# First Contact scenario **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2006, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942 "2006-08-31T16:55:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/41 "2006-09-03T03:33:34Z")
[QUOTE=Push You Down] I don’t know much about the south or Atlanta in particular … but I do know they are not fucking peasants frightened by “woodless fire” and “magical clouds from the sky”. [/QUOTE] Dude, have you ever _been_ to Atlanta? 😃 The only correct course of action is to kill them and eat them. That way we get their mojo. Besides, anybody flying through Atlanta knows that death is preferred. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/42 "2006-09-03T04:23:22Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] If, on the other hand, the door opens and out oozes a gelatinous blob that lives in a symbiotic relationship with a colony of eleven-legged bug-eyed spider-things that cover almost the entire blob and it communicates by spaying mucous at you, things might not go so well. [/QUOTE] Yeah…it’d sure be hard to watch Ambassador MindShriek of the Flaming-Skullians address the U.N. So yeah, it’s probably going to be a good idea to staff the first contact team with diehard peaceniks, or something—a failsafe to make sure they won’t panic and take a potshot at the aliens. And even if the aliens _are_ hostile, and want to make an example of the first humans to approach…hey, at least we didn’t waste any troops’ lives before the invasion formally begins. ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/43 "2006-09-03T12:07:46Z")
Given that the Pentagon/US defense agencies (put your acronym here) are always “wargaming” various scenarios, I have no doubt there is a “plan” for an alien landing. I am sure people in the highest sanctums of gov/military have actually got together and talked about it, and tried to come up with “options”. And yes, I am sure a lot of them got a chuckle out of it. I bet somewhere exists documents outlining responses to ET landing here. Gort would still fry their asses though. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/44 "2006-09-03T17:00:07Z")
[QUOTE=Klaatu] Gort would still fry their asses though. [/QUOTE] Well, that settles it then. 'Cause (judging by your username) you _really_ know the truth… ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/45 "2006-09-03T17:11:30Z")
I expect the aliens have been monitoring our radio transmissions, so they will speak all major Earth languages. I trust that the first approach by us would be peaceful. Not only is it the right thing to do, but these guys have the technology. The thought that does peturb me is if they specify negotiations ‘man to alien’ and we send Bush up alone to speak on behalf of the human race. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/46 "2006-09-03T17:31:19Z")
[QUOTE=glee] The thought that does peturb me is if they specify negotiations ‘man to alien’ and we send Bush up alone to speak on behalf of the human race. :eek: [/QUOTE] Nah… If they’ve been monitoring our radio/tv signals they’d know enough to keep him busy with some shiny objects. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/47 "2006-09-03T17:40:31Z")
Well I’d walk up to them hand held up in salute and say “I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/48 "2006-09-03T17:56:02Z")
I’d get my best anal probe out and say “bend over alien dude and see how _you_ like it”. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/49 "2006-09-03T20:16:47Z")
[QUOTE=AtomicDog] A doorway appears in the ship. A figure steps out. What happens next? [/QUOTE] He asks for directions to [The Rib Shack](http://fatmattsribshack.com/) or if it is in the AM the nearest Waffle House. There are no good places to eat when you fly FTL. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/50 "2006-09-03T20:30:47Z")
[QUOTE=glee] I expect the aliens have been monitoring our radio transmissions, so they will speak all major Earth languages. [/QUOTE] If they have FTL they may not have heard us yet. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/51 "2006-09-03T20:38:46Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] If they have FTL they may not have heard us yet. 🙂 [/QUOTE] Or they’ll speak _really_ fast. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/52 "2006-09-03T21:43:30Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT] Or they’ll speak _really_ fast. 😉 [/QUOTE] There’s a line here about Yankees, but it just ain’t coming. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/53 "2006-09-04T01:06:57Z")
[QUOTE=Klaatu] Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you. [/QUOTE] It occurs to me that you’ve been waiting your entire Straight Dope career for this thread to come into existence. You’ve risen to the situation admirably. Gort is at Spondivit’s, just outside of the airport proper, enjoying some buffalo wings and collard greens. 😃 We’d try to bomb em. Then we’d negotiate. Maybe. I agree- it’s _us_, after all. Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/54 "2006-09-04T01:12:18Z")
[QUOTE=Cartooniverse] Gort is at Spondivit’s, just outside of the airport proper, enjoying some buffalo wings and collard greens. 😃 We’d try to bomb em. Then we’d negotiate. Maybe. [/QUOTE] We gotta get Captain Kirk in on this. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/55 "2006-09-04T02:43:05Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] “Hello! We are being the aliens! We come are pleased to meet you! Let us now negotiate the agreements yes!” [/QUOTE] Just freakin’ great! The aliens are Nigerian scam artists. ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/56 "2006-09-04T02:58:25Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] Just freakin’ great! The aliens are Nigerian scam artists. [/QUOTE] Well, I \*did \* wonder if the aliens might be Ferengi… ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942/57 "2006-09-04T14:02:35Z")
[QUOTE=kunilou] Just freakin’ great! The aliens are Nigerian scam artists. [/QUOTE] —spitting coffee. You are a goddess. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-contact-scenario/370942.md?page=2)