# Five Word Movie Reviews **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210 "2013-05-24T12:23:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/1 "2013-05-24T12:23:53Z")
I had a little insomnia the past couple nights (the kind where you wake up at 2 am and can’t fall back asleep for hours), and to occupy my brain while I was lying awake I came up with this little game. Googling shows there are a few sites out there that do this (one’s even “Four word movie reviews”), so it’s not original, but I thought it would still be fun to see what you creative dopers come up with. Rules are simple-- five words, compound words (ex: lightsaber) count as one word, but not hyphenated word pairs (I was going to use “plot-twist” as one word, decided that was cheating). Here are a few I came up with in the middle of the night. A couple are spoilerish, but none are too new, other than “Oblivion”-- having two little kids we don’t get out much. Some are more synopsis than review, but hey, I was only half awake. I bet you guys’ll come up with better ones! Feel free to improve on movies I already did if you like. **Oblivion** Very attractive movie, nobody home. OR Way too much Tom Cruise. **The Godfather** Italian immigrant achieves American dream. **Star Wars Ep. IV, A New Hope** Good versus evil, plus lightsabers. OR Should still be episode I. **Looper** Hey, you’re me! Stand still. **The Dark Knight Rises** Bane blathers, breaks Batman’s back. **After.Life** You’re not really dead, stupid. **The Sixth Sense** You’re really, actually dead, stupid. M. Night Shayamalan movies are good for this– **Signs** Invading aliens? Just add water. **The Village** Blind girl fetches medicine? Really? OR Monsters? Olden times? Not really. OR You’ll guess both plot twists. \*\* The Happening\*\* Attack of the oppressed vegetation. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/2 "2013-05-24T12:32:50Z")
**The Wizard of Oz** Girl kills once, then again. **Blade Runner** Man kills once, then again. **Sound of Music** Maria gets her problem solved. **King Kong** Big ape meets Big Apple. **Pirates of the Caribbean: The Black Pearl** Why is the rum gone? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Ed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Just\_Ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Ed)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/3 "2013-05-24T13:49:23Z")
**Star Trek: Into Darkness** Fandom seethes over villain’s reveal. **The Terminator** Computers try to destroy humanity. **The Matrix** Computers try to destroy humanity. **Apollo 13** Moonshot disaster averted; heroes return. **28 Days Later** Rage virus creates living zombies. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/4 "2013-05-24T14:39:16Z")
**The Big Lebowski** Mistaken Identity. The Dude Abides. \*\* Saving Private Ryan\*\* They go save Private Ryan **Mars Attacks** Jack Mugs While Aliens Plunder **Snakes on a Plane** Its exactly what it says ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/5 "2013-05-24T15:40:33Z")
**The Great Gatsby** Impressing your ex-girlfriend: overdoing it. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/6 "2013-05-24T15:44:54Z")
**My Cousin Vinny** Italian American defends two yutes. **Rounders** Two poker players, one cheats. **Shakespeare in Love** Elizabethan-era awesome romantic comedy. **Dogma** Quasi-religious Kevin Smith flick. ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/7 "2013-05-24T16:20:23Z")
**Free Enterprise** Two nerds meet William Shatner. **Prometheus** Go watch _Alien_ again instead. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/8 "2013-05-24T16:26:31Z")
**Les Mis** (the 2012 musical) Great potential, but Russell sings. **Django Unchained** _Pulp Fiction_ meets _Mandingo_ & Wagner. **Life of Pi** Good kitty! If you’re there. **Star Trek: Into the Darkness** Cumberbatch’s identity poorly kept secret. Baz Luhrmann’s **The Great Gatsby** Shot in 3D and West-Egg. **Lord of the Rings** Rural gay midgets return jewelry. **Game of Thrones** Renaissance Faire with more nudity. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/9 "2013-05-24T16:30:12Z")
**Superman** How he came to be **Superman 2** How he kicked Zod’s ass **Superman 3** Ditched Lois for Lana Lang **Superman 4** The franchise falls down dead **Superman Returns** Superman is a new daddy **Man of Steel** We’ll have to find out ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/10 "2013-05-24T16:40:27Z")
I did a bunch of these on another board. These are fun. **Independence Day** Smith talks sass, punches Alien. **The Wrestler** Old grappler has bum ticker. **Space Jam** Crazy critters recruit ball player. **Star Wars** Farm boy takes hero’s journey. **Jackass** Idiots do tricks, hurt selves. **UHF** Imaginitive slacker inherits TV station. **Brian’s Song** Fullback dies, his bud cries. **Firefly** Crazy waif hears space zombies. or Outlaws ferry doctor and sister. **The Last Unicorn** Horned equus battles firey bovinae. **Lost in Space** Jerkass doctor becomes space spider. **Liota** Frank Langella shows his wang. or Dirty teen seduces stuffy prof. **Batman** Clownish freak attempts poisoning city. **It’s a Wonderful Life** Town’s better when guy’s alive **Goodfellas** Cokehead squeals on his buds. **Social Network** Smarmy jerk invents internet phenom. **Some Like it Hot** Crossdressing musicians hide from mob. **Repo Man** Punk, mechanic ride time machine or Lobotomized scientist hides glowing thing **My Fair Lady** Bluebloods wager on woman’s life Or Phoneticist addresses East Ender’s voice. Or Flower lady enjoys swanky ball. Or Mouthy broad yaps at horsetrack. Or Woman improves accent through song. \*\*Abraham Lincoln; Vampire Hunter \*\* Bearded statesman battles undead evil **the Fox and the Hound** Wild canidae befriends domesticated contemporary. **Finding Nemo** Widower, crazy woman save son **The Running Man** Chopper pilot fights light man. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/11 "2013-05-24T16:41:23Z")
Stephen Spielberg’s **Lincoln** Daniel Day Lewis a god. ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/12 "2013-05-24T17:43:25Z")
Some oldies: **The treasure of Sierra Madre** Crazy Old Coot with Boggie **Citizen Kane** Really. A friggin’ sled. Really? **Any of several cheap, 1950’s B movies** Giant mutant something wrecks havoc ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/13 "2013-05-24T18:00:45Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **Lord of the Rings** > Rural gay midgets return jewelry. 10/10 ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/14 "2013-05-24T19:11:13Z")
**Holes** Miscreants dig to “build character” or Kids eat onions in desert **Iron Sky** Space Nazis make brother Aryan. **True Romance** Lonely geek, hooker, sell coke. or Ghostly Elvis guides hero’s actions. **Captain America** Knickerbocker fights madman on plane. or Hero stops bad guy’s MacGuffin. or Super patriot beats super Nazi. or Dude with shield punches skull. **Simpsons the Movie** Oaf dumps poo in lake or Crappy city gets a dome. **Blazing Saddles** Cowboys eat beans and fart **Electric Horseman** Rhinestone cowboy hocks a cereal **PCU** Mischievous frat has successful kegger. or Slobs defeat politically correct opponents. or Happy Hogan dozes, gets keg. **Commando** Dude kills everyone, saves daughter **The Raid** Hero storms criminals apartment complex. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/15 "2013-05-24T19:27:08Z")
**Titanic** Girl goes “flying”, ship sinks **Flash Gordon** Eat hot photons, laser-breath! **Up!** Old guy finds new love **Twister** Hey, look! We got COWS! **Fatal Attraction** Hot affair; bunny gets boiled ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/16 "2013-05-24T19:28:24Z")
**Forbidden Planet** Id Id Id Id Id. **Robinson Crusoe on Mars** Astronaut’s monkey finds hot dogs. **Escape From Alcatraz** Yellow flowers piss off warden. **High Plains Drifter** Ethereal town holds red picnic. **Psycho** There’s money in the trunk! **Alien** Face hugger ruins their breakfast. **Aliens** Marines get their asses kicked. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/17 "2013-05-24T20:04:47Z")
I knew there’d be lots of good ones! Looking forward to seeing what more are added when I get back from a Memorial Weekend camping trip. May have a few more of my own to add, since I don’t sleep well when camping… ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/18 "2013-05-25T17:36:56Z")
**Village of the Damned** Alien spawn see brick wall. **Five Million Years to Earth** Subway workers find bug films. **To Kill A Mockingbird** Adicus shoots dog, loses case. **Family Plot** Giant diamond hidden in chandelier. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/19 "2013-05-25T17:48:05Z")
> [@solost](#): > > **The Godfather** > Italian immigrant achieves American dream. **Scarface** Cuban immigrant achieves American dream But maybe it’s more appropriate to say: Cuban immigrant attempts American dream ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/20 "2013-05-25T18:37:05Z")
Good game - we’ve done it here before. Some of my favorite movies to start: \*\*Breaker Morant \*\*Three Australian soldiers get railroaded. \*\*Dark City \*\*Man wakes, discovers city’s secrets. \*\*The Incredibles \*\*Superhero family saves city, selves. \*\*Pride & Prejudice \*\*Love always finds a way. \*\*Raiders of the Lost Ark \*\*Resourceful academic fights Nazis, wins. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210.md?page=2)