# First Words on Mars **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 4, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385 "2001-05-04T20:29:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/41 "2001-05-07T14:11:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sir Rhosis \* > \*\*1. All your Mars are belong to us. > > 1. NASA, it closely resembles Edward James Olmos’ face. > > 2. Hi, Opar (OK, I’m mixing my ERB, so sue me!) > > 3. Mars ain’t no kind of place to raise your kids. In fact it’s cold as Hell. And there’s no one there to (something-the-other) if you did/died/dead. > > 4. And the trusty standby, “Take me to your leader.” > > Sir Rhosis \*\* Opar? _Opar?_ \*\* OPAR?!\*\* Jeez, I’m snorting Starbucks, here! And Elton John too – Lord, I love this board. :: tips hat to Sir Rhosis, knight of the one-liner:: ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/42 "2001-05-07T14:13:41Z")
Oh, forgot my own suggestion: “Hey, Willis, help me find my skates.” –with fond memories of R.A.H. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/43 "2001-05-07T15:05:45Z")
_sings_ "We have just discovered an important note from space - The Martians plan to throw a dance for all the human race. Ee-ee-ee, ee-ee-ee The Martian Hop!" **That** oughtta keep 'em scratching their heads for a while. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/44 "2001-05-07T16:27:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*Whoever sets foot first should let loose a stream of the 500 most obscene and offensive profanities and slurs. Now, every history and school book will have to include this “blue streak”. > > \*\* I’d like to nominate **jarbabyj** to be the first human on Mars. I’d pay for her ticket just to hear what she’d say… ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/45 "2001-05-07T20:03:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by darian00 \* > \*\*let’s try… > \*What kind of name is Barsoom anyway? (someone PLEASE get this) > \*\* John Carter was here. how about “The Illudium Q36 Space Modulator! They’ve stolen it!” ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/46 "2001-05-07T23:41:28Z")
“Klaatu barada nikto.” “Fascinating…” “My God! It’s full of stars!” “Holy crap! There’s a fifty-foot-tall three-legged machine coming from behind that rock! It’s aiming a–” _DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE_ [transmission ends] ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/47 "2001-05-08T00:39:24Z")
- “CLAAAAAAAAAARK! Get back inside the spacecraft _this second!_” - “May you always drink deep.” . . . Now that I’ve got THAT out of my system. . . - “What the hell. Canals.” - “I claim thith planet in the name of Eartthhh!” -or- “Aw, crap. The Earth’s obstructing my view of Venus.” ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/48 "2001-05-08T05:23:48Z")
“We’re on an express elevator to hell, going down!” ---
**Author:** ![Johnwcowan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@Johnwcowan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnwcowan)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/49 "2025-12-17T17:54:32Z")
“One-one-two, yes! Two-two-four, no! “ “Tweel was right: Mercury _isn’t_ visible. “ ---
**Author:** ![X.L.Lent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a5b964/32.png) [@X.L.Lent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X.L.Lent)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/50 "2025-12-17T19:50:37Z")
Elton John was right. ---
**Author:** ![X.L.Lent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a5b964/32.png) [@X.L.Lent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X.L.Lent)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/51 "2025-12-17T19:59:42Z")
Landing craft on surface of Mars to Earth: “Um, Houston, we are now aligned with Jupiter.” Earth to Mars landing craft: “Confirming Jupiter alignment with Mars. Initiating following procedures: peace guiding the planets, love steering the stars, age of Aquarius dawning.” ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/52 "2025-12-17T20:00:56Z")
I can’t even begin to guess. But, at this point, I expect they will be in Chinese. ---
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/53 "2025-12-17T20:04:57Z")
“Mars? WTF? I knew we took a wrong turn back at Poughkeepsie!” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/54 "2025-12-17T20:06:18Z")
“This is the Mars Lander reporting a safe touchdown. We are offloading the Elon Musk Containment Cube and will commence our return voyage shortly upon completion.” ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/55 "2025-12-17T20:50:48Z")
Mars is A MAZ ing!! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/56 "2025-12-17T20:54:28Z")
“Mars?? I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque!” ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2025, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/57 "2025-12-17T21:09:45Z")
“Out of detent. Auto.” ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2025, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/58 "2025-12-20T19:25:25Z")
Zombieeees!!! ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2025, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/59 "2025-12-20T21:10:50Z")
[![](https://i.ibb.co/kg7QsG7d/Mars.jpg) ](https://i.ibb.co/kg7QsG7d/Mars.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385/60 "2025-12-21T16:48:10Z")
There is life on Mars. And it’s us. — credit to Bradbury, I think. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/first-words-on-mars/64385.md?page=4)