# Fifty years later, does America need a stupider motto? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2006, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065 "2006-12-30T02:32:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/1 "2006-12-30T02:32:35Z")
1956 was of course the worst year that the United States had ever faced. Wracked by turmoil and social upheaval, beset by enemies within and without, the nation thrashed about like a dying, constipated beast. Whole cities crumbled into ruin amid the chaos as American society teetered on the very brink of collapse. The horror of that time has made the name of Eisenhower synonymous with anarchy even to this day. My father would never talk about how he and his family survived those grim times. Fortunately, in the very nick of time, legislators realized the true cause of the crisis: **America’s national motto wasn’t stupid enough.** Like all of the country’s other woes, this disaster could ultimately be traced back to that most sinister of Americans, Thomas Jefferson. The same treacherous impulses that led him to betray his rightful King also inevitably prompted him to sabotage the fledgling nation by giving it the worst possible state motto: _E pluribus unum_. Not only was this an unforgivably pompous classical reference, its subversive message-- “out of many, one–” would result in a catastrophic tradition of escalating tolerance and unity that was doomed to tear the country apart in less than two hundred years. With Jefferson’s nefarious plan finally revealed, the government was faced with the challenge of selecting a stupider, less tolerant motto to more accurately embody the national character. A list was compiled of various candidates such as “no loitering,” “if you’re so smart why ain’t you rich?” and “whites only.” However, at last “In God we trust,” a judiciously recycled version of the Confederate States of America’s motto “God will vindicate,” was chosen for its historical resonance, potential for divisiveness, and general inappropriateness. Legislators also remarked favorably on its weirdly bass-ackwards phrasing, “which calls to mind the speech of a comical Chinaman, or of some type of puppet from a science fiction serial of some kind.” The motto proved its worth immediately, as its blandly pious presence on American currency spurred an unparalleled economic boom, resulting in an age of renewed prosperity that lasted until the Carter years. Yet now, five decades later, threats to America are on the rise once more. There’s the war on Christmas, of course; and also Iraq’s unprovoked invasion of the United States, which continues to cost the lives of American soldiers. Iran and North Korea could launch a nuclear attack on American cities at any time, if indeed they haven’t already, and Mexicans continue to occur. Is it once again time to safeguard ourselves with a new, even stupider motto? Perhaps “In God and Jesus we trust really; in fact their voices inside our heads we often hear,” or “are you ready for some football?!” ---
**Author:** ![Sevastopol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Sevastopol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevastopol)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/2 "2006-12-30T02:44:33Z")
We just do. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/3 "2006-12-30T02:49:21Z")
I’m sorry – foreigner here. Is this meant to be a spoof, and if so, what of? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/4 "2006-12-30T02:53:15Z")
America…of course. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/5 "2006-12-30T02:55:34Z")
What’s wrong with “USA! USA! USA!” In the same spirit, I am petitioning my government to have the national anthem changed from “O Canada” to the theme song from “Hockey Night in Canada.” ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/6 "2006-12-30T02:55:51Z")
**Ice Wolf,** there is a little thing called polictical satire that you should probably wikipedia. I, too, have been troubled by the fact that Mexicans continue to occur. Clearly, America has not accepted Jesus as our lord and savior hard enough, or such horrors would not be visited upon the righteous. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/7 "2006-12-30T02:57:53Z")
[QUOTE=Ice Wolf] I’m sorry – foreigner here. Is this meant to be a spoof, and if so, what of? 😕 [/QUOTE] Merely a somewhat incoherent ramble on the significance of America’s official motto, and how it might be altered or otherwise improved to better reflect the national _zeitgeist_. Any suggestions? Out of curiosity, does Australia have a state motto? If so, is it stupid? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/8 "2006-12-30T02:59:28Z")
[QUOTE=Starving Artist] America…of course. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] The United States new stupid motto should be “America” or “America. . . of course”? I’d vote for ""America. . . Of Course! but it’s gotta have the capitalization and exclamation point or it’s no go. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/9 "2006-12-30T03:00:38Z")
_“Trust us; we know what we’re doing.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/10 "2006-12-30T03:00:42Z")
[QUOTE=Starving Artist] America…of course. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Strikes me as a spoof of Americans, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/11 "2006-12-30T03:01:03Z")
[QUOTE=Starving Artist] America…of course. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Not at all, just a very nicely tuned attack on our motto. Of course, we had to do all we could to defend ourselves from the godless commies back then. We added God to the Pledge, McCarthy was a hero, and the Cincinnati Reds pretended that their name had always been the Redlegs. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/12 "2006-12-30T03:02:32Z")
[QUOTE=Terrifel] Merely a somewhat incoherent ramble on the significance of America’s official motto, and how it might be altered or otherwise improved to better reflect the national _zeitgeist_. Any suggestions? Out of curiosity, does Australia have a state motto? If so, is it stupid? [/QUOTE] Yup, it’s It’s just not fair, But I don’t care, As long as we beat New Zealand ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/13 "2006-12-30T03:04:07Z")
[QUOTE=Mister Goofy] Out of curiosity, does Australia have a state motto? If so, is it stupid? [/QUOTE] –by which I meant, of course, “is it as stupid as typing Australia in place of New Zealand?” Sorry about that; there’s no excuse for confusing the Lord of the Rings with Crocodile Dundee. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/14 "2006-12-30T03:09:24Z")
It’s all cool, guys. I just read the OP, thought “Bloody hell, that’s clever!” – but most political satire (yes, **Pullet** , we do have that down here, so I know what it is) is about a specific subject, not something general like “America.” Begging all pardons – I was just curious, and seeking, as I do, further enlightenment into the ways of your culture. Have done since the early _good_ MAD magazines. Oh, and **Idlewild**? Nice one! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/15 "2006-12-30T03:11:37Z")
How about “Staying the course” or “Not a success…yet”? ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/16 "2006-12-30T03:16:23Z")
How 'bout _God is our co-pilot_? ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/17 "2006-12-30T03:36:37Z")
I think the South Park guys nailed it: “America - Fuck Yeah!” Simple, direct and to the point. You don’t have to understand it, because there’s nothing to understand. “America - Fuck Yeah!” Only a Commie could be against that. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/18 "2006-12-30T03:44:02Z")
[BOHICA!!!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohica) ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/19 "2006-12-30T03:52:21Z")
[QUOTE=Ice Wolf] It’s all cool, guys. I just read the OP, thought “Bloody hell, that’s clever!” – but most political satire (yes, **Pullet** , we do have that down here, so I know what it is) is about a specific subject, not something general like “America.” Begging all pardons – I was just curious, and seeking, as I do, further enlightenment into the ways of your culture. Have done since the early _good_ MAD magazines. Oh, and **Idlewild**? Nice one! 😃 [/QUOTE] Fine. Just shot my high horse, why don’t you? 😉 Second vote for “America… Fuck Yeah!” ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065/20 "2006-12-30T03:59:55Z")
[QUOTE=Ice Wolf] I’m sorry – foreigner here. Is this meant to be a spoof, and if so, what of? 😕 [/QUOTE] What it is, is an absolutely hilarious and well-written mockery of the right-wing, conservative outlook on things as they stand today, while also criticizing the fact that we went from the tasteful aphorism “e pluribus unum” to adding “in God we trust” on our money (and shoe-horned a reference to God into our pledge of allegiance), _despite actively promoting the idea that the original colonies were founded primarily to escape government enforced religion_, as a paranoid reaction to _godless communists_. Well done, **Terrifel**. Bravo! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fifty-years-later-does-america-need-a-stupider-motto/386065.md?page=2)