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/18 "2011-03-07T01:21:51Z")
> [@Heyoka13](#): > > May I pose a variation here; > > what if your husband (100% hetero todate) suddenly manifested an emotional response to a best buddy moving away? > > (implying that they may have never ‘done the deed’ but instead, have an intense emotional bond, possibly comparable to your marriage relationship) > He isn’t physically cheating, but it looks like emotionally, you’re ‘not the only one’. > {please don’t ask why I’m asking} I think that when one suspects infidelity, emotional or physical, a long talk and probably marriage counseling is in order. Either he is being unfaithful to your vows (I’m assuming you’re monogamous) or your trust in him is lacking, and either of those are red flags for marital health. (And I think we know why you’re asking, but that’s okay.) ---
**Author:** ![Heyoka13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Heyoka13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heyoka13)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/19 "2011-03-07T02:16:46Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I think that when one suspects infidelity, emotional or physical, a long talk and probably marriage counseling is in order. Either he is being unfaithful to your vows (I’m assuming you’re monogamous) or your trust in him is lacking, and either of those are red flags for marital health. > > (And I think we know why you’re asking, but that’s okay.) Um, no you don’t. I’m the best buddy that moved away. John’s wife and I were both STUNNED at John’s reaction . . . :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674/20 "2011-03-07T13:03:35Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I think that when one suspects infidelity, emotional or physical, a long talk and probably marriage counseling is in order. Either he is being unfaithful to your vows (I’m assuming you’re monogamous) or your trust in him is lacking, and either of those are red flags for marital health. I think this is a complete overreaction, personally. Are you seriously saying that someone isn’t allowed to have an emotional connection with another human being once they get married? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-dopers-would-you-want-to-watch-your-partner-do-it-with-another-guy/573674.md?page=2)