# Fertility Does Not Make A Marriage **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 11, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731 "2004-02-11T22:41:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/21 "2004-02-12T15:07:59Z")
Yeesh… I’m still surprised that anyone can find fault with someone wanting to marry the person they love…regardless of gender. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/22 "2004-02-12T15:10:23Z")
Just to throw in my two cents, too. I don’t ever want kids. At least not my own. Perhaps one day I’d like to adopt a daughter from one of the underpriviledged countries in the world, but not my own. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/23 "2004-02-12T15:12:42Z")
**Jar** , I’m very sorry that this numbnut has upset you. You are right on target. I just got married a little over a year ago to Mr2U - and I’m going to be thirtymotherfuckingeight years old in less than three weeks - I’m supposed to have a child to validate my marriage??? That’s insane. What we DO have is just what you posted - “the longevity of the perfect companionship”. And that’s what makes us happy. Well said, hon. Well said. **Broomstick** , all I gotta say is Ding, Ding, Ding - boy did you hit THAT nail on the head. Well done!! ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/24 "2004-02-12T15:29:01Z")
This whole argument is nothing but pathetic grasping at straws for people who are against gay marriage, and can’t find a REAL reason for it, other than their own hatred. We allow old people to remain married, even though their procreative abilities are long gone. We allow sterile people to remain married, whether the sterility is natural, through surgery, or medication. We allow married people to not have babies at their own choice. Married people can even **shudder** not have sex, if they want. Marriage has never really been about procreation, but it’s the only way to separate gay marriage from straight marriage, without just coming right out and saying you hate gay people. ---
**Author:** ![Grant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a5b964/32.png) [@Grant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grant)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/25 "2004-02-12T15:29:18Z")
Soon after I started dating my GF she had to have both ovaries removed. We’ve been together for 2 yrs now and I was going to propose Saturday night. I guess I shouldn’t bother. :rolleyes: Here I thought things were going pretty well for me now I find out I should’ve dumped her after that (maybe even while she was still in the hospital). WTF??? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/26 "2004-02-12T15:29:51Z")
I think that, for the most part, the idiots who are saying that gay marriage is unacceptable because procreation cannot result. . .well, they’re only saying that because they don’t have a **good** reason to object. Why don’t they have a good reason? Duh. Because there _is_ no good reason! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/27 "2004-02-12T15:39:38Z")
This non-married, non-mother person can relate. I have a married brother who adopted a child and a lesbian sister whose partner had two children via in vitro that she (my sister) adopted. According to a stupid ass I use to work with, my brother’s child was my nephew, but my sister’s children were not my nieces. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/28 "2004-02-12T16:00:42Z")
Another voice chiming in to say “How dare you belittle and dismiss my marriage to make your piddling, illogical, bigoted point?” I’m so tired of this nonsense, so very tired. If you want to talk about revisionist defining, this idea that family is two parents of opposite genders and children is the biggest revision of them all. The root of the word is the Latin meaning simply household. And one needn’t strain too hard to understand what that means, and know that there are no specific parts required. It’s not lost on me that the majority of the people who seem to be fighting so hard to proscribe the liberties of others are those who have never had to face much by way of discrimination or deprivation. It must be very nice to be privileged in that way to the extent that you honestly believe that you’re so very together and so very correct that you have the right to try to micromanage and pass judgment on the lives of others. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/29 "2004-02-12T16:04:41Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > If that’s the case, where are _his_ kids? > > Robin Oh well, at least Rush takes the sanctity of marriage seriously enough to have stayed married to his first wife… [or not…](http://radio.about.com/library/blprofiles/blpro-rush.htm) ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/30 "2004-02-12T16:22:29Z")
It never ceases to amaze me how people feel it is their business to pry into whether other people are reproducing or not. I’m not married, but I’ve been engaged once, and whenever I told people I was engaged, the FIRST DAMN QUESTION they would ask is, “When are you going to have kids?” Well, let’s see. Assuming you’re somebody I actually know who deserves an answer, there were actually three answers – not until I finish school at the very least, and at that point, I had two or three years to go for my undergrad let alone anything else. Also, I can’t have my own, so if I want kids I either inherit them as a stepmom or I adopt. Adoption can cost a ton of money and if we can’t afford it I’m not going to do it. There IS a fourth answer, but it would horrify some people. I’d like to have a kid or two if I get the chance. BUT it is not the all-encompassing desire of my very being, either. I am not dying to have kids. If it happens, that’s great. If not, well, that’s okay too. Right at this moment, even if I were in a position where I could (barring stepkids which are part of the marriage package) I probably wouldn’t because I don’t want to all that badly. I must be a horrible, horrible human being. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/31 "2004-02-12T17:12:04Z")
A woman in our church came up to me and my wife and asked “So when are you going to start a family?” I smiled sweetly and said “The two of us already are a family.” ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/32 "2004-02-12T17:18:14Z")
I’m glad I’m not alone on this issue. Don’t get me wrong…Mr. Jar and I WANT to have children, like CRAZY do we want them, but if it never happens, through Nature or Medical Science or Adoption or whatever, then we’ll still be family to each other and our extended relatives and all that. I think I was just a bit on edge yesterday, triggered the outburst. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/33 "2004-02-12T18:22:33Z")
> [@LVgeogeek](#): > > \I got married in October last year (so I have been married for 4 whole months now) and people me and husband know are giving us grief because we are not working on starting family yet- WTF!! \and, oh yeah… also we dont feel like having kids right now- maybe never. > Then some people have told us since we are not planning on having kids then we _should not have gotten married_- like it is any of thier gosh-darn business. Others have said I should have them now “while I am young-before it is too late” (i will be 28 this year) and worry about getting my MS later… ummmmm excuse me??? :mad: > They just tell me I am selfish- I say well fuck you! (sorry slight hijack there) **LVgeogeek** , it sounds like you’re kinda new to the “I’ll have kids when and if I’m ready to, and kindly mind your own business” world - let me assure you that you’ll find a lot of support here. [Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=188651&highlight=childless+choice) a thread regarding this topic. Or feel free to start your own rant - although maybe you need a couple more months of buttinskis to get that annoyed. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/34 "2004-02-12T19:35:48Z")
But…wait. You mean you don’t _have_ to have kids after getting married? Well then, can you still have sex? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/35 "2004-02-12T19:52:54Z")
> [@photopat](#): > > But…wait. You mean you don’t _have_ to have kids after getting married? Well then, can you still have sex? 😉 Man, I sure hope so. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/36 "2004-02-12T19:53:40Z")
> [@](#): > > I dunno, Cervaise, fontboning sounds too good for him. I think such a dipshit deserves to be schlessingered, at least. Schlessingering? I hope it doesn’t involve a lot of santorum :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/37 "2004-02-13T07:44:59Z")
I suppose the starting point is that it’s right there in the Christian marriage rite - or it was at my brother’s wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/38 "2004-02-13T10:45:28Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Everything on this earth happens for a reason. > > . I pray that this is not true. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/39 "2004-02-13T14:58:29Z")
> [@qts](#): > > I suppose the starting point is that it’s right there in the Christian marriage rite - or it was at my brother’s wedding. Well, Mr. Jar and I had a Christian wedding in a Christian church and while we chose to pray for the blessing of children, it wasn’t a requirement of the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731/40 "2004-02-13T18:19:10Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Wow. It’s been a while…I should have included the quote: > > Later fontbone says sterility is acceptable, but if “all parts are functioning normally” and still no children result, it’s … wrong somehow. > > Font, my husband and I have been through years of tests and ‘all parts are functioning normally’, and we’re still not pregnant. > > But we ARE still a family. Here here! Luckily I don’t run into this too often, but my poor wife, who works as a teacher at a daycare, and also is surrounded by the “must have children to be a family” mafia at church feels the pain almost daily. Sometimes people can’t have children no matter how hard they try, does that make it less of a marriage? Of course when you bring this up to the people who use that as their defence against gay marriage they say “no… of course not… you’re an exception”. Great I’m a fucking fluke, the 1% that is somehow acceptable as a fault tolerance. Fuck you very much. My other favorite statment is hearing “well you could adopt” as if the only solution to happiness is having a child. We’re about hitting our expenditure limit after 14 months of treatments and don’t know where to go from here. but no matter what we are a family and we have a good marriage. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fertility-does-not-make-a-marriage/228731.md?page=3)