Dude, have you ever been to Atlanta? 
The only correct course of action is to kill them and eat them. That way we get their mojo. Besides, anybody flying through Atlanta knows that death is preferred.
Yeah…it’d sure be hard to watch Ambassador MindShriek of the Flaming-Skullians address the U.N.
So yeah, it’s probably going to be a good idea to staff the first contact team with diehard peaceniks, or something—a failsafe to make sure they won’t panic and take a potshot at the aliens. And even if the aliens are hostile, and want to make an example of the first humans to approach…hey, at least we didn’t waste any troops’ lives before the invasion formally begins.
Given that the Pentagon/US defense agencies (put your acronym here) are always “wargaming” various scenarios, I have no doubt there is a “plan” for an alien landing.
I am sure people in the highest sanctums of gov/military have actually got together and talked about it, and tried to come up with “options”. And yes, I am sure a lot of them got a chuckle out of it. I bet somewhere exists documents outlining responses to ET landing here.
Gort would still fry their asses though.
Well, that settles it then. 'Cause (judging by your username) you really know the truth…
I expect the aliens have been monitoring our radio transmissions, so they will speak all major Earth languages.
I trust that the first approach by us would be peaceful. Not only is it the right thing to do, but these guys have the technology.
The thought that does peturb me is if they specify negotiations ‘man to alien’ and we send Bush up alone to speak on behalf of the human race. :eek:
Nah… If they’ve been monitoring our radio/tv signals they’d know enough to keep him busy with some shiny objects.
Well I’d walk up to them hand held up in salute and say “I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords”
I’d get my best anal probe out and say “bend over alien dude and see how you like it”.
He asks for directions to The Rib Shack or if it is in the AM the nearest Waffle House.
There are no good places to eat when you fly FTL.
If they have FTL they may not have heard us yet. 
Or they’ll speak really fast. 
There’s a line here about Yankees, but it just ain’t coming.
It occurs to me that you’ve been waiting your entire Straight Dope career for this thread to come into existence.
You’ve risen to the situation admirably.
Gort is at Spondivit’s, just outside of the airport proper, enjoying some buffalo wings and collard greens.
We’d try to bomb em. Then we’d negotiate. Maybe.
I agree- it’s us, after all.
Cartooniverse
We gotta get Captain Kirk in on this.
Just freakin’ great! The aliens are Nigerian scam artists.
Well, I *did * wonder if the aliens might be Ferengi…
—spitting coffee. You are a goddess.