# Finding the Ex **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 15, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394 "2009-01-15T05:44:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/1 "2009-01-15T05:44:10Z")
Every once in a while for some bizarre reason, I wonder if my ex husband is still alive and kicking. I divorced him in 1979 and haven’t seen him since. Is there any way to find out if he is still alive without having to pay for it? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/2 "2009-01-15T06:10:52Z")
[http://www.zabasearch.com/](http://www.zabasearch.com/) Isn’t perfect but it will let you search by state. Use the advanced search tab to the right for best results. If he requires a professional license of some sort to work most states have online databases that will allow you to search by his name. If there was a few of his relatives still living at their old addresses or general environs that might be the easiest place to start. Google (and yahoo) and face book searches on a person’s name can also be fruitful. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/3 "2009-01-15T06:15:04Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Is there any way to find out if he is still alive without having to pay for it? Try the [social security death index](http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/). \*\*\* Ponder ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/4 "2009-01-15T19:29:28Z")
> [@astro](#): > > [http://www.zabasearch.com/](http://www.zabasearch.com/) Isn’t perfect but it will let you search by state. Use the advanced search tab to the right for best results. It gave me one that looked like a possibility but when I wanted more info I had to pay for it. But it’s a start - next time I’m up there I think I’ll have a look. > [@](#): > > If he requires a professional license of some sort to work most states have online databases that will allow you to search by his name. If there was a few of his relatives still living at their old addresses or general environs that might be the easiest place to start. > > Google (and yahoo) and face book searches on a person’s name can also be fruitful. Unfortunately, I have no idea what he might be doing for a living, nor if his brother is still around - his parents moved to the DC area years ago and I don’t have any idea where they are. I divorced the sucker completely! 😃 [QUOTE=Ponderoid] Try the social security death index. [/QUOTE] I’ll dig around and see if I still have something with his SS on it - thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/5 "2009-01-15T19:51:37Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > I’ll dig around and see if I still have something with his SS on it - thanks! You don’t need his SSN to use that service; first and last name will do. It should provide the date of birth (and death) of anyone matching that name who’s died, so you could use that to confirm. It’s not perfect, though - it can take some time to show up on the database, and requires that there have been someone (family of some kind, typically) to actually report you as dead to them. I also had a patient who was mistakenly declared dead by the Social Security office and was thus denied his monthly payment. He called them up and spoke to someone in their office who said yup, you’re dead, we have paperwork. When he sarcastically asked if he could have a ‘payout’ for the next of kin, IIRC he was told he’d need to provide proof of death for anything further to happen. :smack: It took a call to his US House of Representative’s office for them to discover that yes, he was in fact alive and deserving of benefits. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/6 "2009-01-15T23:50:42Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > You don’t need his SSN to use that service; first and last name will do. It should provide the date of birth (and death) of anyone matching that name who’s died, so you could use that to confirm. > > It’s not perfect, though - it can take some time to show up on the database, and requires that there have been someone (family of some kind, typically) to actually report you as dead to them. Well, apparently the sucker isn’t dead - if he didn’t die many years back then he probably isn’t going to in the near future barring accident. I kinda wondered because one of the many reasons I got rid of him was he was a sleep around and as this was before the news about AIDS broke, I always wondered if he managed to dodge that bullet. > [@](#): > > I also had a patient who was mistakenly declared dead by the Social Security office and was thus denied his monthly payment. He called them up and spoke to someone in their office who said yup, you’re dead, we have paperwork. When he sarcastically asked if he could have a ‘payout’ for the next of kin, IIRC he was told he’d need to provide proof of death for anything further to happen. :smack: It took a call to his US House of Representative’s office for them to discover that yes, he was in fact alive and deserving of benefits. OMG! :eek: But then, our goverment in action… sigh ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/7 "2009-01-16T00:13:09Z")
I knw its a personal question and you may be uncomfortable answering it, but what is he doing (presuming you were able to find that out). ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/8 "2009-01-16T01:11:57Z")
Win the lottery. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/9 "2009-01-16T01:15:20Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I knw its a personal question and you may be uncomfortable answering it, but what is he doing (presuming you were able to find that out). No idea - all I was able to find out is he isn’t dead! ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/10 "2009-01-16T02:17:46Z")
Also [peoplefinders.com](http://peoplefinders.com) can show you a list of list of places where a person might have lived, and also sometimes other names associated with the person being searched. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/11 "2009-01-16T02:26:23Z")
For some reason, all of the people search sites that used to give you SOME info for free are now charging a nominal fee for any information. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/12 "2009-01-16T05:10:07Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > Also [peoplefinders.com](http://peoplefinders.com) can show you a list of list of places where a person might have lived, and also sometimes other names associated with the person being searched. As **pseudotriton ruber ruber** says above, I’d have to pay peoplefinders to get any more information than “hey, we found someone with that name in this state!”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FRDE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e68b1a/32.png) [@FRDE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FRDE)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/13 "2009-01-16T10:21:41Z")
You could find someone who enjoys ‘webstalking’ … Sadly not me as my online time is limited. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finding-the-ex/481394/14 "2009-01-16T23:39:58Z")
> [@FRDE](#): > > You could find someone who enjoys ‘webstalking’ … > > Sadly not me as my online time is limited. No, I think not - don’t care that much! 😃