# Five Word Movie Reviews **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 24, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210 "2013-05-24T12:23:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/61 "2014-01-30T14:21:24Z")
_Parkland_ Tragedy disrupts lives in Dallas. _Glory_ Black troops die but win. _Gone with the Wind_ Sweeping, epic Lost Cause propaganda. _The Avengers_ See me in Stuttgart scene! _Lost in Translation_ Star, girl chill in Tokyo. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/62 "2014-01-30T15:45:52Z")
**THE guns of Navarrone** Blowing up big German guns. **Kelly’s Heroes** Bank robbery with Sherman tanks. **The Dirty Dozen** Everyone but three bite it. **A Bridge Too Far** It really is too far. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/63 "2014-01-30T16:24:12Z")
**Spaceballs** Villains conspire to steal air. **Bad News Bears** Drunk pool cleaner coaches losers. **Logan’s Run** Crystal handed man escapes death **True Grit** Girl, old drunk hunt killer or Dude hired to hunt killer. **Scrooged** Ghost beats up cynical executive. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/64 "2014-01-30T16:39:21Z")
_The Big Lebowski_ The Dude clearly abides, man. _The Man Who Wasn’t There_ Barber stars in boring film. _Intolerable Cruelty_ Divorce lawyer meets his match. _Raising Arizona_ White trash kidnap rich baby. _No Country for Old Men_ Weird killer can’t be stopped. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/65 "2014-01-30T16:43:28Z")
**Modern Times** Chaplin’s stuck in the machine **Forbidden Planet** Is that Id or Libido? **Barbarella** Jane Fonda barely wears clothes. **Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters** Evil witches get their comeuppance. **Van Helsing** Frankenstein’s monster gets a friend. **Constantine** They mispronounce his name throughout. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/66 "2014-01-30T18:46:45Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > :: psst :: > > That’s four words. Or are you just living up to your username? 😉 I know it’s four. The pun is about another story that featured driving: The Wages of Fear. The film’s name: Sorcerer. In one story, the truck is full of explosives, in the other, beer. Takes a little work to get there, but the payoff is nice, imho. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/67 "2014-01-30T19:14:44Z")
Uh… OK! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/68 "2014-01-30T20:40:02Z")
😛 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/69 "2014-01-31T00:00:53Z")
**The Great Gatsby** Leo was the perfect choice. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/70 "2014-01-31T02:00:47Z")
[Hours](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2094018/?ref_=nv_sr_1): Katrina and The Waves ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/71 "2014-01-31T02:59:31Z")
_High and Low_ Japanese cops search for kidnapper. _Die Hard_ This is a Christmas movie?!? _Appaloosa_ Lawmen clean up Western town. _Django Unchained_ Violent, fun, but utterly ahistorical. _Se7en_ "Sin"fulness perversely punished by madman. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/72 "2014-02-01T13:02:07Z")
**Let The Right One In** I Let the right one ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/73 "2014-02-01T14:18:22Z")
District 9: Jesus Christ this movie sucks! ---
**Author:** ![Roundabout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dec6dc/32.png) [@Roundabout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roundabout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/74 "2014-02-01T15:27:58Z")
**The Dark Knight** Heath Ledger steals the show. **Superman** The standard for superhero blockbusters **City of God** Brazil’s best movie, hands down. **The Empire Strikes Back** _Spoiler Alert_ is Luke’s father **Return of the Jedi** Jedi Luke? Yes. Ewoks? No. **Rocky III** Eighties homoerotica at it’s finest. \*\* Batman and Robin \*\* Nineties homoerotica at it’s worst **Robocop** NEVER NEEDED A REMAKE…PERIOD. \*\* True Lies\*\* Underrated to say the least. **Speed** Surprise hit from a cinematographer. \*\* Terminator 2: Judgement Day\*\* Greatest action movie ever made. \*\* The Birth of a Nation\*\* Incredibly racist, though well directed. \*\* Marnie \*\* Misogynistic tripe, though well directed. \*\* Malcolm X\*\* Spike Lee’s last great film. \*\* Inside Man \*\* Spike Lee’s last good film. \*\* Face/Off \*\* Impersonations are so much fun. \*\* TRON \*\* Truly one of a kind. \*\* Showgirls \*\* Funniest sex scenes ever filmed. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2014, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/75 "2014-02-01T20:29:39Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > This thread: > Summaries, not reviews. I thought I was the only one to notice. > [@Reeses\_Monkey](#): > > My all-time favorite was a 3 word review: > **Titanic** > Icy dead people That is brilliant. My favorite is a two-word review for **The Lone Ranger** by the LA Times: “Uh-Oh, Silver!” ---
**Author:** ![Osiris\_the\_1st](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9de0a6/32.png) [@Osiris\_the\_1st](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osiris_the_1st)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/76 "2014-09-12T19:36:22Z")
**Robot and Frank** Why is Liv Tyler here? ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/77 "2014-09-15T16:45:25Z")
Some of these are synopses, not reviews, but the following was an actual published review by the legendary James Agee, here in its entirety. **You Were Meant For Me** : That’s what you think. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfyre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfyre/32/9972_2.png) [@Shadowfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfyre)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/78 "2014-09-15T18:39:52Z")
**All is Lost** Not recommended for blind people. OR Recommended for the hearing impaired. ---
**Author:** ![tullsterx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tullsterx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tullsterx)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/79 "2014-09-15T20:28:35Z")
Jurassic Park People running from resurrected dinosaurs The Lost World People running from dinosaurs again Jurassic Park 3 People running from new dinosaurs ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210/80 "2014-09-16T01:54:57Z")
> [@tullsterx](#): > > Jurassic Park > People running from resurrected dinosaurs > > The Lost World > People running from dinosaurs again > > Jurassic Park 3 > People running from new dinosaurs Jurassic World: 20 years later, more dinosaurs! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/five-word-movie-reviews/659210.md?page=3)