# Fiancée says no strippers at bachelor party — is that a reasonable request? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2007, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555 "2007-08-22T21:07:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/41 "2007-08-22T22:46:04Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] edit: FWIW, my fiance told me no strippers as well, and I agreed with her, but I told her **if she lays conditions** , my conditions were no sex dolls, dildos were ok, as long as they weren’t used on each other. [/QUOTE] Bolding is mine. Did you set these conditions only because she wanted to impose her own conditions, or because the idea of her being involved in such toys being used at the party would actually bother you? If the latter, would you have not bothered to say anything to her if she hadn’t said no strippers to you? ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/42 "2007-08-22T22:48:30Z")
[QUOTE=msmith537] It seems absurd and controlling to me when a woman says a man can’t have strippers at a bachelor party. [/QUOTE] Since we’re throwing opinions out there, I think it’s juvenile and disrespectful to have strippers at a bachelor party. **SNec** , you’re a good egg. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/43 "2007-08-22T22:49:36Z")
[QUOTE=Asimovian] Bolding is mine. Did you set these conditions only because she wanted to impose her own conditions, or because the idea of her being involved in such toys being used at the party would actually bother you? If the latter, would you have not bothered to say anything to her if she hadn’t said no strippers to you? [/QUOTE] Good question. Yes, it does bother me, since she will not let me use toys on her, so in a way it is cheating. Girls using toys on each other, still cheating. IMO, her using a sex doll, especially at a party in front of other people, is cheating (though a doll at home by herself probably not). I would probably ask her not to do those things, but not lay them down as conditional. She laid down “no strippers” as conditional, as in she demanded it. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/44 "2007-08-22T22:49:54Z")
I’ve always been told that the bachelor party is for the friends of the groom and in the tree bachelor parties that I have been a part of this has certainly been the case. The groom watches but it is the single friends who participate in the show or extracurricular activities with the strippers. Twice the groom went home early and we didn’t notice that he left. The third party the best man got the idea to show the groom all of the things he was getting out of by getting married, shitty music in clubs, expensive bar drinks, ugly strippers and the general consensus at the end of the night was god I’m glad we don’t do this. I get not doing it if she has a problem but I think it could have been handled with a different approach then the banning of naked women. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/45 "2007-08-22T22:51:32Z")
[QUOTE=Nikki Tikki Tavi] Since we’re throwing opinions out there, I think it’s juvenile and disrespectful to have strippers at a bachelor party. **SNec** , you’re a good egg. [/QUOTE] Are you a woman? If so is it juvenile and disrespectful to carry around giant dildos at restaurants and comedy clubs? If not, why? Also, many women do Chip’n’dales as well, of course is probably isn’t disrespectful for a women to see a naked man, right? ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/46 "2007-08-22T22:57:21Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] I don’t really understand a response that starts “Her feelings aside . . .” since her feelings are the whole point. [/QUOTE] I think that was me. She _made_ her feelings the key point. In reality this a is party for the prospective groom thrown by the best man. Usually at the best man’s expense. Although she’d state she trusts him, she wants that party to conform to _her_ wishes. That does sound a little unreasonable. In fact, since she’s removed the very real issue of trust from her argument, she could just as easily state that she doesn’t want beer at the party, or unhealthy junkfood, or anything else she finds crass that other people might enjoy. I’d posit that there really is a trust issue, btw. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/47 "2007-08-22T23:01:48Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Word. The sooner this young man learns to surrender all autonomy, the happier he’ll be. If it’s any consolation, **Snenc** , the wife is almost always right and she’ll save you from a good number of potentially disastrous mistakes. There will be a handful of times where you will be able to put your foot down and insist that on THIS you are going to have your way. Spend that capital wisely. [/QUOTE] Reminds me of the story of [Arthur, Gawain, and the hag](http://www.nyc-ads.com/king-arthur.htm), then moral of which is “all women are witches,” no it’s “women want to be loved,” no… I think it was “woman want to have their own way.” Anyway… I agree that respecting her feeling is great and all, but I am a bit concerned about her worries over the bachelor party tradition. This is your nigh-sacred night to let loose and go nuts. Why should you have to respect her feelings over no-strippers and she doesn’t have to respect your feelings about the specialty of this night? A loving relationship is about sacrifice and giving, but meddling with a bachelor party strikes me as a large symbolic blow against tradition and equal partnership. This is your last night to go out with all of your friends and loudly proclaim to the world “I am a crass, perverted, boorish troglodyte, and God damnit I’m proud of it.” Ok, well you get what I mean. You know, in a way it’s not even about the strippers. It sure was a good issue for her to pick, because all sorts of prudes come out of the woodwork in support. So, along those lines, what if she had said “no beer” or “no snack food?” Her request would have been just as intrusive, but how would you have felt about giving in to her demands then? It boils down to reasonibility. I dont think strippers are unreasonable at all at a bachelor party. Clearly others think differently. In conclusion, I think you’re both very loving of each other, so really your choice was optimal, , but the whole situation irks me nevertheless. What other kind of things are going to become a big issue? For starters, what about her bachelorette party? ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/48 "2007-08-22T23:01:49Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] Are you a woman? If so is it juvenile and disrespectful to carry around giant dildos at restaurants and comedy clubs? If not, why? Also, many women do Chip’n’dales as well, of course is probably isn’t disrespectful for a women to see a naked man, right? [/QUOTE] I am. Is it juvenile for women to carry around giant dildos? Um…of course? Disrespectful? I guess it could be seen that way. We rented a limo and went dancing for my bachlorette party, and there were no dildos of any size involved. No male strippers, no penis-shaped anything. I think that stuff is silly and embarassing. My husband wouldn’t feel disrespected if I went to a male strip club, but it’s not my thing anyhow. I, however, would feel disrespected if he went to a female strip club. He respects my feelings, I respect his, that’s a big reason that our relationship works. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/49 "2007-08-22T23:08:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Epimetheus** > > - Are you a woman? If so is it juvenile and disrespectful to carry around giant dildos at restaurants and comedy clubs? If not, why? Also, many women do Chip’n’dales as well, of course is probably isn’t disrespectful for a women to see a naked man, right?\* I’m a woman, and, hell yes, carrying around giant dildos in public is juvenile, disrespectful, and trashy as fuck. And if a woman’s fiance feels strongly about her not having male strippers at her party, she should absolutely accede to his wishes. > [@](#): > > \*After all, you aren’t having sex with strippers, but by all accounts, if you USE a dildo or a sex doll, you are having sex with it. \* What the heck are bachelorette parties like in your neck of the woods? I’ve been to many bachelorette parties, but I’ve never even heard of one featuring dildo use. Do they have pillow fights and spread whipped cream on each other, too? ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/50 "2007-08-22T23:09:12Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] Are you a woman? If so is it juvenile and disrespectful to carry around giant dildos at restaurants and comedy clubs? If not, why? [/QUOTE] It’s juvenile and disrespectful in that it represents humor, parody, hyperbole! It is done for laughs. There is no lust for the giant lime-green dayglo dildo! Do you not see the difference? That said, that type of humor is not to my taste, but I find it to be in a very different category than male or female strippers, also not to my taste. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/51 "2007-08-22T23:10:26Z")
So what are you going to do when your buddy decides to be a comedian and get strippers anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/52 "2007-08-22T23:10:54Z")
[QUOTE=Nikki Tikki Tavi] I think that stuff is silly and embarassing. [/QUOTE] I think it is too, and I am glad you don’t follow a double standard. I imagine some do, I know my SO does, she plans on having penis shaped things and drinking a lot. I’ll admit though, however, that I had never considered having a stripper at my bachelors party, and I haven’t gone and seen a stripper since I was freshly 18 and it was new and interesting. (My reasons are very similar to a feminists, however odd that is, yes I do think it is degrading for women to strip for money) ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/53 "2007-08-22T23:12:34Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] I think it is too, and I am glad you don’t follow a double standard. **I imagine some do, I know my SO does, she plans on having penis shaped things and drinking a lot.** I’ll admit though, however, that I had never considered having a stripper at my bachelors party, and I haven’t gone and seen a stripper since I was freshly 18 and it was new and interesting. (My reasons are very similar to a feminists, however odd that is, yes I do think it is degrading for women to strip for money) [/QUOTE] Re: the bolded portion. Does that bother you? ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/54 "2007-08-22T23:13:35Z")
[QUOTE=burundi] What the heck are bachelorette parties like in your neck of the woods? I’ve been to many bachelorette parties, but I’ve never even heard of one featuring dildo use. Do they have pillow fights and spread whipped cream on each other, too? [/QUOTE] I am from Missouri (not much else to do), and I admit many of my friends can be seen as trashy, but it does happen. I saw some of the video ☹ Edit: and no, there aren’t pillow fights and whipped cream, at least not what I saw. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/55 "2007-08-22T23:14:03Z")
[QUOTE=SNenc] She also believes a large number of strippers are merely prostitutes forced to strip as a “day job,” something she picked up while working for an anti-trafficking group. [/QUOTE] This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read in my life. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/56 "2007-08-22T23:14:49Z")
[QUOTE=Nikki Tikki Tavi] Re: the bolded portion. Does that bother you? [/QUOTE] It makes me think a tiny bit less of her I suppose, but as long as she doesn’t actually do the dildo thing, I don’t care too much. ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/57 "2007-08-22T23:16:07Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] So what are you going to do when your buddy decides to be a comedian and get strippers anyway? [/QUOTE] **Cervaise** , you ask a relevant question. I truly don’t think he would, but if he did, and I were not totally inebriated, I would employ the “look from afar” which means she can stay and do her thing, but no lap dances for me. I’d like to stay true to my word but not be a buzzkill at the same time. If I am inebriated, I suspect I’ll end up tied to a chair, so what I want won’t matter much. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/58 "2007-08-22T23:19:52Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] edit: FWIW, my fiance told me no strippers as well, and I agreed with her, but I told her if she lays conditions, my conditions were no sex dolls, dildos were ok, as long as they weren’t used on each other. [/QUOTE] What, wait, women at bachorette parties use dildoes on each other? Why wasn’t I told about this? And you would OBJECT to that? I’d be setting up the camcorder. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/59 "2007-08-22T23:25:05Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] What, wait, women at bachorette parties use dildoes on each other? Why wasn’t I told about this? And you would OBJECT to that? I’d be setting up the camcorder. [/QUOTE] Ok, I really don’t know if it is common, I saw a home video of a female friends of mine, her sister got married, and at the party there were a few (admittedly potheads) there that were. They weren’t lesbians, nor had they ever showed interest in other women. It could just be their thing, but just in case it wasn’t something more common, I wanted to lay that out to her. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555/60 "2007-08-22T23:29:51Z")
Or, **SNenc** , you can ask your fiancée: if that joker gets a stripper anyway, what should I do? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fiancee-says-no-strippers-at-bachelor-party-is-that-a-reasonable-request/416555.md?page=4)