# Fenris wants to be pitified
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [July 17, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822 "2001-07-17T17:49:46Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/1 "2001-07-17T17:49:46Z")
Or is that pitiful?
Awright you sheep-felching wide-posting…erm…fuckknocker.
Your habit of posting funny and/or intelligent posts must stop. Now. You’re making the rest of us look like humorless twits.
Also… :: **dogsbody** gets distracted by a passing butterfly, and chases it for several minutes.::
What was I ranting about?
[sub]wank[/sub]
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/2 "2001-07-17T18:02:00Z")
I’ve had just about all I can take of that steaming, maggot-infested pile of funny songs and creative posts who named himself after some kind of weird Norse wolf or something.
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### Author:  [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/3 "2001-07-17T18:39:08Z")
Ha! I haven’t had any respect for that little maggot since he confessed he used to download porn from the internet. Porn! Imagine a respected Doper doing something like that!
When I stop being soo disgusted, I’ll start praying for him.
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### Author:  [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/4 "2001-07-17T18:53:17Z")
I have it on good authority that **Fenris** , while he protests the “Plea to the Invisible Authority” debate tactic, is actually the one who first did it. Yeah, that’s right, Fenris. I’m onto you. And I’ve got at least 150 e-mails from a number of your associates to prove it. Of course, they requested to remain annonymous, since they don’t want to blow their cover.
Whelp.
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### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/5 "2001-07-17T19:15:37Z")
People, I’m touched, but…let’s face it. This is a Pity Pit Thread. I mean, if Ma Parrot or Mu Shu started a hate-filled thread calling me on the carpet, well! That would be something special. This thread is positively filled with veiled compliments and witty comments.
I was hoping for bile, melt-downs, mod-warnings admin-warnings, hurt feelings, people stomping off in a huff vowing never to post here again (lasting for about 15 minutes) and profanity. Hell, in the Pit Thread of My Dreams, **Ed** himself might come in and warn someone… \
On the other hand, I’m not a Mod, so I doubt that Mu Shu or Ma Parrot physically capable of starting a thread about me. So maybe I should shut up and enjoy this.
Carry on.
😃
Fenris
---
### Author:  [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/6 "2001-07-17T19:42:55Z")
You, sir, are a whiny little bitch.
You get what you’ve always wanted - a pit thread of your very own - and then you complain that it’s **not good enough**? Y’know what? Fuck you. Fuck you and the wolf thingy you named yourself after.
Fenris, widely acknowledged as one of the most creative and popular posters here, is complaining that the other posters are not writing good enough material. Arrogant fucking prick. If we don’t do it for you, Fenris, you can just go find some other message board. If you can find one that lives up to your “standards”. Shithead. Suck my tiny little balls.
And you can forget about Mods or Admins coming in here to rescue you when the shit gets too deep. They all hate you too and are only waiting for you to screw up.
If we don’t amuse you, Fenris, go stuff a hungry wolverine down your pants.
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### Author:  [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/7 "2001-07-17T21:00:37Z")
Well, for **one** thing, **Fenris** lives to goddam far away. :mad: :mad: :mad:
and
[whiney mom voice on] he never calls, he never writes, whadamI? chopped liver here? [/whiney mom voice]
and besides, in [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=78072&pagenumber=2) **Arnold Winkelried** sez of **Fenris**
> [@](#):
>
> Ditto? Ditto? You provincial :wally:
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### Author:  [@The\_Man\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_Who)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/8 "2001-07-17T21:30:43Z")
“F” is for one fuckwit of a poster,
“E” means he’s extremely fucking dumb,
“N” stands for the nervy little numbnuts,
“R” means that he’s really fucking dumb.
“I” think Fenris sucks like last year’s Hoover,
“S,” he’s sucky as a man can be,
Put them all together they spell “FENRIS,”
And Fenris means dumbass to me.
-The Man Who
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### Author:  [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/9 "2001-07-17T21:41:20Z")
I pitify the fool.
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### Author:  [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/10 "2001-07-17T21:47:18Z")
The **piss someone off!**
Holy nice-guy, Batman. How PITiful is this lame fuck we call **fenris**? The sorry bastard has to ask someone to open a PIT thread for him! What kind of wishy-washy, group-think, whatever you say **Phaedrus** , please don’t hate me zombie can’t find **anyone** on this board to offend? Have you no soul? Or is it spine that’s lacking?
Great Gaea, man, are you even trying? I’ve been called out in the PIT twice this month, and I almost managed a third thread just because I tried to accept a bet! How hard can it be to say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person? Take a stand, any stand! Press a point. Disagree with somebody and then refuse to apologize. Do I have to draw you a map! **Piss somebody off!**
I mean it! DO it now! If this lame excuse for a flame thread doesn’t find an excuse soon – I might just have to take you to the PIT!
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### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/11 "2001-07-17T22:50:19Z")
**wring** , that was Hedley Winkelried addressing Fenris Taggart.
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### Author:  [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/12 "2001-07-17T23:02:41Z")
Well, **Fenris** , I suppose I could manage to have a complete meltdown if you really wanted.
Lessee. Maybe I’ll start by making some sort of threat against your SO…except that would involve thinking of something violent, which I’m just not up for at the moment.
So…how about something about **Arnold** and you both using socks/being trollish assholes in the last couple of posts in this thread & the “banned” thread (without link, of course, and without support). No, that wouldn’t work, either, because I’d have to pretend that I don’t know a thing about one of the funniest movies ever filmed.
Hm…Well, there’s always the **FreakFreely** method, except that it sounds like far too much work, and I’m not sure anyone would believe I could be that much of a threat to anyone.
I could run around following you through various threads and insulting you for no reason. That might be fun for a while, but I suspect it’d get boring really quick…
Damn.
Maybe I should just take a shortcut and insult the Anomalous ClogDick :eek:
Or not.
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### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/13 "2001-07-18T00:03:54Z")
**dogsbody** LOL. And with regards to the **FreakFreely** thing, I personally live in mortal terror of you! 😉
Gawrsh **Mr. Wnkelried** , Ah’d shoor appreciate it, if you could find it…in yoor heart, tuh ban some uppity troll.
**Spiritus** : Regarding Pissing people off: I’ve tried, _Lord_ how I’ve tried!
**Finagle** : Are you wearing 20 pounds of gold jewelry?
**The Man Who** : \ That was beautiful, man.
**wring** : I don’t live too far away, you do. I thought we’d settled that.
* * *
All kidding aside for a minute: **Kamandi** , you’ve either made the single damned best straight-faced parody of a Pit response I’ve _ever_ seen in the entire time I’ve been on the board, or we’re having a serious miscommunication issue here. If this was a parody, I will personally buy you the drink of your choice at some future Dopefest, shake your hand and will resolve to _never, never, **never** _ play poker with you. If you’re serious, please say so. \
Fenris
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### Author:  [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/14 "2001-07-18T00:13:42Z")
I crap bigger than Fenris.
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### Author:  [@Turbo\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turbo_Dog)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/15 "2001-07-18T00:25:32Z")
I was actually gonna say something but as I kept reading…
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Scylla \*
> \*\*I crap bigger than Fenris. \*\*
Just didn’t see it coming and blew a big gulp of bourbon out my nose. Now that I’ve stopped stomping my feet, yelling and crying, I forgot what I was gonna say.
Thanks a lot asshole.
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### Author:  [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/16 "2001-07-18T00:43:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*
> All kidding aside for a minute: **Kamandi** , you’ve either made the single damned best straight-faced parody of a Pit response I’ve _ever_ seen in the entire time I’ve been on the board, or we’re having a serious miscommunication issue here. If this was a parody, I will personally buy you the drink of your choice at some future Dopefest, shake your hand and will resolve to _never, never, **never** _ play poker with you. If you’re serious, please say so. \
>
> Fenris \*\*
😉
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### Author:  [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/17 "2001-07-18T00:51:17Z")
Really, **Fenris** , like anyone could possibly be pissed at you? 😛
I’d just like to take this opportunity to note, in a very un-Pit like way, that it’s posters like **Fenris** and **Scylla** that keep me coming back to this place. Thanks!
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### Author:  [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/18 "2001-07-18T00:53:00Z")
Calm down, kiddo. You asked for it, so I gave it to you. I figured you didn’t want to see the tongue in my cheek from a thousand miles away. Guess I don’t know my own strength.
I’m a lousy poker player, by the way.
---
### Author:  [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/19 "2001-07-18T01:04:39Z")
Kamandi, I figgered you were kidding all along, but goddamn that was a great post. Hats off to you. There’s something about calling a man a “whiny little bitch” that makes me giggle and snort.
Fenris, you little shit, just sit back–er, I mean, bend over–and enjoy this.
_plants a big wet kiss on his hairy, pimply left buttcheek_
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2001, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fenris-wants-to-be-pitified/72822/20 "2001-07-18T01:05:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kamandi \*
> \*\*Calm down, kiddo. You asked for it, so I gave it to you. I figured you didn’t want to see the tongue in my cheek from a thousand miles away. Guess I don’t know my own strength.
>
> I’m a lousy poker player, by the way. \*\*
😃 \ You _bastard_. I am in awe of your abilities. My dad is a world-champion bullshitter, and man, you may, just may have just beaten him!
I meant what I said: if we’re ever at a Dopefest, I’ll buy you a drink, and I _won’t_ play poker with you (I’ve heard the “I’m a lousy poker player” routine before 😃
Fenris
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