# Finding my adult daughter- could I be responsible for back child support? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2011, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308 "2011-11-18T04:19:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fubaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@Fubaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fubaya)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/21 "2011-11-18T16:30:28Z")
Don’t forget that he could talk away, but actually wants to meet her instead, so if we’re going to judge, he’s wanting to do the right thing. The prospect of having to pay $100,000 for 18 years of support for a situation that he was apparently unaware of is certainly a valid concern. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/22 "2011-11-18T16:31:28Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > That just means there’s only one question on which he wants the internet’s advice. . . . I rest my case. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/23 "2011-11-18T16:34:55Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Where in the thread title is there any other concern? For that matter, where in the OP is there any other question asked of this Board? Sweet mother of pearl. If I’m getting a haircut and in making small talk mention to the barber that I was diagnosed with cancer, should his response be “you’ve got cancer and your biggest concern is getting a haircut?” ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/24 "2011-11-18T17:15:11Z")
Stop bashing the OP! He specifically said he’s not going to rush in unannounced. > [@MuleSkinner](#): > > I’m thinking about contacting the mother and asking her if the daughter knows about me and if she wants to meet me. If the mother wants me to just leave her alone, I will comply with those wishes. But if my daughter wants to meet me, I would like to be in her life. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/25 "2011-11-18T17:38:17Z")
Having re-read the OP, my suggestion is this. Write a letter to the daughter. She is 20 years old. You might contact the mom just to find out if daughter knows about you. If she doesn’t, that changes your letter. If she does, then you tell her what you told us: “If you want, I would like to be in your life. If you don’t, that’s cool, I understand.” She’s still an adult and gets to decide for herself. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/26 "2011-11-18T17:45:51Z")
I’m also really curious (okay, I’m nosey) to know how the OP “found out” he’s the biological father when neither the girl nor her father-in-fact knows and also the OP hasn’t yet contacted the mother. So who told him? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/27 "2011-11-18T18:20:55Z")
Since this involves a potential legal matter, it is better suited for IMHO than GQ. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/28 "2011-11-18T19:07:37Z")
If you are her bio-Dad, I would make sure you were not the one to tell her/approach her. Her mother should have told her when she was old enough to understand. I would talk to the mother and see if she has any plans to tell her. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/29 "2011-11-18T22:10:08Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > Stop bashing the OP! He specifically said he’s not going to rush in unannounced. Amen. Apparently people cannot read. He already said that he will contact the mother first and find out if the girl is even aware of the possibility, or if it would drop a giant bombshell in their lives. I think it is fair to ask a question that you don’t know the answer to. Geez, not everybody has much experience with child support and whatnot. There has been just enough publicity in the news about strange child support results to make a guy wonder what his liabilities just might be. The advice about talking to a local family law attorney is appropriate, though many people like to get free advice from random strangers rather than look up an attorney and then possibly have to pay for it. Same way with medical issues. Or car repairs. Or porn. ---
**Author:** ![Jelly\_Roll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Jelly\_Roll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelly_Roll)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/30 "2011-11-18T22:19:08Z")
IANAL, but I am a paralegal in Tennessee. Which means I am in no way qualified to answer this question. But… One of our attorneys has just taken a case where a man was recently contacted by an old girlfriend who told him he’s the father of her 17 year old son. A subsequent DNA test confirmed her claim. She is now taking our client to court and suing for 17 years worth of child support and the law is on her side. The local child support office has already contacted our client to inform him that should an Order be signed, he will owe $40,000+ dollars and they will begin garnishing his wages and collecting any tax return he may receive. Incidentally, that figure seems low and may adjust as this case moves forward. Several years ago we had another case where a mother informed a man that her 11 year old daughter was his, and she successfully sued him for 11 years worth of back child support (which amounted to ~$80,000), plus he obviously had to begin making support payments from then until the girl was 18. In Tennessee, once the child reaches the age of 18, the child must be the one who files the lawsuit against their parent for back child support; it’s not that common, but it’s not unheard of either. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/31 "2011-11-18T22:31:35Z")
I think the OP would be better off turning his question into a youtube video and following the advice in the comments section. It would be higher quality advice than the first 30 posts in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/32 "2011-11-19T02:36:35Z")
_ahem_ ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/33 "2011-11-19T02:50:38Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > I rest my case. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/34 "2011-11-19T02:59:52Z")
Note to everyone: if you have some on-topic advice, please feel free to add it. If you want to take the OP to task for asking a question, there’s no need. That’s been covered. So back to the topic, please. Ellen Cherry ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308/35 "2011-11-19T12:52:53Z")
> [@MuleSkinner](#): > > I’m thinking about contacting the mother and asking her if the daughter knows about me and if she wants to meet me. If the mother wants me to just leave her alone, I will comply with those wishes. At this point, you already have \*her \*answer to this question. hh [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-my-adult-daughter-could-i-be-responsible-for-back-child-support/603308.md?page=1)