# find 50 ways to leave your lover. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 28, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489 "2008-08-28T00:02:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/21 "2008-08-28T03:01:03Z")
[QUOTE=Terrifel] Go join a men’s chorus, **Peter Morris** [/QUOTE] Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/22 "2008-08-28T03:05:37Z")
[QUOTE=bienville] 😉 What does it say about Dopers that so many of us can’t think of a way to end a relationship that doesn’t involve murder??? After all, none of the suggestions in the original song suggest poppin’ a cap in the bitch . . ., (Mitch). [/QUOTE] To be fair, most of **lissener’s** involve suicide, not murder. ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/23 "2008-08-28T03:06:13Z")
Sit down and gently explain that you are in love with the idea of her, but not in love with her, and that she deserves someone who can really appreciate her as a whole person, and not just an ideal, Jaleel. ---
**Author:** ![rikc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c57346/32.png) [@rikc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rikc)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/24 "2008-08-28T03:10:40Z")
dump her, thumper ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/25 "2008-08-28T03:12:44Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] Wait, are you sure it’s not “fifty ways to love your lever?” [/QUOTE] Nah, that’s 2000 ways. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/26 "2008-08-28T03:14:41Z")
[QUOTE=Randy Seltzer] Sit down and gently explain that you are in love with the idea of her, but not in love with her, and that she deserves someone who can really appreciate her as a whole person, and not just an ideal, Jaleel. [/QUOTE] Ha. Say, “It’s me, not you,” Drew ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/27 "2008-08-28T03:18:18Z")
Can’t stand how you chew, Stew Don’t let the door hit your ass, Lass Tell your folks I said Hi, Skye We’ve both grown apart, Art Going out for a cig, Stig We should see other guys, Is . . . . aac and Wish I knew how to quit you, Jack ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/28 "2008-08-28T03:31:46Z")
Tell her you’re gay, Ray ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/29 "2008-08-28T03:47:00Z")
Cornhole her with a cob, Bob. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/30 "2008-08-28T04:05:26Z")
Spell it in neon, Deion! Look her in the eye and kneel, Shaquille! Run away in the rain, Usain! Let the ho be, Kobe! (Sorry) Whack her in the jaw, D’Brickashaw! (Sorry again) ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/31 "2008-08-28T05:02:08Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] Tell her you’re gay, Ray [/QUOTE] From a long-ago _Harvard Lampoon_ parody of _The Book of Lists_: TOP 6 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER: 1. Slip out the back, Jack 2. Make a new plan, Stan 3. Don’t need to be coy, Roy 4. Hop on the bus, Gus 5. Drop off the key, Lee 6. Go marry a homo, Shlomo ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/32 "2008-08-28T05:21:24Z")
_**“‘Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred, Tan me hide when I’m dead.’ So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde, And that’s him there on the shed…”**_ [Linky](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tie_Me_Kangaroo_Down,_Sport) ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/33 "2008-08-28T06:40:14Z")
Slip out the black… jack. Seriously, Just slip them juice, **Bruce**.\* [sup]\*This one is for you, Ally[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/34 "2008-08-28T07:11:00Z")
Take her to a nice restaurant in hopes she won’t make a scene and try to sugarcoat the reasons for the breakup including saying “it’s not you, it’s _me_” and try to explain in general terms that you’re unhappy without going into excessive detail because what you want most is a clean break with a minimum of regrets and second thoughts, Joss. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2008, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/35 "2008-08-28T23:16:37Z")
We need to talk, Rock. You’re a really nice girl, Pearl. I don’t know how to say this, Mavis. We’ll always have Paris, Ferris. With this shiny new blade, Sinead. In the trunk of my car, Omar. Held down in a tub, Bub. Thrown into a quarry, Morrie. Pushed out of a plane, Elaine. Dragged behind my truck, Chuck. Broken glass in your Wheaties, Petey. Left for dead by the road, Joad. Burned up in your bed, Jed. Incised ear to ear, my dear. Scalped and left in the sun, Hon. Tied up on the trax, Dax. In a terrorist attack, Jack. In the showers in jail, Gayle. In my crawlspace at night, Dwight. Just swallow this pill, Jill. Inhalation of smoke, Polk. Alone at night in the zoo, Prue. Slipped away in your dreams, Eames. Suicide by police, Reese. Face down in a ditch, Mitch. Hand him over to Manson, Branson. Wrap him up in a shroud, McCloud. Subway car full of Serin, Darren. Anthrax in a box, Knox. Tied up in the cellar, Teller. Don’t salmonella blow, Joe? Ebola’s a drink, Pink. Lightning struck in a storm, Norm. Washed overboard by a wave, Dave. Torn to shreds by a mob, Bob. Back away from the brink, Linc. Don’t go in that room, Hume. So much for the chemo, Nemo. No Heimlich for you, Stew. Mix ammonia and bleach, Teach. I swear this won’t hurt, Kurt. No, that’s not a bomb, Tom. Want a ride in my van, Dan? Don’t your trust me at all, Paul? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2008, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/36 "2008-08-29T00:15:43Z")
Come home smelling like Gin, Vin Go to the stripclub, Bub Bang her sister, Mister Or even her mom, Tom Give her a smack, Black Just be all uncommunicative and aloof and eventually she’ll break up with you , Lou Tell her “Bitch! I’m watchin’ TV”, Lee (and set yourself free) ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/37 "2008-08-29T02:29:14Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] Take her to a nice restaurant in hopes she won’t make a scene and try to sugarcoat the reasons for the breakup including saying “it’s not you, it’s _me_” and try to explain in general terms that you’re unhappy without going into excessive detail because what you want most is a clean break with a minimum of regrets and second thoughts, Joss. [/QUOTE] ::mops from my keyboard the beverage that just shot out my nose:: ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2008, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/38 "2008-08-29T02:48:05Z")
[QUOTE=Randy Seltzer] Sit down and gently explain that you are in love with the idea of her, but not in love with her, and that she deserves someone who can really appreciate her as a whole person, and not just an ideal, Jaleel. [/QUOTE] I’m having trouble getting that one to scan … But points for a two syllable name in the rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/39 "2008-08-29T02:58:29Z")
Just fuck her sister, mister. Or you could nail her mother, brother. Plow her best friend, Ken. D. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2008, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489/40 "2008-09-03T06:35:25Z")
Pork the babysitter, Senator Vitter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/find-50-ways-to-leave-your-lover/461489.md?page=3)