I agree that it is a beautiful gesture. It’s taking a moment, just a moment, to step outside of yourself and take part in another family’s grief.
Choosing not to pull over is also a gesture, though a different sort of gesture altogether.
To the OP: the fact that you’ve apparently expressed this opinion to lots of different people and have been met with dismay and negative reactions should perhaps be an invitation to reconsider your priorities.
You’re correct when you say that this kind of reverence is voluntary, but that doesn’t mean you should be surprised when you get backlash for bucking societal norms - especially those at the intersection of death and community.
Yes, there is a difference between a custom and a law. No, you are not **required **by any stretch of the imagination to pull over. Yes, you are kind of a jerk for picking this particular hill to die on.
When my brother died (he was a well-liked constable in a small town), the road to the cemetery was lined with a scattering of folks paying their respects. On an absolutely abysmal day when four kids lost their father way too young, and my dad was heartbroken, it was a balm for their despair.
Sure, those people left their registers for a moment, some burgers weren’t made as quickly and I bet at least one hair dresser put a perm on hold, but what they have that day by passing up on their own convenience and important minutiae, was immeasurable to us grieving.
In that way, I only wish my husband had not just had a memorial service. Because that day, anything at all to make me not feel like I was fucking dying too would’ve been appreciated. Sometimes, so little can mean so much.
Live and let live i say bruh. The only scorn i have are for those here passing judgement on you.
On a similar note…I have to laugh when i see at baseball games middle aged women telling people around her to stand the **** up when a veteran is being honored and they encounter a vet sitting and being told “I served. Shut up.”
Around here (Alabama), most funeral processions seem to have police escorts. They not only blow through red lights, but the police cars physically block traffic into the intersection.
Personally I hate the practice, I think it represents an unhealthy obsession with death. Why is your death (or death of a family member) the ONLY time you are entitled to a police escort?
The funeral procession gets a police escort because otherwise you have cars cutting into and out of the procession, vehicles that need to stay together get separated, people get confused, and that’s when accidents happen. Any procession gets the same treatment; once in a great while, e.g., you’ll see a wedding procession with such an escort. It’s just that funerals are the most common because that’s usually the only time most of us will be the star of a procession. You’ll see the same police escort when the utility company or a house-moving operation has multiple vehicles that should be kept together even in the face of red lights, or when dignitaries come to town and you want the limo and the security escorts to stay together, etc. Not too long ago, I saw some kind of industrial machinery being moved: the pilot car with the flashing lights and “oversize load” banner, four or five huge tractor-trailers, and a chase car at the rear, with a motorcycle police escort to make sure the whole group moved as one unit through town.
What you just described is being required. Just not by law, but by society. Pretending otherwise is being disingenuous. That backlash is how society enforces its rules.
I’m not really a fan, either. I actually do think it’s a nice gesture, but forcing it like this totally cheapens it. It just becomes a thing people do even though they don’t actually have any respect.
In, my opinion, what actually matters is that you should pull over if you won’t have time to get out of the way–and you should err on the side of assuming you won’t. Requiring anything else just turns a lovely gesture into a resentful obligation.
I also note that I’ve been in funeral processions where someone got out of the way instead of stopping. And, despite them talking bad about everyone, I never heard a peep about them. Who is paying attention to that when they are grieving their dead relative of beloved friend?
Funeral processions are full of vehicles driven by people who are, to one extent or another, distraught and likely distracted. I’ve always thought that that’s one reason a police escort for a procession makes sense–it keeps things more simpler and more organized, possibly reducing the chances of an accident.
In light of that, giving the procession space arguably makes sense. It’s similar to the way it’s increasingly common to require traffic to slow down or allow a clear lane for stopped, active emergency vehicles. It’s probably not a bad idea, if it can be done safely and without undue disruption of traffic. (In other words, abrupt stops or bottling up large amounts of traffic would be counterproductive.)
I don’t really get it as a gesture of respect. The times I’ve been in a procession, I paid little attention to what anyone else was doing, aside from normal traffic safety. Honestly, if I’d noticed anyone pulling over and stopping, I probably would have thought it was weird.
Considering what the OP is describing is more of a regional custom and not a local law, of course you have the right to opt out. What’s more telling about the OP is their desire to “debate”:rolleyes: this topic when casual conversation about funeral processions comes up.
Let me guess you get offended and express such offense when after sneezing someone says, “Bless you”?
Welcome to the Dope, I would recommend you read the forum posting rules stickied at the top of each forum.
Going back a few days… Yikes! I live in southern CA, and didn’t know this.
Fortunately, the very few times I’ve seen a funeral procession long enough to matter, it has been escorted to police motorcycle patrols, who enforce the right of way (mostly by having their blinking colored lights going, and gesturing at anyone who gets too close.)
So, this thread might have spared me from committing a traffic infraction! Thanks!
Here in PA (or at least in Allegheny county) a procession can pass through red lights. At my aunt’s funeral earlier last year, some assholes tried to cut into the procession just as we were leaving church. (Almost backed right into us, too! My sister copied down their plates) My cousin who had just walked out of church went over and tore them a new one. Jagoffs.
Thankfully they don’t do that around here. It would infuriate me. I see it happening pretty often in San Francisco, specifically in Chinatown. Traffic is already a mess and I can’t imagine being stuck waiting around for it.
this isn’t a “southern” thing. I grew up in New England, my parents were from New York, and they taught me to yield to funerals.
the respect isn’t for the dead, it is for the grieving. It is part of the golden rule (“Do unto others as you would have them do onto you”). These people are in a bad place right now, cut them some slack.
The roads are not just about getting where you are going, they are also a place where you interact with other people. And consideration for their needs and feelings should be part of that.
Guilt tripping and force are not remotely equivalent. Grabbing your money is theft, even if the thief then immediately gives it to charity. But making you feel like a jerk for not giving is totally fair game.
HOWEVER, the guilt trip is vastly overused. It is fair game for your good friend, who knows your financial situation and knows you have $3 in your pocket that you totally can spare, to look at you like you are a jerk when you give nothing to the charity. But a complete stranger doesn’t know you. Maybe you are wearing borrowed clothes, maybe you are broke and homeless and just spent your last dollar buying something you NEED in that store. Maybe you truly can’t afford to give. Or maybe you made a generous donation by mail.
There is no justification for trying to make such a person feel guilty about not giving. Complete strangers shouldn’t be trying to guilt you based on superficial evidence.
But just because something is “supposed to be voluntary” doesn’t mean people won’t treat you like a jerk for not doing it. Peer pressure is part of the mix. That is what is supposed to keep companies from doing absolutely anything (within the law) to make money: people won’t invest in your business because if their neighbors find out they did, they will be pariahs.
The last time I encountered a funeral was a few years ago. I was riding my bike home from work (a ride which took me about 40 minutes) along a wide sidewalk designated as a “bike route”. I was riding facing traffic, but just as I approached an intersection where I usually crossed the street (preparing to turn right a block later), there was a funeral procession coming towards me.
I thought about continuing on and crossing at a later point, which probably would have been okay since our paths would not cross. I thought about stopping at the point where I cross, but worried that might look like I was eager to cross. So I just stopped mid-block and waited for them to pass, to make it clear that I was not feeling inconvenienced by those people who were grieving their lost loved one. (Even though I was, in fact, feeling that way.)
I should mention it was pouring rain.
I had some … rain resistant attire, but it was leaky and I was getting wet, and not only was the temp in the 60s, but I had stopped exercising (which keeps me warm). I was really impatient for them to go on by, (It seemed a very long procession. I think it was a firefighter; I think I had read about the death in the paper, but hadn’t realized the burial would be at the cemetery I rode past.) But I tried very hard to not let any of that show outside.
Because when I next attend the funeral of a loved one, I don’t want to worry about how I might be inconveniencing people along the funeral route. I’ll have enough on my plate that day.