# Fit mom posts Facebook pic along with her 3 kids asking 'What's your excuse?' - Firestorm ensues **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2013, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010 "2013-10-23T04:47:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/241 "2013-10-27T04:32:54Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > To me that piece reads like a satire on bad excuses. Six of the reasons she gives for being overweight are “it’s someone else’s fault”: her church, her father, her boyfriend, even her social class and the fact that she doesn’t take drugs is blamed; everybody else except her is responsible for how she chooses to live her life. It’s the complete abdication of responsibility for continuing to make bad choices. Obligatory onion: [http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wish-someone-would-do-something-about-how-fat-i,11146/](http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wish-someone-would-do-something-about-how-fat-i,11146/) ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/242 "2013-10-27T06:21:55Z")
> [@Kable](#): > > Obligatory onion: > > [http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wish-someone-would-do-something-about-how-fat-i,11146/](http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wish-someone-would-do-something-about-how-fat-i,11146/) Seriously, I’m fat because I had to go to church? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/243 "2013-10-27T14:08:35Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/244 "2013-10-27T14:28:44Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I think a bunch of you are missing the real impact of the picture. There are lots of women out there who are reasonably healthy and fit who don’t have nearly the figure or 6-pack abs that Ms. Kang do, and this photo and caption doesn’t make any distinction between them and some 400 lb waddling mu-mu wearing person. > > It paints EVERYONE who’s not basically a fitness model as lazy and slothful, not just the obese and/or non-physically fit. > > And that’s what’s pissing people off. It takes a LOT of commitment and time to look like she does, and many (most?) people resent being told that they’re lazy and worthless because they don’t put the same priority on looking hot as a professional fitness model and trainer does. Project much? I don’t see anything anywhere about being “lazy,” “slothful,” or “worthless” in the image. Nor do I see anything at all about 400 lb mumu-weearers. I don’t even see anything about being hot besides that fact that she happens to be hot. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/245 "2013-10-27T14:46:13Z")
Having discussed (near to arguing) with my wife about this, I now think differently about the image than I did before. I argued that it was denigrating, she argued that it was encouraging. After a while, I realized how people can have such different reactions to this. There are two main factors. For one thing, people just react differently to the phrase “what’s your excuse?” When my wife (and many others) hears this, she feels motivated. She feels like she’s being challenged, and she’s determined to live up to the challenge. But when I (and many others) hear that phrase, we feel put-down, discouraged. My wife and I simply have different assumptions about what the speaker is _trying to do_ when they say “what’s your excuse.” She assumes they’re benevolently challenging her. I assume they’re viciously attacking me. For another thing (and this probably has some interaction with which side one ends up in the above-described distinction), reactions will depend on the context in which one discovered (or imagines discovering) this image. If I see it first on the internet unbidden as a result of having clicked on some link looking for pop culture news, I might interpret it as an uninvited challenge. And that’s an attack. But if I see it first on a fitness-oriented website, where readers come for inspiration and advice for keeping fit, and understand the image to be intended for _that_ audience, I might not see it as so offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/246 "2013-10-27T14:48:10Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > But does it really paint everyone as lazy and slothful? To me, in most contexts, “what’s your excuse” is just a rhetorical way of saying “you don’t have an excuse.” But what does it mean to say “you don’t have an excuse for not doing the kind of exercise I do?” I don’t see a way out of interpreting that to imply that I’m lazy. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/247 "2013-10-27T14:49:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Nor do I see anything at all about 400 lb mumu-weearers. I don’t even see anything about being hot besides that fact that she happens to be hot. :dubious: Also, I don’t see anything about being fit besides the fact that she happens to be fit. Also, I don’t see anything about having three kids, besides the fact that she happens to have three kids. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/248 "2013-10-27T14:56:49Z")
> [@Kable](#): > > I’m not sure exactly who you are talking about. So are the women I linked in post #218 and #220 bitchy? I’d never call a woman bitchy, but to answer the substance of your question, my immediate reaction to all three images involves a feeling that I’m being unfairly attacked. (This feeling is intermixed, in all three cases, with a feeling of happiness for the subjects of the photos. And _that_ feeling is intermixed, in Kang’s case, with a bit of _very possibly unfair_ doubt that it was that hard for her. I mention this latter because I don’t want to pretend my reactions to the three photos are identical. But it is important to note that I _do_ immediately feel unfairly attacked by all three photo/captions.) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/249 "2013-10-27T15:15:35Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > To me, in most contexts, “what’s your excuse” is just a rhetorical way of saying “you don’t have an excuse.” But what does it mean to say “you don’t have an excuse for not doing the kind of exercise I do?” I don’t see a way out of interpreting that to imply that I’m lazy. Let’s say she is implying this. Hell, if she’s anything like the fitness freaks I’ve encountered, it’s pretty safe to assume she believes this. So what? Do you think you are lazy and slothful? If you think you are, then she’s not saying anything new…because there are tons of other messages out there implying similar stuff. If you don’t thnk you’re lazy and slothful, then her “What’s your excuse?” bit should wash right over you. There comes a point where, as a consumer of information, you have to know who you are and let this knowledge be your shield. Just write her off as an idiot like I do **brazil** and **Chief Pedant** whenever they imply I’m an idiot simply for being black. Taking it personally is exactly what she wants you to do, right? Don’t take the bait. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/250 "2013-10-27T15:29:50Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > :dubious: > > Also, I don’t see anything about being fit besides the fact that she happens to be fit. > > Also, I don’t see anything about having three kids, besides the fact that she happens to have three kids. She is wearing workout clothes, using a popular fitness meme, and advertising a personal training company. She is clearly addressing fitness. If you substituted a sturdy, unattractive, muscular lady, the image would carry the same meaning. ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/251 "2013-10-27T15:37:19Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > So what? Do you think you are lazy and slothful? If you think you are, then she’s not saying anything new…because there are tons of other messages out there implying similar stuff. If you don’t thnk you’re lazy and slothful, then her “What’s your excuse?” bit should wash right over you. There comes a point where, as a consumer of information, you have to know who you are and let this knowledge be your shield. Speaking for myself, I don’t normally think I am lazy and slothful. Seeing the picture however, does make me feel like I am lazy and slothful, because hey, I work out, I have plenty of free time and I still don’t look like that. I have no excuse. Now, this feeling is temporary and I manage to shake it off. But saying that it should just wash over me implies that there is something (else) wrong with me. There’s not. It’s just a momentary reaction. I am not about to go writing a long blog post about all the reasons I don’t look like her. I don’t need to. But there seems to be an undercurrent in this thread that implies that if you are self confident, then nothing should ever bother you, no matter how fleeting. I don’t think it works that way. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/252 "2013-10-27T15:46:04Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Let’s say she is implying this. Hell, if she’s anything like the fitness freaks I’ve encountered, it’s pretty safe to assume she believes this. > > So what? Do you think you are lazy and slothful? If you think you are, then she’s not saying anything new…because there are tons of other messages out there implying similar stuff. If you don’t thnk you’re lazy and slothful, then her “What’s your excuse?” bit should wash right over you. There comes a point where, as a consumer of information, you have to know who you are and let this knowledge be your shield. > > Just write her off as an idiot like I do **brazil** and **Chief Pedant** whenever they imply I’m an idiot simply for being black. Taking it personally is exactly what she wants you to do, right? Don’t take the bait. I don’t take it personally, I’m offering part of the information which I think explains why some people do take it personally. Everybody’s going to have a different explanation for such a reaction, but a couple that don’t involve literally acting as though she were personally speaking to that person while they were trapped in a room with her would be: \*Use of this image as a proxy for larger cultural issues \*Responding to the person who forwarded the message to them, using her as a proxy for that person ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/253 "2013-10-27T16:07:08Z")
The longer this thread gets, the more obvious it becomes that it’s not the message, nor the messenger, but the receiver that is to blame for any perceived insult. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/254 "2013-10-27T16:11:19Z")
> [@Skara\_Brae](#): > > Speaking for myself, I don’t normally think I am lazy and slothful. Seeing the picture however, does make me feel like I am lazy and slothful, because hey, I work out, I have plenty of free time and I still don’t look like that. I have no excuse. > > Now, this feeling is temporary and I manage to shake it off. But saying that it should just wash over me implies that there is something (else) wrong with me. There’s not. It’s just a momentary reaction. I am not about to go writing a long blog post about all the reasons I don’t look like her. I don’t need to. > > But there seems to be an undercurrent in this thread that implies that if you are self confident, then nothing should ever bother you, no matter how fleeting. I don’t think it works that way. I hear what you are saying. Like I said before, I’m not going to bash people for expressing their feelings. And I don’t like her combative approach either. I am also not self-confident. I’m not coming at this as someone who’s got her shit together and is demanding everyone be the same way. I know exactly how it feels to feel crappy because of something someone has unintentionally/intentionally said. I also know how it feels to feel crappy because a self-actualized person says I shouldn’t feel that way. I hope I’m not coming across like this. I’m just saying that she isn’t making you feel anything. Just like when I’m at a party and everyone’s talking about their lovely children and SO’s and “normal” lives…they aren’t making me feel bad about my unconventional life. I’m not choosing to feel bad, no. But nonetheless I am the one responsible for how I’m internalizing their comments and questions. It’s up to me, not them, to come up with a ego-protective response. It’s up to me to not let them get into my head. The truth is that the “What’s your excuse?” meme isn’t going away anytime soon. Pretty lithe white girls on magazines aren’t going away anytime soon either. Maybe when women stop allowing random images to “speak to them” so personally, that’s when they will go away. I don’t know. But I don’t think we’re so helpless that we can never train ourselves to just click off a stupid Facebook page and not give it another moment’s thought. I do think it’s possible to desensitize oneself. It’s not easy, but it is possible. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/255 "2013-10-27T16:13:00Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > The longer this thread gets, the more obvious it becomes that it’s not the message, nor the messenger, but the receiver that is to blame for any perceived insult. I’ve said it a few times up thread but the word ‘infer’ comes in real handy in these situations as in “She didn’t say (or even imply) that, you inferred it”. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/256 "2013-10-27T18:16:28Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > The longer this thread gets, the more obvious it becomes that it’s not the message, nor the messenger, but the receiver that is to blame for any perceived insult. Yup. This is one thing that continues to irk me: > [@Waenara](#): > > She has repeatedly said that her goal is to be a “hot mom” and to be physically attractive when she’s 60 - only paying lip service to actual health. This is what she actually said: [QUOTE=Maria Kang’s actual words, and not someone’s butthurt interpretation] My goal is to be 60 one day – in the best shape of my life – with my three grown sons, taking a midriff-baring photo with “What’s Your Excuse” on top. [/QUOTE] Anyone who can read can see the two quotes are drastically different. Her actual words express desire to continue being in shape --not pretty-- well after she’s young, a worthy goal, I reckon. And here’s more of what she’s been saying, which echoes what the non-haters have been saying here for 6 pages: [QUOTE=Maria Kang her-freaking-self] “What’s your Excuse?” was created for readers of my Facebook fanpage. I’ve had an online following since 2005, so I was very used to ‘putting myself out there’. I thought the caption was fitting since I often saw posters of grandmothers running in marathons, paraplegics competing in the Olympics and even a father performing a pull up with three kids in tow – all with the same caption: “What’s your Excuse?” I felt that if others can overcome incredible challenges to be in shape, why would my story be any different? [/QUOTE] Whatever, I’m done with The Fatvocacy. I’m going to go ride my bike now. Yes, I am fat-shaming by bringing that up. Although I think it only counts as fat-shaming if the person is pretty…? I dunno, I’m pretty confused about the rules, but I am certain that I’m going for a ride now. Later. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/257 "2013-10-28T16:37:14Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I don’t like “What’s your excuse” either. I don’t like the competitive spirit that’s associated with it, nor the brag-casting disguised as inspirational testimony. > > But does it really paint everyone as lazy and slothful? I personally don’t care; as a fat 41 year old, my first thoughts were “She’s hot… I wonder if her boobs sag without that top.”, so I wasn’t particularly bothered by it at all. Clearly people with a healthy body image and self esteem don’t get particularly bothered about it, but the issue is ultimately that the photo shows something akin to perfection and then questions why most people don’t look like that as if they are making excuses for not being as fit as her. I can totally understand why a lot of people with lesser body images or self esteem might take that the wrong way and get angry about it. I’m guessing probably 80% low self esteem/bad body image and 20% sour grapes/envy. I think if she’d been really fat and had lost weight and wasn’t quite so perfect with the chiseled abs, there wouldn’t have been nearly the backlash- she’d have been something that people could identify with, as opposed to being someone who most women, especially post-pregnancy do NOT identify with. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/258 "2013-10-28T21:18:50Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I’ve seen “What’s your excuse?” used in advertising and self-promotion before, and it always generates the same negative feeling in me. I mean, good for the blind and deaf double-amputee who climbs Mount Everest on the weekends and tutors inner-city schoolchildren. But inspirational stories speak for themselves. Adding the “What’s your excuse?” stuff naturally provokes feelings of defensiveness and guilt/shame. I haven’t read the entire thread yet. I will after this post. I just wanted to respond to this part before I forget… Here’s the thing. How you take “What’s your excuse?” is entirely up to you. There isn’t really anything inherently offensive about it. I like to watch those shows where people get a trainer and lose a bunch of weight. One thing I’m always interested in is the motivational speech. A lot of people seem to need “You can do it! Good job! Keep it up!” I am completely the opposite. I feel like people are talking down to me when I hear things like that. I know what I can do and what I can’t do. I know if I’m doing a good job, or if I’m phoning it in. I don’t want to listen to that crap. I need to hear “Try to suck less! My mother could beat you at this!” to get me to push harder. It’s just how people are wired. I respond to one thing, you respond to something else. I know I could lose some weight. I know if I made it a priority I could do it. If I were trying to get fired up about it, “What’s your excuse?” would be a great motivator for me. “You can do it!” would drive me nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/259 "2013-10-28T21:27:22Z")
> [@Kable](#): > > So this women is bitchy too right? [http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MoUkX6boUdE/UC1d1gG-zII/AAAAAAAAHS0/GSaI6MyMCqY/s1600/Excuse.jpg](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MoUkX6boUdE/UC1d1gG-zII/AAAAAAAAHS0/GSaI6MyMCqY/s1600/Excuse.jpg) > > OK, so this guy is bitchy then? [http://www.cascadecrossfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/josh-s.jpg](http://www.cascadecrossfit.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/josh-s.jpg) Were you dropped on the head as a child or something? Nowhere in his/her post did **Waenara** use the word ‘bitchy’ and I defy you to point out where they did. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010/260 "2013-10-29T00:55:09Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Were you dropped on the head as a child or something? Nowhere in his/her post did **Waenara** use the word ‘bitchy’ and I defy you to point out where they did. Not sure about Waenara but I got the “bitchy” term from CanvasShoes, however if I go back to page 1 of this thread I see 3 others called her “bitchy” before she did, so as you clearly see, I was just using one of the favorite terms coming from the haters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fit-mom-posts-facebook-pic-along-with-her-3-kids-asking-whats-your-excuse-firestorm-ensues/672010.md?page=14)