# First Porno **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 1999, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764 "1999-09-29T19:11:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TheDoll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@TheDoll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheDoll)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/41 "1999-10-01T14:39:00Z")
Drain Bead,“Okay, so how many women are digging Satan even more after hearing that story? I know I am…” Aren’t we all. Damn! ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/42 "1999-10-01T15:10:00Z")
When I was about 27 my guy friend took me to a porno flick in a theatre. Later he toldme he could hear a guy jacking off right behind us. Gross ---
**Author:** ![Danny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Danny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danny)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/43 "1999-10-01T16:23:00Z")
When I was a Freshman in college, the Student Activities organization or some such had to spew it across three theaters one weekend as part of the regular weekend movie activities (passing the reels from one theater to the next as they finish playing). Even so, it was standing room only! I think that was my first porno movie. Remembered that it was pretty good at the time. Good photography, sound, even kind of a story line. ---
**Author:** ![Danny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Danny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danny)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/44 "1999-10-01T16:27:00Z")
Oh…sorry, that was the Devil of Miss Jones. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/45 "1999-10-01T19:31:00Z")
Worst lines I ever heard in pornos: “Look at it! Look at his sperm! Doesn’t it look like venom?” “Ya mule!” - while doing a woman from behind, wearing a cowboy hat. Now, I’ve heard of lonely men having sex with farm animals, pretending they are women, but the other way around?!? * * * **\>^,^\<** “Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…” OpalCat’s site: [http://opalcat.com](http://opalcat.com) The Teeming Millions Homepage: [fathom.org/teemingmillions](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions) ---
**Author:** ![Scarred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Scarred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarred)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/46 "1999-10-01T19:47:00Z")
1974, high school, “Devil In Miss Jones” at the Highwood Cinema Club. Got a special membership card, too. The best thing was that I only saw 1/2 the movie cuz we wuz raided. When the cops came in and turned on the lights I could see it was an interesting crowd. Besides the high schoolers, there were a bunch of well-dressed couples. I think things have changed a bit in these high-tech times. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/47 "1999-10-01T19:50:00Z")
Speaking of PeeWee, I’ve met the star of the movie he was watching when he was arrested (Nurse Nancy herself)… I went to a restaurant in NY called La Nouvelle Justine, which is an S&M themed French restaurant. They were playing bondage porno on several monitors all around the restaurant… heh. Here is me with our waiter… he was wearing a floor-length skirt, no shirt, and a chain harness thingie. [wiater pic](http://fathom.org/opalcat/diary/waiter2.jpg) Someone from another table got shackled to this big cage and flogged by the staff at one point… hehe. Anyway, the porn they were showing was like some cheesy naked cowboy movie, looked like 70s era. On alternating screens they showed old black and white footage of Betty Paige getting spanked and stuff. * * * **\>^,^\<** “Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…” OpalCat’s site: [http://opalcat.com](http://opalcat.com) The Teeming Millions Homepage: [fathom.org/teemingmillions](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions) ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/48 "1999-10-01T20:11:00Z")
I was in high school at the time. I don’t remember the name of the flick, but it had the word ‘Stewardess’ in the title. And it was in 3-D, which made it more scary than erotic. I’m not sure which was more silly - the movie or the theater full of males wearing cardboard 3-D glasses. Coming soon to a theater near YOU… * * * The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/49 "1999-10-01T22:18:00Z")
## Buttman’s European Vacation was my first venture into the adult film world. I must have been 14 at the time. My all time favorite porno though is Anal Justice… its just soo damn funny!!! “I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) `\/-------\ `| |-----| | …c.c…c.c… ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 1999, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/50 "1999-10-01T22:26:00Z")
I was a late starter (should that be a late comer?), aged around 23. The feature was called ‘I’m trying to keep it up’, and there were about 3 of us in the cinema. One was a classic ‘dirty old man’, the rest looked like school truants. Mind you, when I was 12 I thought I knew all about sex. My older friends challenged me to define ‘masturbation’ and I said it meant to chew thoroughly (well at least I knew what mastication was). ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/51 "1999-10-02T02:18:00Z")
It was a double feature at an actual movie theater: “Autobiography of a Flea” and “Teenage Sorority Girls.” There were three of us guys that had all just turned 18, and it was the first time for all three. ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/52 "1999-10-02T05:20:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve never been to a XXX theatre, but I get grossed out thinking about the mess in the theater. And I’m not talking the popcorn, either. Or am I way off base, and the patrons simply watch the movie…? I remember just last year I went with a couple of my friends from school to a local theater (Called “Nu-Art”). I remember the store had video booths, and a theater. The store sold fetish gear, toys, videos, old porn novels, and all the other stuff. I remember most of the clientele were these old men. Most were by themselves. It was kind of nasty. Me and my friends tried not to touch anything and washed our hands when we got home because it was kind of scuzzy in there. We didn’t even venture into the theater but we could hear the movie LOUD and clear. The theater also had its parking lot in the back so you could go in through the back door. * * * You make me want to throw my pager out the window tell MCI to cut the phone poles break my lease so I can move cause you’re a bugaboo, a bugaboo ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/53 "1999-10-02T05:34:00Z")
I’ve seen porn here and there. I prefer British porn, since they seem to think male eye candy is as important as female, unlike American porn. Anyway, my most memorable porn viewing was when I was 18, at a small, obscure and very small college in the Southwest. We had a festival every spring; it was put on by the sophomores. It was basically an orgy, but there was a serious effort to structure it, with activities and a theme. Anyway, the opening ceremony included a film about the school. It showed people having round-table discussions in an era when guys had brush cuts and people **smoked in class**. We sat there halfheartedly ripping on it, when suddenly the shot changed to a guy stubbing out a cigarette, then proceeding to take **everything** off. I have never heard people laugh so loud; it would have drowned out a Harley with no muffler in top gear. The camera got him from every angle, and not from a stationary position, either. Some people claimed later that they’d noticed that the guy stripping was also in the discussion group, but the sophomores asserted that the two films were unrelated. I wonder if that’s ever been topped, at subsequent festivals. * * * Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together. —Red Green ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/54 "1999-10-02T14:13:00Z")
Well, I tried to watch my first porno last night–looking for _Debbie Does Dallas_–but the store didn’t have it. I must say my virginal eyes were flipping out at the video covers–all these dicks in asses and women with breast implants so repulsively large that … well, I’m sure you’ve all seen this. Brian was with me, and he was amused by my “OH my GOD, look at this woman! Why the hell would she DO that to her body!” My favorite title there: _Urethral Weapon._ ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 1999, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/55 "1999-10-02T21:56:00Z")
Rich Hall- Yes, Penthouse has gotten a lot more hard core in recent years. Golden shower, anyone? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 1999, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764/56 "1999-10-03T06:52:00Z")
Well, crud: Day 2 of the Search for Debbie Does Dallas, to no avail. We called every local video store–some had _Debbie Does Dallas Again_, some had the other sequels; some had the original on DVD. But _no one_ has it on VHS. We also looked for _Sex Bloopers_ with no success. There are so many titles out there–it’s a needle in a haystack. Or…well, there’s something more sexual that could be used as an analogy there, I’m sure. So we looked at other titles, and they all looked the same. A bit grotesque, some of them. Nothing that looked amusing (although the title “When Larry Are Sally” was hilarious. There weren’t any other “real movie” porn cop-offs, though. Dammit.). Then other men walked in the room, and Bri and I felt a little creeped out and had to leave. Yah gotta love when a woman brings her 1-year-old in with her to the porn room. So, we rented Orgazmo. Damn funny, in a silly way, but why the hell was it NC-17? There were bare breasts on the screen for maybe 2 seconds. The rest is bare asses and dildos. No wonder Matt and Trey were so pissed off at the ratings board. “Shut your f_ **ing face, uncle f** _er…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-porno/8764.md?page=2)