# First Words on Mars – Funny & Serious replies welcome... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 4, 2011, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145 "2011-09-04T05:49:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/121 "2011-09-09T05:32:33Z")
“Hello? Anybody here? … Okay, that answers that, back to Earth…” ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/122 "2011-09-09T08:24:13Z")
“One small step for mankind, one large step for- dammit, start over? Huh? What’s live?” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/123 "2011-09-09T10:01:16Z")
It’s a godawful small affair… ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/124 "2011-09-09T11:53:28Z")
WOO!! I am MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHERFUCK!!! ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/125 "2011-09-09T12:18:20Z")
Oh wow. This is a historic moment. I get to be the first person to…wait, is that a Starbucks? What was I thinking signing up for Big Brother Mars edition? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/126 "2011-09-09T14:16:31Z")
[an egregiously long fart] “YAHTZEE!” ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/127 "2011-09-09T14:22:21Z")
“Now to prove to Mankind what I always knew to be true in my heart, I will take off my helmet and breathe deep Mars’ life-giving air…” [takes off helmet and eyes explode] ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/128 "2011-09-09T14:23:35Z")
“Houston, we have apparently been arrested as illegal aliens.” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/129 "2011-09-09T14:36:54Z")
“Uh…Frank? I know how this is going to sound, but is it just me, or do you also hear Dueling Banjos?” ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/130 "2011-09-09T14:38:33Z")
“Somewhere on mother Earth, millions are watching a golden sunset as I stare alone at the dawn of a bright blue sunrise. And Tripods. Hundreds of Tripods! Noooo!” [vaporized] ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/131 "2011-09-09T16:12:33Z")
“Wait a minute! This isn’t Mars!” _punching fellow astronaut on the arm_ “I TOLD you that the damned map was upside down! But would you stop and ask for directions? Noooooooooooooooo… Better call Mission Control and tell them we’re gonna be late because SOMEBODY screwed up…again.” ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/132 "2011-09-09T20:45:24Z")
What do you mean my government doesn’t want to pay your government the other $63 million to get me back home Boris? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/133 "2011-09-09T20:52:04Z")
All right, STOP! Collaborate and listen… (extra points for doing the first moon walk on Mars) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/134 "2011-09-09T21:47:19Z")
I hereby claim this planet in the name of… DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2 CENTURY!!! ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/135 "2011-09-09T23:00:13Z")
Evangelical astronaut. “Oh wow, the remains of an ancient civilization. Let’s see, according to this manuscript, those who remained after the rapture decided to make a fresh start on the third planet from the sun…oh crap.” ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/136 "2011-09-10T01:33:51Z")
“AHH! Quicksand!” ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/137 "2011-09-10T01:51:28Z")
The chances of anyone coming to Mars were a million to one they said The chances of anyone coming to Mars were a million to one But still we come ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/138 "2011-09-10T02:12:34Z")
“The snipe will be along any moment now … that’s what the camp counselors told us …” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/139 "2011-09-10T02:18:21Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > The chances of anyone coming to Mars > were a million to one they said > The chances of anyone coming to Mars > were a million to one > But still we come Brilliant. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2011, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars-funny-serious-replies-welcome/595145/140 "2011-09-10T02:53:02Z")
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