# Female huggers **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 5, 2021, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145 "2021-09-05T20:33:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/21 "2021-09-06T01:07:26Z")
My father’s wife does this, and I do what the OP does; concave and step back a little. I don’t like being touched by anyone in social settings, whether they be a man or woman. A silver lining in this pandemic is that no one is shaking hands. I _really_ like that. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/22 "2021-09-06T01:12:12Z")
My Uber just arrived, later. Happy holiday and all. ---
**Author:** ![codinghorror](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/codinghorror/32/4242_2.png) [@codinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/codinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/23 "2021-09-06T01:13:53Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > was questioning his imposition that someone who doesn’t want to hug everybody is psycho I think it depends so much on the tenor of the person, e.g. was it a polite, demure “no thanks” or an abrupt “don’t anyone even think of touching me!”. I remember the documentary Free Solo (which is absolutely fantastic by the way, highly recommend watching it) the main character said he came from a family that just didn’t hug each other. There was something so profoundly sad about that, and how it affected him throughout his life, including the death defying climb… [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/urRVZ4SW7WU/maxresdefault.jpg "Free Solo - Trailer | National Geographic") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urRVZ4SW7WU) Even if you have no interest in climbing, this is an exemplary documentary about what it means to be human. Humor me and watch it. Please! As far as female hugs go, I kinda follow the cues that the other person is broadcasting. I do find [“Christian side hugs”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa0EtdtPi8w) kinda cringey. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/24 "2021-09-06T01:17:17Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > his imposition that someone who doesn’t want to hug everybody is psycho You may want to reread his post a tad more generously. If he thought not being a hugger was akin to being “a psycho”, he’d have come to that conclusion immediately upon meeting her. What he saw was someone that wasn’t going to fit in with his family. ---
**Author:** ![codinghorror](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/codinghorror/32/4242_2.png) [@codinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/codinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/25 "2021-09-06T01:20:51Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > A silver lining in this pandemic is that no one is shaking hands. I _really_ like that. Oh yeah, that’s gotta go for a ton of reasons. Fully endorse as one of the useful outcomes of this pandemic, along with normalizing mask use. I go with the elbow bump, but you can … uh … take it as far as you like… [https://www.exploratorium.edu/blogs/spectrum/greetings-time-covid-19](https://www.exploratorium.edu/blogs/spectrum/greetings-time-covid-19) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/26 "2021-09-06T01:56:24Z")
Thank you, @Munch. That’s an accurate summation of the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Somethingwitty1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/somethingwitty1/32/8899_2.png) [@Somethingwitty1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Somethingwitty1)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/27 "2021-09-06T02:29:53Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Someone needs a hug That is funny. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/28 "2021-09-06T02:40:58Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > When one of my cousins married a woman who wouldn’t hug everyone, I knew it was a warning sign. Sure enough, a few years later, she went full-on psycho. Are you seriously claiming that not wanting to be hugged by everyone is a sign of insanity? > [@madsircool](#): > > It isnt polite to question someone elses experience. We might not agree with it but its their experience. Chronos isn’t just describing experience with that particular person. The very strong implication is that anyone who doesn’t want to be hugged by anyone else is going to go “full-on psycho”. > [@Munch](#): > > If he thought not being a hugger was akin to being “a psycho”, he’d have come to that conclusion immediately upon meeting her. What he saw was someone that wasn’t going to fit in with his family. > [@Chronos](#): > > Thank you, @Munch. That’s an accurate summation of the situation. Perhaps. But that’s not what you actually said in the post. And not fitting in with somebody’s family isn’t equivalent to going “psycho”, either. ---
**Author:** ![Somethingwitty1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/somethingwitty1/32/8899_2.png) [@Somethingwitty1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Somethingwitty1)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/29 "2021-09-06T02:45:05Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > [@Chronos](#): > > > > When one of my cousins married a woman who wouldn’t hug everyone, I knew it was a warning sign. Sure enough, a few years later, she went full-on psycho. > > Are you seriously claiming that not wanting to be hugged by everyone is a sign of insanity? I think he meant that being a non hugger was a warning sign when she married into a hugger family. I do not think he meant non huggers are mentally deranged. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/30 "2021-09-06T02:46:44Z")
I understand that not fitting in with someones family isnt the same as going psycho, but…but…If a person knows upfront what the family culture is and they agree to join that family anyway and then they freak because the family wont change the culture to meet the persons expectations then maybe they are psycho. Caveat: I dont know if this is the situation with Chronos family. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/31 "2021-09-06T02:48:26Z")
Generally one marries an individual; and may well do so despite not agreeing with everything that their family does. ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/32 "2021-09-06T03:05:15Z")
> [@Somethingwitty1](#): > > Am I the only guy who is uncomfortable with females I am not close with hugging me? > [@kayaker](#): > > Yeah, I never offer a hug and I receive half heartedly, with anyone other than my gf, kids, and extremely close friends. I’m no expert on etiquette, but not sure one should be bear-hugging strangers. It does express a certain degree of intimacy and friendship, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/33 "2021-09-06T05:28:34Z")
> [@DPRK](#): > > I’m no expert on etiquette, but not sure one should be bear-hugging strangers. It does express a certain degree of intimacy and friendship, after all. I’ve heard tell of far-off countries where people actually KISS each other! 😮 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/34 "2021-09-06T08:32:09Z")
No it’s not just you and there would have been a time when I probably would have been the same. My family did not hug, growing up. Now, if a woman wants to hug platonically in a way that involves boob mooshing, I’m fine with that. Her choice, and it feels nice to me so why not. Life is probably more enjoyable when you are relaxed about letting a woman who wants to hug you, hug you. If it’s not for you, so be it. But if you are anything like me, getting comfortable with it might prove to be a positive, not a negative. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/35 "2021-09-06T09:03:53Z")
> [@Somethingwitty1](#): > > I think he meant that being a non hugger was a warning sign when she married into a hugger family. I do not think he meant non huggers are mentally deranged. That was my take on it too. It can apply to other characteristics too, like an atheist marrying into a strongly religious and close family. The atheist married the religious individual, sure, but the very fabric of the religious person is so different. That would definitely stress the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/36 "2021-09-06T10:29:18Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Are you seriously claiming that not wanting to be hugged by everyone is a sign of insanity? No, of course I’m not claiming that, and I’m not sure how one would get the impression that I was claiming that. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/37 "2021-09-06T10:53:41Z")
I knew you wouldn’t be claiming that, but you did write: > [@Chronos](#): > > When one of my cousins married a woman who **wouldn’t hug everyone, I knew it was a warning sign**. **Sure enough** , a few years later, **she went full-on psycho** [my emphasis] Which is not too hard to interpret in the way **thorny\_locust** did. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/38 "2021-09-06T11:50:28Z")
Let it go, people. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/39 "2021-09-06T11:58:37Z")
I grew up in a not-very-huggy environment. But i guess i do like hugging, and in social circles where it’s common I join in enthusiastically. Not creepy feel-you-up, hugs, of course, but close hugs, yes. But because of me background, i rarely initiate hugs except with my mother and my husband. I like handshakes, too. And i do initiate those. But i really hate social kissing. My brother married a woman who did that, and picked up the habit from her family. I don’t want your saliva on my cheek. He’s divorced, but hadn’t entirely lost the habit. Maybe the pandemic will break it. I’d be happy if it did. I’m sympathetic with Chronos, though. It’s a little weird to marry into a huggy family and refuse to hug anyone. I mean, i dislike familial kisses, but i understand what motivates them, and when people are doing it, i don’t back away, because that would be kinda weird. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2021, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145/40 "2021-09-06T12:56:48Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Now, if a woman wants to hug platonically in a way that involves boob mooshing, I’m fine with that. Not me. As I mentioned above, my father’s wife does that to me. I do _not_ want her boobs up against me, and yet it’s full-on contact. I instinctively pull back when she approaches. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-huggers/950145.md?page=3)