# Female overanalyzing **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2010, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470 "2010-06-01T07:27:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/21 "2010-06-01T18:45:08Z")
You should do what I always did - say nothing and eventually move on in your life, never knowing if you actually had a future together or if he was interested or not. No, wait, that’s what you do if you want to never get with him. 🙂 I have no particular insight (except he doesn’t hate you if he’s willing to spend time with you socially), but I do have encouragement - try a little obvious flirting and see how it goes. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/22 "2010-06-01T21:58:08Z")
He’s not that into you. Sorry. Guys don’t call girls they like “sweetie”. That sounds like something one of my gay friends might call a girl they are best friends with. (echoing what Stranger On A Train said). Not that he is gay (I have no idea), but “sweet” is typically how you describe someone who is into you who you don’t like in that way. As in “oh that’s sweet”. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/23 "2010-06-01T23:18:43Z")
He said that he missed you because he didn’t turn up either, and he called you “sweetie” because he can’t remember your name. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/24 "2010-06-01T23:55:25Z")
The key phrase you’re looking for is, “Would you like to go on a date sometime?” You must use the word date. Feel the fear and just do it! ---
**Author:** ![Macnbaish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Macnbaish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macnbaish)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/25 "2010-06-02T00:23:44Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I agree the sweetie thing isn’t conclusive. I’m friends with a guy who pretty much calls everyone sweetie. Totally cheesy, but it doesn’t automatically mean he’s romantically interested in you. I love all the people that are all “dude, just go ask him!” Like it’s that freaking easy. So I guess all you guys could casually walk up to a girl you’re interested in and just lay it all out, huh? Pfft, right. > > You could always feel him out by “going out on a date” with some other guy. I put that in quotes because there doesn’t need to be an actual date. You’re just telling him all this to gauge his non-verbal (and possibly verbal) reaction. If he seems a bit taken aback or even, dare I say it, upset or dissapointed, you’re golden. Then you can say the date was a crash and burn and you wish he was more like your guy, blah blah. A bit sitcom-y, sure, but it’s worked for me in the past when I haven’t quite been able to get up the nerve to be all “dude, I like you, do you like me?” Or, if you have mutual friends, you can have one of them feel him out. I would caution you against using a deception like this, as innocent as it may seem. Those of us that have been deceived a lot in the past may see that as a red flag. It’s always better to just be honest and open, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/26 "2010-06-02T01:05:08Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > You could always feel him out by “going out on a date” with some other guy. I put that in quotes because there doesn’t need to be an actual date. You’re just telling him all this to gauge his non-verbal (and possibly verbal) reaction. If he seems a bit taken aback or even, dare I say it, upset or dissapointed, you’re golden. Then you can say the date was a crash and burn and you wish he was more like your guy, blah blah. A bit sitcom-y, sure, but it’s worked for me in the past when I haven’t quite been able to get up the nerve to be all “dude, I like you, do you like me?” Or, if you have mutual friends, you can have one of them feel him out. I personally prefer to stand outside her window in the rain with Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” blasting out of an 'Eighties style boombox held above my head. Let there be no doubt about it. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/27 "2010-06-02T01:17:31Z")
So my friend knows a guy who dated a girl (and this story is far enough removed from me that I hope it’s been distorted enough through re-re-telling that it’s barely even true anymore) who was apparently a terrifying psycho, and the guy’s main reason for staying with her was fear. When they finally broke up she, according to lore, kissed his mouth, biting into his lip, asking, “Don’t you feel the passion?” I want someone to do this to me. I’d take him back right away. That shit is romantic. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/28 "2010-06-02T01:53:04Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > snip …You’re just telling him all this to gauge his non-verbal (and possibly verbal) reaction. If he seems a bit taken aback or even, dare I say it, upset or dissapointed, you’re golden. Then you can say the date was a crash and burn and you wish he was more like your guy, blah blah. A bit sitcom-y, sure, but it’s worked for me in the past when I haven’t quite been able to get up the nerve to be all “dude, I like you, do you like me?” Or, if you have mutual friends, you can have one of them feel him out. Since she’s not gauging his reactions already - why not make it more confusing? 😃 Another date? Oh well, she’s not interested in me then. Crash and burn? This girl is harsh about her dates. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/29 "2010-06-02T05:44:48Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I personally prefer to stand outside her window in the rain with Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” blasting out of an 'Eighties style boombox held above my head. > > Let there be no doubt about it. > > Stranger You’re moving up my list of Doper Crushes, mang. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/30 "2010-06-02T07:14:47Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I have no particular insight (except he doesn’t hate you if he’s willing to spend time with you socially), but I do have encouragement - try a little obvious flirting and see how it goes. I will do that. he called twice while i was out today. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/31 "2010-06-02T07:25:20Z")
> [@BigBertha](#): > > We have gone to eat together before, at my suggestion. Note: we have to meet up, as neither of us has a car. Well, buy a car and have sex with him in it! YOU’RE MAKING THIS TOO COMPLICATED! ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/32 "2010-06-02T22:09:26Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I personally prefer to stand outside her window in the rain with Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” blasting out of an 'Eighties style boombox held above my head. > > Let there be no doubt about it. > > Stranger [A boombox is not a toy!](http://www.hulu.com/watch/134727/saturday-night-live-digital-short-boombox) Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/33 "2010-06-02T23:07:34Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I personally prefer to stand outside her window in the rain with Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” blasting out of an 'Eighties style boombox held above my head. > > Let there be no doubt about it. > > Stranger I would have gone with “Shock the Monkey” myself. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/34 "2010-06-03T05:09:54Z")
Wasn’t there a movie where a scene like that played out? Baby Got Back might be a better choice. heh. Forgot, the other day; we do some volunteer work together, he commented that if we earn enough, ‘we’ could get a car. Me, I have no license and no plans to get one. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/35 "2010-06-03T07:38:11Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I have no particular insight (except he doesn’t hate you if he’s willing to spend time with you socially), but I do have encouragement - try a little obvious flirting and see how it goes. Exactly. Flirting does not make you the aggressor. It’s just a way to signal interest. And while **msmith** ’s response that “he’s not that into you” is possibly correct, the fact that you haven’t really tried to treat him as more than a friend means that it’s possible that he would love to be in a more romantic relationship with you, but is afraid of rejection. It’s exactly how I used to react in those situations. If you had already tried flirting with him, and he didn’t respond, then I’d be more concerned. That’s precisely how I’ve communicated my lack of interest in the past. I find it much less likely to end the friendship. (And I don’t generally find women flirting with me to be uncomfortable, no matter how much I like them, so lack of a negative response would be insufficient) Surely I’m not that unusual. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/36 "2010-06-03T07:57:53Z")
Thanks for saying that. I’ve always felt I should Not be the pursuer. I have many times, in the past, and it never worked. The times I’ve gotten together with someone, we both were interested at the same time (very early on) and both did the subtle verbal hints. I do not like rejction, so I think I really haven’t given him any clues, except when we met I did give him my number, but that was for a political thing we were doing. eta: I am a bit older than him, I wonder if that would have anything to do with it. Lets just say over 10 years difference. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/37 "2010-06-03T13:57:16Z")
Ask if he wants to help you make a porno. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/38 "2010-06-03T14:20:09Z")
“You know, I like being friends with you, but I’m also kind of enamored with you, so if you’re interested in something more than friendship I would like that. And if you’re totally not, let me know now and I will transport us back in time 60 seconds so this conversation never happened.” ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/39 "2010-07-30T16:13:56Z")
Well, I ran into him yesterday, he was on his way to do an odd job and told me to come along with him, then to wait while he did it. We walked him home, and i asked when I was going to see him again. he said to come over anytime; during reasonable hours, and that i have his phone number. I so just want Him to make the overtures. Just throwing this out there. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470/40 "2010-07-30T16:58:10Z")
Repeating what I wrote upthread because you obviously didn’t read it the first time: Tell him EXACTLY what you want. Right now. Don’t wait, don’t play coy games, JUST TELL HIM. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/female-overanalyzing/541470.md?page=3)