# First two chapters of Stephen King's new book available at EW **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 23, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303 "2006-01-23T20:41:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/1 "2006-01-23T20:41:48Z")
[It’s called _Cell_](http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1150884_5_0_,00.html). ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/2 "2006-01-23T20:59:38Z")
Or, to put it another way, several potentially valuable and readable pages of my Entertainment Weekly were destroyed by their being taken up by a Stephen King novel. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/3 "2006-01-23T21:01:42Z")
I have it on hold at the library, but I’m like Annie Wilkes…I just can’t wait! Thanks, **ivylass**! ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/4 "2006-01-23T21:08:25Z")
> [@Exapno Mapcase](#): > > Or, to put it another way, several potentially valuable and readable pages of my Entertainment Weekly were destroyed by their being taken up by a Stephen King novel. :mad: Since when has there _ever_been valuable and readable pages in “Entertainment Weekly?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/5 "2006-01-23T21:31:17Z")
Remember that SNL sketch that parodied Stephen King’s hypographia, churning out novels about _eeeevil_ versions of whatever common objects happened to be in his line of sight? “A lamp… …that _kills people!_” It definitely looks like he’s gone back to the same well, here. > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Stephen King** , in _Cell_: > > The peppermint-colored phone played the opening notes of that Crazy Frog tune that Johnny loved — was it called ‘‘Axel F’’? Clay couldn’t remember, perhaps because he had blocked it out. The girl to whom the phone belonged snatched it off her hip and said, ‘‘Beth?’’ She listened, smiled, then said to her companion, ‘‘It’s Beth.’’ I think he’s hit on something there that _can_ turn the bowels to water, though. This is definitely more sinister and terrifying than industrial laundry equipment, classic cars, big rigs, or even the family dog. Almost as chilling as that cymbal-smashing toy monkey. _Gaaaah!_ Cell-phone zombies! Cell-phone zombies with tacky ringtones! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/6 "2006-01-23T21:31:31Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > I have it on hold at the library, but I’m like Annie Wilkes…I just can’t wait! Thanks, **ivylass**! I haven’t gotten _Colorado Kid_ yet…have you read it? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/7 "2006-01-23T21:35:57Z")
No, I’m about to start it as an audiobook though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/8 "2006-01-23T21:35:58Z")
Hyp_er_graphia, dammit. Hypographic Stephen King. Cha, right. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/9 "2006-01-23T21:38:25Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Remember that SNL sketch that parodied Stephen King’s hypographia, churning out novels about _eeeevil_ versions of whatever common objects happened to be in his line of sight? “A lamp… …that _kills people!_” They hit on that also in _Family Guy_, when King was pitching his new book idea to his publisher. It was also a lamp. ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/10 "2006-01-23T21:53:52Z")
The first 2 chapters were quite intriguing. I have high hopes. I’m buying it tomorrow. I’m excited because, well…ZOMBIES! Stephen King zombies! I just hope my my expectations don’t exceed the reality which has been my experience with the last few of King’s books. But then again…ZOMBIES! How can you possibly go wrong with that? ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/11 "2006-01-23T22:02:03Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I haven’t gotten _Colorado Kid_ yet…have you read it? I’m not Dung Beetle, but I read it and liked it. I don’t see how it fits into the Hard Case series, but I hadn’t heard of the Hard Case series before King wrote one for them, so that’s probably why he was included – marketing. I’m looking forward to Cell too. Haven’t heard any complaints from folks who had ARCs, except for a bit of wonky science. King said he debated including any kind of explanation. Science isn’t his strong suit. ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/12 "2006-01-24T03:08:39Z")
I was just irked because he mixed up Boston Common and the Public Garden. I _know_ that ice cream truck. It is indeed often parked across from the Four Seasons. However, the Four Seasons overlooks the Public Garden, not the common. Someone who spends as much time in the Fenway/Back Bay area as Steve does should know that. It’s a minor thing, but it bothered me way more than the zombies did. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/13 "2006-01-24T03:21:28Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I haven’t gotten _Colorado Kid_ yet…have you read it? Yes. There’s no horror in it. In fact, IMO it’s really nothing but a pointless masturbatory exercise in storytelling art. Two old editors at a rural Maine newspaper tell their intern the story of a body that turned up on a beach and was, eventually, identified, but the circumstances of death never determined. A mystery is set up that is never solved. Not even a hint of a solution. Nothing but character development is really achieved. And not much of that. For all of that, it’s very readable, in spots actually gripping, until you get to the end of the last chapter and scream and tear the curtains and smash the dishes. ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/14 "2006-01-24T12:59:16Z")
> [@dinahmoe](#): > > I was just irked because he mixed up Boston Common and the Public Garden. I _know_ that ice cream truck. It is indeed often parked across from the Four Seasons. However, the Four Seasons overlooks the Public Garden, not the common. Someone who spends as much time in the Fenway/Back Bay area as Steve does should know that. It’s a minor thing, but it bothered me way more than the zombies did. Fellow nitpicker here: The business woman is first described as ewaring a “pantsuit”. A few sentences later, this turns into a “power suit”, and is later referred to again as “the lady in the power suit”. Illustration shows woman in, you guessed it, a - well, I _guess_ it could be called a “power suit”, but that’s a pretty dated term. Anyways, I thought this was pretty sloppy right off the bat, and I think King is back to his “throw another few car payments out of the word processer” mode. Less than compelling storytelling, if you ask me. What happened to his “retirement”? And for the record, his crap in EW is self-congratulatory smugness, and is the only thing in that mag that has ever provoked me into writing to the editor. I am just about done with him… ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/15 "2006-01-24T13:59:10Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Science isn’t his strong suit. He admitted as much when discussing _Firestarter_. ---
**Author:** ![Sgt.Pepper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sgt.Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sgt.Pepper)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/16 "2006-01-24T14:05:14Z")
I’m a little wary of checking this out. The last time I did that if was for _Dreamcatcher_. The first chapter was great, I loved the setting and thought the book could really go places. Then I read the enitre thing. I’ve never forgiven myself for that. So, I’m afraid of the same thing happening here. I’ll wait for the movie to come out to get the basic premise, then decide if I want to buy the book. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/17 "2006-01-24T14:05:46Z")
I love Stephen King, although when I read that, I wondered if maybe it wasn’t a spoof of his own writing style to illustrate the evil of talking on a cell phone while conducting a business transaction. Because that is indeed evil. That said, I’ll still look forward to his book, because I’ve always thought that excerpts of his novels don’t fare very well at first blush. One of his strengths, IMHO, has always been the _sweep_ of his novels, which doesn’t come across very well in just a chapter. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/18 "2006-01-24T15:44:38Z")
> [@Sgt.Pepper](#): > > I’m a little wary of checking this out. The last time I did that if was for _Dreamcatcher_. Now, now…there’s no need to bring up all that unpleasantness. Let’s just try and forget that ever happened. ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/19 "2006-01-24T16:32:37Z")
But cell phones ARE truly evil… 😉 I read the chapters in EW this week, after ordering the book. I do hope that things get better soon. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2006, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303/20 "2006-01-24T23:10:58Z")
[Here](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/283155/ref%3Dtab%5Fgw%5Fb%5F3/002-9774120-9440827) is a video of Bill Maher interviewing King. Looks like it’s the first of a series of video interviews. Cool. I’m not sure I like the way King’s wearing his hair these days. It makes his face look even longer. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-two-chapters-of-stephen-kings-new-book-available-at-ew/341303.md?page=2)