# First Contact Headline News

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-headline-news/1011926>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 20, 2024, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-headline-news/1011926 "2024-12-20T15:22:38Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\
**Post date:** [December 20, 2024, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-headline-news/1011926/1 "2024-12-20T15:22:38Z")

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SETI confirms arrival of extraterrestrials on planet Earth. Create headlines we’re likely to see.

Here’s a few to start you off:

**USA Today:** First Contact! Americans Ask: Will They Take Our Jobs or just Our Self-Esteem?

**The Washington Post:** Aliens Confirmed, Congress Debates Which Committee to Blame

**The New York Times:** Manhattan Meets Martians—Looking for Good Bagels

**The Chicago Tribune:** Aliens Try Deep-Dish, Demand Diplomatic Apology, Lactose-Free Options, and a To-Go Box

**Las Vegas Review-Journal:** ALIENS HIT THE STRIP! Elvis Impersonators Found to Be Actual Aliens

**The Miami Herald:** Aliens Arrive! Nation Debates if They’re Here for Peace or Just to Laugh at Florida

**The Times (UK):** Blimey, We’re Not Alone! Crumpets and Tea for Cosmic Company?

**The Sydney Morning Herald:** G’day, Galaxy Guests! Aliens Land in Oz, Confused by Kangaroos, Emus, and Vegemite

**Der Spiegel:** Aliens Arrive!: Germans Explain Oktoberfest, Aliens Politely Decline Lederhosen, but Demand More Beer

**Le Monde:** Interstellar Visitors Land: Leave After Hours of Being Lectured on Wine Decanting and Perfect Cheese Pairings

**The National Enquirer:**  
ALIENS LAND IN HOLLYWOOD! Claim Kanye West Is Their Long-Lost Cousin

Your turn.

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**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\
**Post date:** [December 20, 2024, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-headline-news/1011926/2 "2024-12-20T16:45:47Z")

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> [@Tibby](#):
>
> **The National Enquirer:**  
> ALIENS LAND IN HOLLYWOOD! Claim Kanye West Is Their Long-Lost Cousin

I think it would be better as:

**National Enquirer**

ALIEN LANDING IN HOLLYWOOD REVEALED TO BE A HOAX!

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**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\
**Post date:** [December 20, 2024, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-headline-news/1011926/3 "2024-12-20T18:16:53Z")

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My (or probably any) relatively-local paper:

LOCAL PERSON SAW THE ALIENS!

(“local person” being some named individual who’s lived around here sometime in their lifetime.)