# Fightin' Mad Action Jesus! With Kung-Fu Grip!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 14, 2001, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308 "2001-11-14T14:09:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/1 "2001-11-14T14:09:12Z")
Well, not [really](http://www.trainupachild.com/cgi-bin/shopnow.cgi?ACTION=thispage&thispage=orig-figures.html&ORDER_ID=205390075). But the idea of having a Jeusus action figure just seems weird. I keep picturing me as a kid having a war where TRON and CLU team up with G.I. Joe and the Micronauts to fight the forces of C.O.B.R.A. and the evil giant Barbie-woman (swiped from my cousin), and to save the day comes Fightin’ Mad Action-Jesus shows up, and boy is he _pissed_! I woulda had Fightin’ Mad Action-Jesus fling loaves and fishes at the evil forces of C.O.B.R.A. And then, when they get into their motorboat to escape, he’ll run across the water as I’d make Bionic-Man sounds (dadadadadadada). When he caught them, he’d use his patented Tear Down The Moneylender’s Stall Grip to tear apart their boat and as the evil forces of C.O.B.R.A. drowned, he’d condem them to hell! Then, they’d all get back into their lightcycles and go back to Tron’s world where they could play on the Game-Grid. Oh, and Amazon Eve: Warrior Princess would kick Barbie’s Primp’n’pretty ass! Somehow, turning your savior, the Messiah, into an action-figure lacks a certain…dignity. Also available in the multi-racial [ethnic](http://www.trainupachild.com/cgi-bin/shopnow.cgi?ACTION=thispage&thispage=new-figures.html&ORDER_ID=205390075) pack. (Outside of the basic weirdness of the entire concept, I’ve got no problem with the multi-racial ethnic pack. Frankly most of the characters look better than they do in the “Pasty-white and funkless” set. It’s just the weirdness of the whole idea) Fenris And lookit the website name “ **Train** up a child”?! You _train_ dogs, you _raise_ children. And what is the word “up” doing there? You don’t train something “up”. (I know that it comes from Proverbs, but I’ve always heard it translated as “Raise”) ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/2 "2001-11-14T14:19:22Z")
“Jesus wept.” Oh, the possibilities of the mix and match action figures. Mary and GI Joe (Duke, I suppose) fighting it out against Darth Vader and Boba Fett. I can just see, though, some fundie parent seeing their kid doing that kind of thing…“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Thank you for _not_ being fundie, mom & dad. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/3 "2001-11-14T14:21:22Z")
Those were just _one_ of the extra-special religious goodies to be found through [Ship of Fools’ Gadgets for God](http://ship-of-fools.com/Gadgets/index.html) pages. If you think a Jesus action figure is weird, try browsing through this collection of theological tat. (Keep something soft under your chin, though, because your jaw _will_ drop at some of them.) A personal favourite of mine can be found in the “Devotional” section, under “His land is your land”. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/4 "2001-11-14T14:23:39Z")
Heh-heh. I can see it now. "Why bother with one of those action figures that relies purely on mind-numbing but entertaining violence? Now you can have to Lord on your side. See: Jesus converting the enemies (optional sword to ploughshare transforming accessory not included). See: The Army of Righteousness™ kick some serious heathen butt, after all, who can defeat an army when the leader can bring soldiers back from the dead. See: Jesus bitch slap all the Fanatical Fundies™ (sold seperately) while screaming “Stop Misquoting Me!” into their faces. I think these would make a great gift when combined with the **[Sport Jesus](http://www.brunching.com/features/sportjesus.html)** statues (my favorite: “Taunting the short kids”). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/5 "2001-11-14T14:26:59Z")
> [@](#): > > “Jesus wept.” And then He went to the bathroom. “And Jesus wiped.” ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/6 "2001-11-14T14:50:19Z")
I can just see Jesus coming with a clear plastic stand that would convert him into a water toy. “Mom! Bobby made Jesus walk across the fish bowl!” (That’s _fish_ bowl.) -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/7 "2001-11-14T15:03:09Z")
Oh my. Just imagine the possibilites: - Jesus and Moses gettin’ jiggy with Barbie down at the Dream House. - Mary hanging out a little too frequently with Buzz Lightyear. - Angels smiting little plastic dinosaurs. - Blowing up Goliath with firecrackers because rocks just weren’t exciting enough. - Job facing the new tribulation of being gnawed on by the Puddles the friendly Rottweiler. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/8 "2001-11-14T15:05:34Z")
Don’t need any of that when you can get your very own [Buddy Christ](http://store.yahoo.com/jsbstash/budchrisdass1.html). He’s much more fun anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/9 "2001-11-14T15:17:37Z")
I really dig that Job figure with Dynamic Festering Action™! Fun Fester Slime™ sold seperatly. From Wham-O! ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/10 "2001-11-14T15:17:38Z")
Hey kids! When playing with your Biblical Action Figures, don’t forget to wear [these!](http://www.shoesofthefisherman.com/default.htm) “Wearing a Christian message reinforces goodness and has the potential to save lives and save souls.” (but apparently, not _soles_.) :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/11 "2001-11-14T15:21:33Z")
I guess you have send in proof-of-purchase tags to get the Joseph figure. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/12 "2001-11-14T15:33:43Z")
Oh Lord. [I’m Speechless!](http://lordco.virtualave.net/enter/gijesus/) ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/13 "2001-11-14T15:38:37Z")
I am so going to hell. I think I found my new favorite site (see my previous post). 101 Uses for a Dead Messiah: #1 - [Tent Pegs](http://lordco.virtualave.net/content/101/001.html) ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/14 "2001-11-14T15:44:26Z")
Well, a Jesus action figure _is_ better than a Baby Jesus Butt plug (and no, I’m not going to link to it, but it is one of the funniest things I’ve even seen 😃 ). ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/15 "2001-11-14T15:46:04Z")
Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, MY [Jesus action figure](http://www.mcphee.com/bigindex/current/10746.html) has wheels for “smooth gliding action!” ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/16 "2001-11-14T15:46:37Z")
Don’t you think Adam and Eve look a little…how to put this…_overdressed_? Especially Eve. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/17 "2001-11-14T16:50:59Z")
Of course, if you prefer Latter-Day Saints, you could get [these](http://www.ldsdirect.com/bookofmoracf.html). I’ll bet these things sell like hotcakes during the Olympics. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/18 "2001-11-14T17:19:26Z")
Well in these days and times there’s not much sacred left anyway. It doesn’t surprise me to see these kinds of things offered up for sale, especially to kids. Not really much to say about it, if you say you don’t approve of it then you get the boot in the behind because you ‘need to lighten’ up some. After all it’s just all in fun. But ya know, still makes my heart aches a little that there’s just not something in the world that we don’t make fun of and have a little respect for, whether or not it’s something we personally believe in or not. ---
**Author:** ![Valkyrie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Valkyrie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valkyrie)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/19 "2001-11-14T19:44:29Z")
\ Listen, is creating “action figures” representing sacred figures of the Christian faith for children to play with in any way dignified or noble? These products are embarassing in the extreme and are subject to any and all expressions of irony and disgust. Now, if you want a really dignified, cool and respectable Jesus you need to go to [http://www.viewaskew.com](http://www.viewaskew.com) and check out the “Buddy Jesus”! I have him on my bedside table with a picture of a stained glass window behind him and he’s holding an orange paper parasol from one of those fancy drinks. I’m not even christian but he gives me a warm fuzzy whenever I see him! (Thanks to Olentzero the Swedish Love God!) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308/20 "2001-11-14T20:27:39Z")
Well, hey, at the [Jesus Christ Superstore](http://www.jesuschristsuperstore.net/) one can get [this figure](http://www.jesuschristsuperstore.net/lfigurespages/lfjesus.html) (“the father, the son, and the bad motherf…”), which includes Ninja-Messiah throwing nails and a Death Killer-Cross pump action over-under shotgun. One can also get God Almighty, The Pope, The Chief Rabbi, Buddha, The Dalai Lama, Allah, The Ayatollah, and Islamic Jihad. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fightin-mad-action-jesus-with-kung-fu-grip/93308.md?page=2)