# find 50 ways to leave your lover. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 28, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489 "2008-08-28T00:02:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/1 "2008-08-28T00:02:50Z")
Paul Simon said there were 50 ways to leave your lover, but only listed 5 of them. [some people](http://www.galactanet.com/comic/view.php?strip=486) have complained about that. The five given are: 1. You just slip out the back, Jack. 2. Make a new plan, Stan. 3. You don’t need to be coy, Roy, Just get yourself free. 4. Hop on the bus, Gus. (You don’t need to discuss much) 5. Just drop off the key, Lee. And get yourself free. We need another 45 so: 1. Just get up and go, Joe 2. You gotta be brave, Dave 3. It’s easy to leave, Steve, just set yourself free. 4. Just get on the train, Duane, don’t stop to explain. 5. Just make yourself gone, Ron, set yourself free. any others? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/2 "2008-08-28T00:09:02Z")
Kill her, Miller. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/3 "2008-08-28T00:10:31Z")
Seal him in a barrel, Pharrel. Put him on a spike, Spike. Shoot him in the head, Fred. Stick him in a hole, Cole. Burn him up alive, Clive. Crush him with a safe, Ralph. Garrot him with a wire, Squire. Acid in the face, Ace. Punch him in the neck, Heck. Bury him in lye, Sy. Throw him in the bay, Ray. Glass in the soup, Coop. Behead him on a bus, Gus. Set yourself free. ---
**Author:** ![Carson\_O\_Genic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Carson\_O\_Genic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carson_O_Genic)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/4 "2008-08-28T00:22:24Z")
Brick’er behind a wall, Paul. (Drink amontillado while doing it) ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/5 "2008-08-28T00:23:42Z")
You got to keep rollin’, Nolan. Follow your whim, Tim. It don’t require arson , Carson, Just get yourself free. Know when to depart, Bart. (You can ride the [BART](http://www.bart.gov/) to start) Time’s come to skate, Nate. And get yourself free. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/6 "2008-08-28T00:35:36Z")
Take the next ferry, Jerry. Slip out on a cart, Bart. Chug down some freon, Leon. Book the next flight, Dwight. Take a cyanide pill, Phil. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/7 "2008-08-28T00:45:46Z")
Send her to Gitmo, Joe. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/8 "2008-08-28T00:48:16Z")
Just run down the lane, Lane ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/9 "2008-08-28T00:52:02Z")
Hop on yer bike, Mike ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/10 "2008-08-28T00:55:15Z")
Just lose him, Susan; Can him, Anna; Bean him, Gina; And floor it, Flora, as you drive away. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/11 "2008-08-28T01:02:30Z")
Get on a jet, Rhett Get in the truck, Chuck Run far away, Ray, just get yourself free Board a big ship, Rip (you’ll have a nice trip) Take a Greyhound Bus, Russ Just take a long drive, Clive, and set yourself free. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/12 "2008-08-28T01:10:48Z")
Go join a men’s chorus, **Peter Morris** Just walk out and jilt her, **ultrafilter** You’d best be dismissin’ her, **lissener** Claim your love was inauthentic, **Carson O’Genic** Lock her in a burning windmill, **bienville** Escape in a balloon, **Kalhoun** Use trained attack woodpeckers, **Bryan Ekers** Engage in ritual combat, **runner pat** Make an insanity plea, **MikeG** Move out to the sticks, **j666** Use a tactical nuke, **TWDuke** ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/13 "2008-08-28T02:06:51Z")
Use C4, Seymour. Blow her up real well, Nell. Flush her down the drain, Jane Run her though with a pike, Mike. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/14 "2008-08-28T02:13:16Z")
Wait, are you sure it’s not “fifty ways to love your lever?” ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/15 "2008-08-28T02:14:12Z")
Then forget her, Lendervedder. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/16 "2008-08-28T02:25:11Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] Wait, are you sure it’s not “fifty ways to love your lever?” [/QUOTE] I’ve been investigating the Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/17 "2008-08-28T02:28:59Z")
Hang from a rope, Dope Fall on your sword, Cord Swallow some pills, Wills Jump off a bridge, Ridge Breathe some exhaust in, Austin Make like you fly, Ty Open a vein, Lane Jump under a bus, Russ Fight with a bear, Adair Kiss a viper, um, Kuyper Swim out to sea, Lee Have unsafe sex, Rex OD on horse, Norse Snort too much Coke, Jamoak Fall through a crack, Mac Fall off a cliff, Griff Headbutt a train, Rane Swim with a shark, Mark Set yourself free. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/18 "2008-08-28T02:39:24Z")
I believe the line is _there must be_ 50 ways, so it’s kind of a speculative number… having said that, we probably should just sleep on it tonight ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/19 "2008-08-28T02:56:22Z")
[QUOTE=outlierrn] I believe the line is _there must be_ 50 ways, so it’s kind of a speculative number… having said that, we probably should just sleep on it tonight [/QUOTE] 😉 What does it say about Dopers that so many of us can’t think of a way to end a relationship that doesn’t involve murder??? After all, none of the suggestions in the original song suggest poppin’ a cap in the bitch . . ., (Mitch). ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/20 "2008-08-28T02:59:35Z")
Slip her an inside one, Posiedon. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489.md?page=2)