# Feminists Stole my Girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2001, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690 "2001-01-25T06:28:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2001, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/41 "2001-01-27T23:28:24Z")
Ay yi…I cook for Mr. Rilch because I like to. The kitchen is my lab. No matter how many other things might go wrong, I always know I can put a good meal on the table. I haven’t read this entire thread, but it’s possible that Skarecrow’s SO **likes** to cook, and it’s her way of expressing how much she cares for him. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2001, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/42 "2001-01-28T02:29:48Z")
The problem is that Skarecrow hasn’t as yet sat down with his girlfriend and asked her, “Do you like to cook for me, or were you doing it our of a sense of obligation?” ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/43 "2001-01-28T03:15:31Z")
I wrote: \> . . . doing it our of a sense . . . I meant to write: \> . . . doing it out of a sense . . . ---
**Author:** ![Quark\_W.Griswold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Quark\_W.Griswold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quark_W.Griswold)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/44 "2001-01-29T08:09:38Z")
Hastur said: > [@](#): > > First: it’s spelled misogyny. I was thinking **masogynist** might be a cross between mashochist and misogynist. Take this little quiz:[ul] Did she enjoy cooking? Or did she do it begrudgingly? Were you under the impression that she **did** enjoy cooking? (Specifically for you **and** in general.) Did she whine and or complain about it to (Racheal) or others? Do you spend too much time online? Do you try to assist her on those nights when you **don’t** work late? How “old” is the friend? (not age-wise; history-wise. No, wait. Both.)[/ul] I am told that some women enjoy being in the traditional USA role of “wife” (even if it’s “girlfriend”, you know what I’m talking about: the domesticated female); (tryna recapture the June Cleaver goodness). Not all take it to be mind control or abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Stupendous\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Stupendous\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stupendous_man)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/45 "2001-01-29T13:15:52Z")
I was just saying to my wife the other day, that the FemiNazis[sup]TM[/sup] have conditioned so many women to do everything themselves nowadays that when I hold the door open for a lady , she looks stunned, wondering what I am doing, and by the time she realizes, she’s already pushed open the other door and went through it. So he I am holding open a door politely for nothing. ---
**Author:** ![don\_Jaime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b4bc9f/32.png) [@don\_Jaime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_Jaime)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/46 "2001-01-29T15:16:08Z")
Stupendous Man, here in Oklahoma I hold doors open for people all the time and never get odd looks. In California I heard people sniping because I didn’t stay longer while they ambled up. Where do you live? If it’s the Northeast, it may just be shock that you’re trying to be polite. ---
**Author:** ![hedra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/779978/32.png) [@hedra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hedra)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/47 "2001-01-29T16:01:12Z")
Okay, have you talked yet?? Whatever. Here are my thoughts (late, sorry). 1. I do know plenty of ‘feminists’ who hate for a woman to do anything that sounds ‘traditional’. I recall a sermon by a noted minister (female, and widely understood to be a feminist) about this very topic. She got death threats (no foolin’) because when her husband’s job got transferred, she moved their home to the new location and found a new church. She apparently should have made him quit his job and forget finding a new one (the prospects were thin locally), give up his seniority, scrap his career, etc., just because he was the guy. Nope, instead, she and he together decided which option would disrupt things less, which would move them both forward together, which job/career was more flexible (new churches being easy to transfer to at the time), and so forth. Like they were, um, **equals** or something… 2. Some feminists like to cook. (like, me) Few people like to cook all the d\*mn time. 3. As long as you show your gratitude, don’t feel or act like you are entitled to have her cook (but rather find it a gift which you reciprocate on), and make clear that you don’t expect dinner as a gender requirement (but as something that is specific to how you both work together as individuals on an equal and loving basis), there shouldn’t be a real problem. If Rachel added doubt, made a balanced situation feel like a case of being taken advantage of, well, that sucks. Nothing like having friends who steal your joy (both hers of feeling like she’s doing something kind and nice, and yours of feeling kind-and-niced-to…). If your GF can’t tell how she feels, then she needs to think about it herself. There are times in my life where I didn’t know how I felt about something, and it was easy to get thrown by someone else’s opinion. However, it is entirely possible that Rachel only pointed out the obvious, or opened up another real issue that had been bugging GF. Only talking with GF will tell. (And I thought we weren’t stealing people anymore? Did someone forget to send me the updated guidelines?) ---
**Author:** ![Stupendous\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Stupendous\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stupendous_man)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/48 "2001-01-29T16:47:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by don Jaime \* > \*\*Stupendous Man, here in Oklahoma I hold doors open for people all the time and never get odd looks. In California I heard people sniping because I didn’t stay longer while they ambled up. Where do you live? If it’s the Northeast, it may just be shock that you’re trying to be polite. \*\* Actually, I’m in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Things must be a bit more traditional in Oklahoma, I suppose. Mostly the odd looks are as if to say: “Uh Oh…what’s THIS guy doing?” Pity. I won’t stop though. People who are older appreciate the thought, when so many of the younger generation allow a door to slam in their faces. ---
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/49 "2001-01-29T17:32:34Z")
Sounds to me like the problem isn’t your GF not doing anything nice for you, but this mysterious 3rd party medling in your love life. Talk to her about it, and if you can’t talk to her, just get in a big old fight with her, being careful not to say anything inflamitory. Let her wail on you, guys, how weak willed your GF is, what ever garbage she spews at you when she’s fired up. Then suggest she try to be nicer to you and stop the tape recorder. Evil, yes. But all’s fair in love and war… ---
**Author:** ![Blondie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@Blondie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blondie)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/50 "2001-01-29T17:49:48Z")
This was a problem at our house, but we came up with a solution. He can’t cook. The only meal he eats is dinner. I hate to cook. I also eat a big lunch every day, and I’m usually not hungry at night. I cook sometimes. We order out sometimes. We eat frozen stuff. We rarely argue about it. Everyone is happy! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/51 "2001-01-30T16:24:45Z")
The best way for a man to deal with a feminist interfering with a relationship is to become a better feminist than her. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/52 "2001-01-30T17:10:43Z")
Very nicely put. ----:)/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/53 "2001-01-30T21:30:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by don Jaime \* > \*\*Where do you live? If it’s the Northeast, it may just be shock that you’re trying to be polite. \*\* Aint that the truth…I’m amazed by the people here (Boston). People here try their damndest to avoid recognizing the fact that anyone else exists. They don’t hold a door, don’t look each other in the eye… Funny, pathetic people. ---
**Author:** ![Skarecrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Skarecrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skarecrow)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/54 "2001-01-31T08:37:39Z")
I may have misrepresented this just by reading the replies that I have gotten. The problem never made it’s way into my girlfriends psyche, I was simply commenting on the (what I veiwed as) over reaction of her friend. Sorry if I lead you all to believe otherwise. I’m tired so this was not very articulate I am sure. Thanks for all the replies though, I agree with a great many of them. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/55 "2001-01-31T11:30:57Z")
The problem is not that your gf’s friend is a feminist, I have no problem with it, and I am a feminist. When I mention that I do things like let my hair grow and never cut it simply because my husband likes it that way, several bitches I am aquainted with tell me how horrible that is and that I should cut my hair. When I mention other things that I do simply to please my husband they act the same way. Mind you, these same bitches and several of my husband’s now former friends tried to convince him not to do the many wonderful things he does just to please me, like bring me coffee whenever I want it, or do all the housework. (For which I show my appreciation both verbally and orally.) These people are not for gender equality, they are not feminists. They simply can’t stand to see people please each other out of love, even if it means some sacrifice or inconvenience. Hubby does not have to continue doing all he does for me to keep my love, and I doubt very much that if I cut my hair he would stop loving me. It amazes me the number of people that want to change our relationship. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690/56 "2001-01-31T12:12:54Z")
Feminists, they want all totty to stop giggling and acting girly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/feminists-stole-my-girlfriend/51690.md?page=2)