# Finish the Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [September 23, 2020, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297 "2020-09-23T09:33:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/21 "2020-09-29T00:11:44Z")
The Brexiteer says “Well, it’s been three days now, I guess the Americans are clueless. Fancy a pint?” ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/22 "2020-09-29T03:02:47Z")
You get to start the next one, **Prof. P**. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/23 "2020-09-29T13:40:06Z")
Ah, right. What did the Covid-19 virus say to the e. Coli? ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/24 "2020-09-29T14:30:25Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > What did the Covid-19 virus say to the e. Coli? Go viral and you’ll never go bac. Knock Knock Who’s there Barbecue Barbecue who? ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/25 "2020-09-29T16:12:38Z")
[![](https://www.marketforum.com/media/user_uploads/forum/2018/2/pig_on_a_spit__pete_kreiner.jpg) ](https://www.marketforum.com/media/user_uploads/forum/2018/2/pig_on_a_spit__pete_kreiner.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/26 "2020-09-29T16:13:39Z")
What did the rock star say to the politician? ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/27 "2020-09-29T20:10:09Z")
Have you considered charging people to hear you on stage rather than paying them? What did the duck say to the film projector? ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/28 "2020-09-30T01:59:18Z")
Nothing. Whoever heard of a talking duck? Can February March?. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/29 "2020-09-30T02:34:21Z")
> [@Bicycle\_Bill](#): > > Can February March?. > > _ **-“BB”-** _ No, but April may. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/30 "2020-09-30T02:36:22Z")
What are the qualifications for “debate moderator”. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/31 "2020-09-30T12:05:47Z")
You just have to be bater dan all de udder moderators. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/32 "2020-09-30T12:07:02Z")
Waiter, what’s this black hole doing in my soup? ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/33 "2020-09-30T14:00:13Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > Waiter, what’s this black hole doing in my soup? First, it’s not your soup - it’s my salad. Second, that’s not a black hole - it’s an olive. And third, I’m a not waiter - I’m your boss and you’re fired. * * * How often does an athlete go to a bar? ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/34 "2020-10-01T17:36:36Z")
Every time he needs clean urine for a random drug test. What did the thunder god say to the pussycat? ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/35 "2020-10-01T17:56:09Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > What did the thunder god say to the pussycat? “Go back to Hera and tell her to stop sending me innuendos like this.” * * * A city fellow decided to move to the countryside. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2020, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/36 "2020-10-10T20:23:45Z")
After the third cow pooped on his Guccis, though, he decided to move back again. A guy was raking the leaves in his front yard when a meteor landed right next to him. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2020, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/37 "2020-10-11T04:14:56Z")
“Jesus, it almost killed me!” the man exclaimed. “It’s gravity, my friend,” a tiny alien said, jumping off the rock. “This is your lucky day. I can grant you three wishes on the spot right now. Just tell me what you want, and your wish will be fulfilled immediately.” “Really?” the guy grinned. “This rake is pretty shabby. I want the best rake in the whole universe. How about that?” The old rake vanished and a sleek instrument the kind of which no one on Earth had ever seen took form in the guy’s hands. “It’s a quantic accumulator, my friend, with a precision of 99.9%,” the little alien explained. “Wield it with care because it can gather any fragment of matter when you hover it over the designated area. What is your next wish?” “Amazing,” the man mumbled. “Well, I really hate raking leaves every autumn. I don’t want leaves to fall ever again.” Presently all the deciduous plants disappeared, and the whole planet was only covered in evergreen trees. “What about your last wish?” asked the minuscule extraterrestrial. “Well, that rock of yours almost killed me, you know,” the guy griped. “I want you to get rid of gravity in all creation.” And in that instant the entire universe disappeared. * * * Little Red Riding Hood set out to deliver food to her sickly grandmother. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2020, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/38 "2020-10-11T13:04:30Z")
Suddenly, a big bad wolf appeared in front of her. “Little Red Riding Hood,” said the wolf, “I’m going to eat you.” “Doesn’t anybody just want to f\*ck anymore,” she replied. * * * Roseanne Barr dropped a chicken leg on the floor and bent over to pick it up. Coming up behind her, Tom Arnold said: ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2020, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/39 "2020-10-28T14:10:10Z")
“I’ll eat that if you can’t reach it.” Did you hear the one about the rabbit and the undercooked pizza? ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2020, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297/40 "2020-10-28T14:35:57Z")
The rabbit escaped the hunting dog who couldn’t run because of the undercooked pizza he had swallowed and kept swelling in his stomach. * * * A couple of twins enters a bar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-joke-thread/921297.md?page=3)