# Finish the Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 26, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499 "2007-06-26T17:40:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/21 "2007-06-26T21:10:20Z")
There was a young painter named Paul To Tahiti he went, paint and all He painted girls naked But his skin became (visual rhyme) baked So he packed up and went back to Gaul A Scotsman named Angus McRucker… ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/22 "2007-06-26T21:11:47Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] No fair! You were supposed to make up a new one! 😉 [/QUOTE] You want me to skip a setup like that? Besides, until you let the cat out of the bag, I bet at least one person thought I was clever. :mad: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/23 "2007-06-26T21:23:49Z")
A Scotsman named Angus MacRucker Took a job as a horse stable mucker _Ach-feck-shite_! was the sound As he fell to the ground That barn floor is a real slippry fucker I know an attorney named Pat ---
**Author:** ![guppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7feea3/32.png) [@guppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guppy)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/24 "2007-06-26T21:35:08Z")
[QUOTE=El Cid Viscoso] I know an attorney named Pat [/QUOTE] Who likes when his clients go splat Because when they holler He makes a good dollar And he’s happy when his wallet is fat There once was a dog named Rover ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/25 "2007-06-26T21:53:11Z")
There once was a doggie named Rover Who liked to go romp in the clover One morn whilst a-romping His pills took a stomping Now ole Rover won’t ever come over Remember that foul hag named Mulva ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/26 "2007-06-27T00:41:16Z")
Remember that foul hag named Mulva Who couldn’t do anything dull. Va- -riety thrill’d her But eventually kill’d her When the umbrella open’d up in her vulva A grocery store clerk, name o’ Whipple… ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/27 "2007-06-27T02:12:33Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Remember that foul hag named Mulva Who couldn’t do anything dull. Va- -riety thrill’d her But eventually kill’d her When the umbrella open’d up in her vulva A grocery store clerk, name o’ Whipple… [/QUOTE] A grocery store clerk, name o’ Whipple Was awfully fond of the tipple But nobody thunk that this cheery old drunk Said that “Charmin” was the name of his nipple ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/28 "2007-06-27T02:20:43Z")
Since \*\*Cluricaun \*\* didn’t provide the start to the next one… A young lady once went to the mall… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/29 "2007-06-27T12:56:11Z")
[QUOTE=Dragwyr] Since \*\*Cluricaun \*\* didn’t provide the start to the next one… A young lady once went to the mall… [/QUOTE] He was probably laughing too hard to remember. A young lady once went to the mall and met a young man, had the gall to say “Lady, you’re tardy Let’s strip down and party Young lady, please get on the ball” There once was a young lass named Lucy… ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/30 "2007-06-27T16:44:22Z")
Damn, I did forget…anyway: There once was a young lass named Lucy… Who’s top half was rather quite juicy But below her waist It was really a waste Oh her poor sad dried up old……ahem. Remember the one about Dave? ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/31 "2007-06-27T17:05:18Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Remember the one about Dave? [/QUOTE] Who got hired at minimum wage. The job descprition was unclear, Simply stated,“must have nice rear.” I think he became a sex slave. Why do these all end up in the gutter? A Circus Performer named Bill… ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/32 "2007-06-27T17:07:35Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Remember the one about Dave? [/QUOTE] …that scandalous scurrilous knave? He hit on my sister if that isn’t twisted I’ll sink him down deep in a grave! Then there’s his brother named Peter… On Edit: ooops, got beaten to it… ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/33 "2007-06-27T17:36:00Z")
_A Circus Performer named Bill…_ Balanced plates on a stick. Not a thrill. But now he’s quite happy, His act is now snappy, All thanks to a little blue pill. [QUOTE=brewha] Why do these all end up in the gutter? [/QUOTE] Gutter? Hey, they’re limericks. I think the raunch is required. A fading old actress named Nora… ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/34 "2007-06-27T17:39:41Z")
I’ll get them both then… A Circus Performer named Bill Could give the crowd a special thrill Swinging from the trapeeze By what looked like his knees But what it was the crowd talks about still Then there’s his brother named Peter… The notorious old pumpkin eater He swore to the lord That he gave up the gourd But come fall he’s a bit of a cheater. I once knew a lady named Shirley… ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/35 "2007-06-27T19:33:51Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] I once knew a lady named Shirley… [/QUOTE] Whose behavior was clearly quite squirrelly. Her father, to calm her introduced her to Dahmer Who thought, “I’d like fries with this girly.” A lady named Doris once thought… ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/36 "2007-06-27T20:25:00Z")
[QUOTE=Dragwyr] A lady named Doris once thought… [/QUOTE] That she would like to be taught How to attract men by her dress – But she had no success, So 'twas a vibrator she bought. A fading old actress named Nora… ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/37 "2007-06-27T20:33:03Z")
[QUOTE=Sternvogel] A fading old actress named Nora… [/QUOTE] …found her figure grew steadily poorer She went to the quack, Said “My tits have gone slack And I’ve tripped on my labia majora!” Next: A young butcher’s daughter named Alice… ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/38 "2007-06-27T20:43:49Z")
[QUOTE=Colophon] …found her figure grew steadily poorer She went to the quack, Said “My tits have gone slack And I’ve tripped on my labia majora!” Next: A young butcher’s daughter named Alice… [/QUOTE] Was attacked by a man with great malice. This caused her father much strife, So he pulled out a knife and removed the evil man’s phallus This is too much fun. I’m really laughing out loud at some of these limericks! (the first line is the toughest) A jolly old fat man from York… ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/39 "2007-06-27T20:44:02Z")
A young butcher’s daughter named Alice Thought each sausage looked like a phallus Her behavior was worst Around links of bratwurst And thus she was banned from [Meat Palace](http://www.explorewisconsin.com/meatpalace/index.html) You’ve probably heard of Aunt Bea… ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/40 "2007-06-27T20:50:18Z")
[QUOTE=brewha] A jolly old fat man from York… [/QUOTE] …Always carried a spare knife and fork If you asked him what for He’d slice off your jaw And reply “Tastes exactly like pork.” I think there’s already a next starter floating about somewhere… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499.md?page=3)