# Fight thread - grizzly bear v alien **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 14, 2017, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807 "2017-02-14T07:57:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![scoots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@scoots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scoots)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/1 "2017-02-14T07:57:50Z")
700 lbs of lean muscle and sharp teeth vs an amorphous blob. Deprived of its advanced technology, I don’t see how the alien can win this. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/2 "2017-02-14T13:18:46Z")
> [@scoots](#): > > 700 lbs of lean muscle and sharp teeth vs an amorphous blob. Deprived of its advanced technology, I don’t see how the alien can win this. It depends what the amorphous blob can do. If it was an all-dissolving acidic blob, like the one from the many “Blob” movies, then the bear is a goner. If the amorphous blob is a shape-shifting body-absorbing blob like the thing from John W. Capbell’s “Who Goes There?” and John Carpenter’s _The Thing_, then the bear has no chance. But if it’s like a Dalek without its metal exoskeleton, it has as much chance as the Martian ripped out of its tripod by Mr. Hyde in the second volume\* of _The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_. “Welcome to Earth!”, echoing Will Smith in _Independence Day_. Chomp! Chomp!) \*Not the second _issue_. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/3 "2017-02-14T13:51:47Z")
> [@scoots](#): > > 700 lbs of lean muscle and sharp teeth vs an amorphous blob. Deprived of its advanced technology, I don’t see how the alien can win this. Clearly you don’t know anyone from Phoenixville PA. My money is on the Blob against the bear. Now against a dedicated biker --------- ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/4 "2017-02-14T14:41:25Z")
> [@scoots](#): > > 700 lbs of lean muscle and sharp teeth vs an amorphous blob. Deprived of its advanced technology, I don’t see how the alien can win this. Well, if the blob is named Sergeant Schlock, the bear is probably lunch… [Schlock Mercenary - Monday 13 Sep 2004](https://www.schlockmercenary.com/2004-09-13) ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/5 "2017-02-14T16:28:52Z")
If the blob happens to be named _Caltiki_, the bear ain’t got a chance. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/6 "2017-02-14T16:34:14Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > It depends what the amorphous blob can do. > > If it was an all-dissolving acidic blob, like the one from the many “Blob” movies, then the bear is a goner. > > If the amorphous blob is a shape-shifting body-absorbing blob like the thing from John W. Capbell’s “Who Goes There?” and John Carpenter’s _The Thing_, then the bear has no chance. > > But if it’s like a Dalek without its metal exoskeleton, it has as much chance as the Martian ripped out of its tripod by Mr. Hyde in the second volume\* of _The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_. “Welcome to Earth!”, echoing Will Smith in _Independence Day_. Chomp! Chomp!) > > \*Not the second _issue_. Yeah, the first time I read the OP, I was thinking that we know a lot about bears and not much about this alien fellow. Is it covered in nematocysts? If so, it’s got a fighting chance. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/7 "2017-02-14T18:45:24Z")
I like this converted Dalek joke: An invading Dalek is prowling along a lonely country road on Earth at night, looking for information since it has never encountered a human before. It spots a closed gas station by the side of the road, and glides up to a gas pump. “Human!” it commands in its grating chattery voice, “Where-are-all-your-fellow-humans?” The gas pump does not respond. “You-are-a-prisoner-of-the-Daleks! Where-are-all-the-other-humans? Answer! Answer!” the Dalek demands. The gas pump just stands there. “Answer-or-you-will-be-exterminated!” the Dalek shrieks, brandishing its gunstick with menace. Still, the gas pump doesn’t answer. “Exterminate! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!!” With that, the Dalek blasts the gas pump which explodes into flames which billow up into the sky, destroying the gas station. The Dalek is blown back a bit, but trundles away unhurt, back to the road where another Dalek is approaching. The other Dalek focuses its eyestalk on the escaping Dalek and raps out “REPORT?” The escaping Dalek stops with the fire reflecting off its metal casing, and rasps out, “The-Earth-prisoner-would-not-give-information. He-just-stood-there-with-his-dick-in-his-ear.” :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![scoots](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@scoots](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scoots)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/8 "2017-02-18T23:51:17Z")
Despite the fact that vey few people responded to it, I think that this is the greatest thread topic there has ever been on straight dope. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/9 "2017-02-19T00:03:52Z")
> [@scoots](#): > > Despite the fact that vey few people responded to it, I think that this is the greatest thread topic there has ever been on straight dope. It certainly is a relief from all the \ threads. Ok, so bear v The Blob = Blob easy win. Wouldn’t even notice the bear. Bear v The Stuff = same deal. Bear v Predator = easy victory for Predator from afar with his blaster thing. If forced into hand to hand, could go either way. Bear v Alien (from Alien, Aliens etc) = draw. Both die. Bear kills alien then gets dissolved by the blood. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2017, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/10 "2017-02-19T00:34:59Z")
The alien from Alien has some pretty nasty body weaponry. Okay, they both die, but the bear gets slashed up pretty badly (and then gets sizzled by the acid.) Cute scene in Judge Dredd vs. Alien: Judge Someone-or-Other: “Hi Ex!” Judge Dredd: “Noooo!” ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2017, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fight-thread-grizzly-bear-v-alien/779807/11 "2017-02-20T12:11:24Z")
Assuming an amorphous blob alien like [this](http://data.whicdn.com/images/3972162/original.jpg) one or [this](http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/8/87/Giant_Smooze_approaches_other_Gala_ponies_S5E7.png/revision/latest?cb=20150518225701) one, all the alien would have to do is surround the bear’s head and suffocate it. It would be a mismatched fight, like Wolverine verses a T-1000.