# First line of a new novel **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 27, 2002, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164 "2002-12-27T14:54:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/1 "2002-12-27T14:54:10Z")
While enjoying the holidays with my relatives, I started a game of taking common phrases from our conversations, and using them as the first line in a novel that could be written. For example, my young cousin was worried about the line of clouds on the horizon as we drove back from Home Depot and her comment could be used as an opening line… “Those dark clouds are getting closer; I hope we beat them home” So what can you come up with?..I think you should be able to think of a better line than the one I posted! (Good taste, the general tone of the SDMB, and FCC rules prevent me from submitting the better ones from the family gathering) ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/2 "2002-12-27T14:57:07Z")
Heh. I knew a guy who’s real name was Jason, but for some reason his nickname was Ishmael. So when I first met him he told me, “Call me Ishmael.” Seems like a good first line to a book. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/3 "2002-12-27T16:01:37Z")
From what I posted in ‘sequential threads’ New years resolutions, first line of a new novel. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Magic8ball](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Miss\_Magic8ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Magic8ball)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/4 "2002-12-27T16:05:55Z")
“Call me ishmeal”… where have I heard that before… ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/5 "2002-12-27T16:16:40Z")
“Fuck.” ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/6 "2002-12-27T16:43:16Z")
> [@](#): > > where have I heard that before… Moby Dick. (I don’t know if you were kidding or not). ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/7 "2002-12-27T16:46:47Z")
I think he was, **Splanky**. BTW, here’s another contribution by me: “Oh, fucking fuck.” ---
**Author:** ![SmileyDeath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SmileyDeath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmileyDeath)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/8 "2002-12-27T16:53:08Z")
“What a officous(?) prick.” thought \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/9 "2002-12-27T17:55:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*Blackeyes \*\*\* > “Fuck.” I once wrote a short story that started exactly that way. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/10 "2002-12-27T17:56:34Z")
“SmileyDeath is such an analfuck.” thought \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Just kidding! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/11 "2002-12-27T18:02:53Z")
_from by website in MSN communities_ No one really cared what the time or date was anymore. All that mattered was that was next on the people’s favorite entertainment network. (PfEN) As the monsoon Raged outside the tumbledown shack, Julio calmly ate cornuts while Donald nervously bit his nails waiting for him to reach the one spiked with horseradish. The king proudly stood on his balcony watching the sun rise over his kingdom completely unaware that 54 penguins were wrecking the royal dining room where his breakfast waited. While Elle stood surveying the gruesome scene, she came to the conclusion that she had never seen so much mayonnaise in her life. Bob had only ducked into the clockshop to escape the rain, but once inside, he discovered the store devoid of sound. Hundreds of running clocks, without a single tick. Ever since the terrible night that his shoe caught fire, Fuzz Kramer had never been able to shake the nickname. Charlie noticed that the bus stop wasn’t crowded any more and he knew that despite his hours of waiting, he would simply not board a bus until he was positive of what one looked like. I first knew Eugene’s sanity could be in trouble when he was fired from his job for trashing the typewriter which he confided to me was laughing at him. _I have some more subitted by others at_ [http://groups.msn.com/TheCaptainsWalk/general.msnw?action=get\_message&mview=0&ID\_Message=3&LastModified=4675401691928992994](http://groups.msn.com/TheCaptainsWalk/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=3&LastModified=4675401691928992994) ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/12 "2002-12-27T18:13:07Z")
He was so fat when he died that they weren’t sure how they were going to get him out of his trailor. ---
**Author:** ![Splanky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@Splanky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splanky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/13 "2002-12-27T20:02:14Z")
He didn’t have much time to think. All he knew was that he had three minutes to get the entire body in the trash disposal before his Hungry Jack was done. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/14 "2002-12-27T22:54:15Z")
“OK, I made up my mind, It was neither the best nor the worst of times.” ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/15 "2002-12-27T22:56:21Z")
Heh… Forgot that goes along with my location. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/16 "2002-12-28T00:13:18Z")
Have you heard of the [Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest](http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/)? It’s where you can submit some really long first line of writing that could belong in a book. (generally, they’re really terrible… but it’s amusing as well) That said, my first line of a new novel would be: “You’re a mister and I’m a girl!” F\_X ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/17 "2002-12-28T04:33:12Z")
I’ve heard of that contest! I thought the whole idea was to come up with awful opening lines. I think if George Carlin were a doper, his contribution to this thread would be “After I shove this hot poker up my ass, I’m gonna chop my dick off.” Either that or "Yeah, I know. So anyway, I’m gonna have my testicles _laminated._ ---
**Author:** ![Gairloch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@Gairloch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gairloch)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/18 "2002-12-28T06:43:34Z")
“Had it not been for the asteroid, Georgette might have thoroughly enjoyed her spinach and feta omelet, despite the coffee being a bit on the cool side and not at all the vanilla mocha Kona she had ordered, but such things were to be expected, what with the Purge and all, and she was in remarkably good spirits even as the other patrons ran screaming from the diner.” Gairloch ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/19 "2002-12-28T07:25:42Z")
“X always hated Y.” Substitute your own values for X and Y and you have a great start. ---
**Author:** ![scablet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@scablet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scablet)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2002, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164/20 "2002-12-28T07:33:43Z")
“How long have you had her, now?” is the first dialogue line of my worthless screenplay in progress. It gains significance later on. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-line-of-a-new-novel/145164.md?page=2)