# Five Word Movie Reviews **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210 "2013-05-24T12:23:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/21 "2013-05-25T20:15:06Z")
**Eraserhead** : Babies are evil, ugly, bad. **The Shining** : Hotel layout MAKES NO SENSE! **The Rocky Horror Picture Show** : Drag queens are really EVIL!!! **Mommy Dearest** : Joan Crawford was a BITCH!!! **Batman** (either Tim Burton one): Contrived wackiness substitutes for plot. **Batman** (Joel Schumacher one): Latex Bat nipples - 'nuff said. **Any movie starring Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider or David Spade** It sucks; don’t bother watching. ---
**Author:** ![Renifer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@Renifer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renifer)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/22 "2013-05-26T00:11:16Z")
Rear Window Don’t kill! Crippled man watching The Birds They join together and attack Children of Men First child catalyst of revolution Jurassic Park Bad idea but looks awesome The Great and Powerful Oz Savior is full of s\*\*t 2012 Just watch for special effects The Day After Tomorrow That’s not how global warming works. (Counting “global warming” as one word.) Titanic Ship sinks. Who cares. Leo! Pulse Guilt over cell phone usage Scream Serial killers who like pranks Watchmen Complex conundrums of superheroes’ lives. ---
**Author:** ![eburacum45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eburacum45/32/8690_2.png) [@eburacum45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eburacum45)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/23 "2013-05-26T01:34:41Z")
**2001** Black slab inspires space odyssey **North by Northwest** Adman climbs up Washington’s nose ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/24 "2013-05-26T01:49:55Z")
**Star Trek: Into the Darkness** plot point spoilered in 5 word review: The Wrath of Khan, again ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/25 "2013-05-26T01:58:23Z")
> [@solost](#): > > **The Godfather** > Italian immigrant achieves American dream. **The Godfather Part II** What happened before and after ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/26 "2013-05-26T02:00:23Z")
> [@campp](#): > > **Forbidden Planet** Id Id Id Id Id. > > [ Monsters from the ID, OMG! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/27 "2013-05-26T04:35:38Z")
**Toy Story** Wary sheriff makes new friend **Toy Story 2** Woody kidnapped; pals rescue him **Toy Story 3** Daycare toys’ lives not easy ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/28 "2013-05-26T17:44:40Z")
**The Road** Just kill me now. Popcorn!!! **Lost in Translation** Couldn’t envision a final scene. **Rent** Get jobs hippies! Nice songs. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/29 "2013-05-26T18:04:45Z")
**Jesus Christ Superstar** : Bearded man persecuted, gets cross. **Silence of the Lambs** : Doctor invites others for dinner. **Mary Poppins** : Dominatrix abuses children with umbrella. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/30 "2013-05-26T20:01:01Z")
**The Hobbit: There And Back Again** Should’ve been only one movie. **The Impossible** HOLY SHIT IT’S A TSUNAMI! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/31 "2013-05-26T20:47:01Z")
**Armageddon** : Morons make mincemeat of meteor ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/32 "2013-05-26T21:27:46Z")
**Hancock** Is this a superhero movie? **Shrek** Surprise! Ogres are beautiful too! **The Lion King** Kimba actually did it first **Snow White and the Seven Dwarves** Girl obtains vertically challenge harem ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/33 "2013-05-26T21:53:14Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **Lord of the Rings** > Rural gay midgets return jewelry. Funniest thing on the internet! 😃 > [@Chefguy](#): > > **Mary Poppins** : Dominatrix abuses children with umbrella. And this a close second. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/34 "2013-05-27T00:02:48Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > And this a close second. 😉 My initial thought was “Dick Van Dyke must die”. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/35 "2013-05-27T04:19:13Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > My initial thought was “Dick Van Dyke must die”. My five-word review would be, “Worst British accent until Costner.” ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/36 "2013-05-27T05:44:50Z")
This thread: Summaries, not reviews. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/37 "2013-05-27T14:22:17Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > This thread: > Summaries, not reviews. Killjoy. ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/38 "2013-05-27T15:40:12Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **Lord of the Rings** > Rural gay midgets return jewelry. I had heard it as: Gay midgets return stolen jewelry. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2014, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/39 "2014-01-29T00:15:40Z")
Bumping with some more movies I’ve seen recently: _Man of Steel_ Reboot is 'way too long. _Limitless_ Pill changes man’s life forever. _Silk_ Tedious movie, but Keira’s lovely. _Oblivion_ Cruise’s character is badly misled. _A Serious Man_ Coen Bros. retell Job’s travails. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2014, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/40 "2014-01-29T02:35:24Z")
Heh…I saw the title-- “Five word movie reviews”. Hmmm, sounds familiar…:smack: I think this is my first revived zombie thread (if less than a year old counts). Yay! Thanks, EH. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210.md?page=3)