# Fessing up to my divorce **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2019, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800 "2019-03-31T04:45:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/1 "2019-03-31T04:45:11Z")
I’m getting divorced. It is not something I feel a great need to share, and frankly it is mildly embarrassing to say this on the SDMB, given that anyone with a strange desire to unearth my posting history could doubtless find a number of posts over the past decade-plus in which I seemed extremely happily married and lavishly praising of my husband. However, I’d like to be able to post transparently, in keeping with my circumstances. If I want to ask a question about property division, or mention a boyfriend/SO rather than a spouse, I’d like to be able to do so without feeling weird, or worrying about (an admittedly unlikely) “wait … what?” post from someone who keeps track of long-time posters and recalls that I’m a long-married person. I’ll just link to this thread if that happens. That is all. No need to express regrets or anything at all, my fellow Dopers. I had a great, 36-year run married to someone very wonderful. Now I move into a new phase of my existence, proving that even at age 60, life can surprise you. I’m scared shitless, but also very excited about the future. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/2 "2019-03-31T04:56:01Z")
Here’s to your future! I know it’s a bright one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/3 "2019-03-31T04:56:15Z")
You’ll be fine, especially if you guys can remain friends. I was with my ex wife for 15 years and now we’ve been apart almost that long. We had some mutual friends in town tonight and all had a great time together. No regrets for any of it. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/4 "2019-03-31T04:59:48Z")
Oh gawd yes, the friend thing … that’s one of the sticky parts. Happy to hear you arrived at a good place, **hajario**. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/5 "2019-03-31T05:41:48Z")
Many hugs to you, CairoCarol. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/6 "2019-03-31T06:17:49Z")
Well, stuff happens. Never fun to go through but I wish you the very best. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/7 "2019-03-31T07:58:44Z")
You’ll be just fine, CairoCarol. I hope your next chapter is a great one. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/8 "2019-03-31T10:08:39Z")
Wait…what?!? You knew someone would do it. Might as well be a moron like me. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/9 "2019-03-31T10:25:07Z")
My empathy to you CairoCarol. No need to be embarrassed, things happen, people change. Even though this isn’t the fun part, I’m going to say that you’re at an age where it should be less difficult a process than for most folks. (Take it from me, I’m on round 2) Find a counselor who can show you some info on what to expect and always keep your face forward and look to the future ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/10 "2019-03-31T10:57:35Z")
Oh shit. Sorry it happened but no need to be embarrased. Best wishes forward. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/11 "2019-03-31T11:20:44Z")
Absolutely no reason to be embarrassed. It’s not 1962, when my uncle got divorced and was shunned by mom’s family for decades (Catholics). ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/12 "2019-03-31T11:28:46Z")
Good luck CC ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/13 "2019-03-31T13:19:59Z")
Divorced? Oh, my, what shame you have brought upon the SDMB. Seriously, though, best of luck to you. You probably don’t feel like sharing at this point, but I am interested in hearing how a marriage can last 36 years but no longer (My 36th anniversary is in 2 months). mmm ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/14 "2019-03-31T13:38:47Z")
I was with my husband for over 30 years when we split up. We still love each other, but wanted different things in the end. Mostly it was because he wanted to live more rural than I did. I will say that I was taken by complete surprise when I was hit by a wave of grief six months after we had parted ways, which is only now, after almost two years, starting to abate. Since the divorce was my idea, I guess I thought I wasn’t going to grieve. That was really dumb of me. Carol, you have no need to be embarrassed and I hope you will have a smooth transition. We are here for you when or if you have a bumpy time and feel the need to “talk”. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/15 "2019-03-31T14:19:30Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > I was with my husband for over 30 years when we split up. We still love each other, but wanted different things in the end. Mostly it was because he wanted to live more rural than I did. IOW, the kind of situation which decades ago and if money allowed would have meant separate houses but no divorce. Mores change, that’s all, and with people living much longer it makes sense that more of us will outgrow relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/16 "2019-03-31T14:37:27Z")
Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/17 "2019-03-31T18:02:27Z")
I heard someplace (no cite) that marriages are lasting as long, even with divorce, than they did 150 years ago. The old fashioned way was a spouse, usually the woman, would die. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/18 "2019-03-31T20:53:37Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > …frankly it is mildly embarrassing to say this on the SDMB, given that anyone with a strange desire to unearth my posting history could doubtless find a number of posts over the past decade-plus in which I seemed extremely happily married and lavishly praising of my husband. I hear ya, sister. I think it was a year before I mentioned my divorce here, for largely the same reason. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/19 "2019-03-31T23:31:30Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Wait…what?!? Okay, that made me laugh. Thank you for the support and kind words, everyone. I’m sure I’ll be willing to talk about later, just not quite yet. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2019, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800/20 "2019-03-31T23:52:32Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I heard someplace (no cite) that marriages are lasting as long, even with divorce, than they did 150 years ago. The old fashioned way was a spouse, usually the woman, would die. Hasn’t the life expectancy of women pretty much always exceeded that of men? 😕 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fessing-up-to-my-divorce/831800.md?page=2)