# Finally. Katie Holmes has given birth **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 18, 2006, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227 "2006-04-18T23:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![the\_only\_bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b2d939/32.png) [@the\_only\_bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_only_bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/61 "2006-04-20T00:31:24Z")
> [@cruel butterfly](#): > > I thought it was like this (I could be wrong): > > The mother can respond to the pain of childbirth in ways ranging from moaning to screaming, but she is discouraged from using profanity even while enduring the most intense contractions and the birth itself. I just read (US magazine) that words can affect the baby/child. bad words have a bad effect, which is why some are raised in Scientology schools, where no one says “bad boy” but “your actions were wrong”. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/62 "2006-04-20T00:36:50Z")
You’d name a girl Xena. Everyone knows that. Besides, Xenu is the bad guy. A Christian would never name thier kid Satan, or Beelzebub. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/63 "2006-04-20T02:55:06Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > $cienos would never name a child Xenu, since he’s their arch-enemy. It would be like devout Christians naming their child Satan, it would never happen, not even in an effort to “take back the name” because the name of Xenu has only ever existed in one context, something L. Ron Hubbard made up when he came up with the story of Xenu, who, being an intergalactic warlord of sorts who hated overpopulation, gathered up all the lowlifes and criminals, brought them to earth, stuffed them into volcanos, exploded them using H-Bombs, whereupon the souls of all those lowlifes shot out of the volcanos, and now hang in the atmosphere around the entire earth, and, called body thetans, rain down on earth like a fine mist, covering everyone who’s born, and cause all the bad things that happen in the world, and of course, the only way to get rid of them is to use $cientology “auditing” sessions and taking $cientology courses, which cost a lot of money, but even if you get rid of your own, there are all those past lives of yours, all of which have body thetans of their own which you must pay to get rid of, and despite the bundles of money that Xenu is responsible for bringing into $cientology, they’re supposed to hate him because, oooh, he’s a bad guy. > > Good luck to the beach ball. Poor thing. All hail Xenu. > > Vickie (sorry, on comma overload) Sorry, I always run the other way when the Scientologists come around. I only knew the name was associated with them. I thought he was their prophet or something. Anyway, to he stuffed people in volcanos and then blew them up with H-bombs? Wasn’t that overkill? > [@JSexton](#): > > _Originally Posted by Wile E > She’s the Suri with the lunatic fringe as her pop!_ > > Great, I’m going to be humming that all day. > > How long did that take you? It hit me as I was drifting off to sleep last night. In order to remember it when I woke up I had to sing it over and over to myself. If I hear one more reported refer to the spawn as their “TomKitten” I will not be held responsible for my actions. There is a special circle of hell reserved for those who come up with names like “TomKat”, “Brangelina” and “Bennifer”. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/64 "2006-04-20T02:57:23Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > If I hear one more reported refer to the spawn as their “TomKitten” I will not be held responsible for my actions. I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way. We’ll band together and cleanse the world of its evils. > [@](#): > > There is a special circle of hell reserved for those who come up with names like “TomKat”, “Brangelina” and “Bennifer”. But not Filliam H. Muffman! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/65 "2006-04-20T03:19:15Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > Sorry, I always run the other way when the Scientologists come around. I only knew the name was associated with them. I thought he was their prophet or something. Anyway, to he stuffed people in volcanos and then blew them up with H-bombs? Wasn’t that overkill? Xenu was always the odd one in the family. As an intergalactic warlord he wasn’t exactly a role model. He’d have a few too many drinks and go through violent mood swings. He admitted to being drunk when he pulled that kidnapping/volcano stunt. So he screwed up, and yeah, if he hadn’t used the H-Bombs that whole body thetan business wouldn’t have gotten started, and $cientologists would have nothing to audit away or charge so much for. So $cienos and non-$cienos alike have reason to hate the bastard. Me, my nickname plenty of elsewheres is “Xenu’s Sister,” so I have to defend him, even though he’s a putz. $cientologists (those who have paid enough money to know about him, anyway) hate him, so he can’t be all bad. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/66 "2006-04-20T03:24:34Z")
The story of Xenu in Post #60 is true (well, that’s what $cienos believe anyway). The story of Xenu in Post #65 is not true, to the best of my knowledge. That a Google ad is saying “Vishy Vaginal Odor” as I’m typing this is absolutely true. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/67 "2006-04-20T03:27:38Z")
Not absolutely true, but it would be had I spelled it correctly. _slaps forehead_ Fishy, not Vishy. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/68 "2006-04-20T03:28:10Z")
I see it too now. Yick. What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/69 "2006-04-20T03:42:07Z")
Oh Marley, I’m so glad you saw it too…now the ads are about innocuous baby things. I think they’re trying to drive us crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/70 "2006-04-20T03:44:25Z")
Perhaps Google knows something about Katie that we don’t know? ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/71 "2006-04-20T03:45:52Z")
Ewwwww. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/72 "2006-04-20T03:48:01Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Oh Marley, I’m so glad you saw it too…now the ads are about innocuous baby things. I think they’re trying to drive us crazy. I blame Xenu. He smells fishy, right? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/73 "2006-04-20T03:53:02Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I blame Xenu. He smells fishy, right? Yeah, I’d say the whole Xenu, body thetans, Scientology thing is pretty fishy. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/74 "2006-04-20T06:59:17Z")
Do you people have no humanity? This man and woman have a child together. Is there no decency? He tries to find creed, and you stone him and his innocents. ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/75 "2006-04-20T08:09:58Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Do you people have no humanity? This man and woman have a child together. Is there no decency? He tries to find creed, and you stone him and his innocents. Yeah, they have a child together – but whose child? I think that’s the _real_ question. 😉 What’s wrong with a little poking at more-than-slightly-crazed celebrities? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/76 "2006-04-20T12:44:57Z")
Things Suri Cruise has to look forward to in her life (from yesterday’s New York Post): 1. Being taller than her father when she is 7 years old. 2. Jumping up and down on “Auntie Oprah’s” couch on playdates. 3. The premiere of Mission Impossible 16 4. Never ever being allowed to watch South Park 5. Being eyed hungrily at Scientology Meetings by Kirstie Allen. 6. The glorious day when our L. Ron Hubbard Overlords descend to earth in their spaceships and free us of our earthly bodies ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/77 "2006-04-20T12:46:16Z")
> [@cactus waltz](#): > > I suppose that technically he’s their guardian. “First-time biological father” isn’t catchy with the press. and the biological part is still in question. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/78 "2006-04-20T15:40:35Z")
Why is it in question? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/79 "2006-04-20T16:16:11Z")
> [@Walloon](#): > > Why is it in question? Cruise has been dogged by rumours of being so far back in the closet he can see Narnia since… well, forever. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227/80 "2006-04-20T16:20:50Z")
> [@JPen](#): > > Suri, eh? > > Well, thats at least sort of normal. I was expecting something along the lines of Elroni or something. Take the C and the E off of Cruise, rearrange the rest, and see what you get. That’s normal, all right. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finally-katie-holmes-has-given-birth/353227.md?page=5)