# Finish the Limerick **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 26, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499 "2007-06-26T17:40:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/81 "2007-07-01T19:31:56Z")
Old Brutus, he worked on the dock Gutting carp he yearned to just talk To The Dope he did hie But he found by and by In real life he’d be kicked in the cock\* There once was a die-hard “Die Hard” fan Equipped with a riddle and gas can To the fountain he hustled But the bomb it got justled They could fit his remains in a dustpan [sub]\* Miss ya **Brutus** , hope you’re well. :^)[/sub] Jen had a weird love of bacon … ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2007, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/82 "2007-07-01T22:57:37Z")
[QUOTE=El Cid Viscoso] Jen had a weird love of bacon … [/QUOTE] By her, a strip would be taken Then placed in her hole Till she screamed “Oh my soul!”, But most folks felt she was fakin’. Mandy was quite a dumb chick… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/83 "2007-07-02T02:09:03Z")
[QUOTE=Sternvogel] Mandy was quite a dumb chick… [/QUOTE] Mandy was quite a dumb chick, With all the brains of a guitar pick. Her man plied her with wine, And then bid her recline, So that his dear was laid out like a salt lick. He proceeded to strum on her torso, Drawing a low hum, and then a bit more so. When he hit her C-sharp, She thrummed like a harp, In dulcet tones, most _amoroso_. He moved on, down and up, on her body, Hearing whimpers, and then a threnody. As she writhed on the mattress, He composed chords on her fretless Body with the _elan_ of Carlo Menotti. Ooh, I forgot to supply a starter line! A pro halfback soaked in the Jacuzzi, ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/84 "2007-07-02T02:31:00Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] A pro halfback soaked in the Jacuzzi, [/QUOTE] for so long that his mind became woozy while dreaming of Venus he took hold of his penis which shot off like it was an Uzi! Old Ethel was tough as a rivet… ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/85 "2007-07-02T03:25:48Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] Old Ethel was tough as a rivet… [/QUOTE] And didn’t bathe and smelled of a civet How’d you like that Since she smelled like a cat Just run away man, start with a pivot. Let’s talk about Dustin Diamond… ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/86 "2007-07-02T13:05:47Z")
Let’s talk about Dustin Diamond [Seems he’s broke](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dustin_Diamond#Supposed_debt), he ain’t got a dime and Since _Saved by the Bell_ He’s not done too well But at least that afro’s subsided. Next: A customs inspector named Cholmondely… (bonus points for preserving the spelling) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/87 "2007-07-02T15:28:20Z")
[QUOTE=Colophon] A customs inspector named Cholmondely… [/QUOTE] :dubious: You wouldn’t be trying to kill the thread, would you, **Colophon**? A customs inspector named Cholmondely Likes to perform his duties most doggedly, For it gives him a thrill To see each panty and pill That travellers bring and try to take away. There once was a lonely loan officer, ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/88 "2007-07-02T15:38:58Z")
Sing this limerick to the Godfather theme: There was a man whose name was Michael Corleone, He killed his brother, Fredo, now he’s home alone, ---
**Author:** ![broomstick3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@broomstick3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broomstick3)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/89 "2007-07-02T15:45:05Z")
I’ve got a whole bunch of [.[http://www.mnpott.com/limericks.php](http://www.mnpott.com/limericks.php)](]funny and gross limericks[/url) ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/90 "2007-07-02T15:49:30Z")
There once was a lonely loan officer: Spent most of her nights in the office. Her Rate of interest Shot up once she undressed - That made guys sit up and notice her! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/91 "2007-07-02T21:39:07Z")
Somebody has to offer a starter line. There once was a drunken detective, ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/92 "2007-07-02T21:43:52Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] There once was a drunken detective, [/QUOTE] Whose client gave him a directive. “Find the man who stole my car, But stay out of the bar.” The reply was X-rated invective. Melissa’s skirt was so short… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/93 "2007-07-02T21:51:58Z")
[QUOTE=Sternvogel] Melissa’s skirt was so short… [/QUOTE] That mere bending would quickly exhort males to drop to their knees and loudly cry, “Please! Your kinkiest I will comport!” The farmer’s fine pair of oxen… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/94 "2007-07-02T22:22:04Z")
[QUOTE=Colophon] (bonus points for preserving the spelling) [/QUOTE] Here you go: A customs inspector named Cholmondely, OVER-inspected the uncustomarily colmondely. So the doc gave a quick stick Of novocaine to his prick. Now when Cholmondely comes, he comes nolmondely! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/95 "2007-07-02T22:34:33Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] The farmer’s fine pair of oxen… [/QUOTE] The farmer’s fine pair of oxen Grew up, with balls out and their cocks in. As they plowed near the cows, They became so aroused, The farmer scrapped his plough for its tin. There once was a young doc named Otis, ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/96 "2007-07-03T05:13:13Z")
There once was a young doc named Otis, Whose income the gals had noticed He’d work on their tits and other naughty bits Then they’d go for a ride in his Lotus This is the start of an old joke, but let’s see if we can turn it into a limerick: She ordered a double entendre ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499/97 "2007-07-03T16:24:20Z")
[QUOTE=Civil Guy] She ordered a double entendre [/QUOTE] She ordered a double entendre With a chaser of bad puns, to pondre. The bartender paused, Then ordered her tossed, Barking, “we don’t serve broads words here!” There once was a love-struck maitre d’, [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/finish-the-limerick/409499.md?page=4)