# Flame Me, Will You! I LAUGH! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 31, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708 "2002-10-31T15:00:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/1 "2002-10-31T15:00:44Z")
Of course the OP would disappear. Of course. I was a fool to expect anything else. _Sigh._ Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/2 "2002-10-31T15:09:02Z")
Ha ha! Your petty insults rebound harmlessly from the seamless armor of my self-congratulation. I snicker at your flames, and your foulest obscenities raise no more than a sneer. Serene in my self-conscious serenity, I arrogantly dismiss you. Your well-reasoned posts I ignore, and I scroll past your cites without even clicking. The most crushing of your refutations raise not even a ripple in the limpid pool of my egotism. I have no pleasure in your pile-ons, and your “Ask the Guy Who Likes to Have Sex With Beanie Babies” threads I disregard. I am **Shodan**. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair. _For I have a thousand posts._ Yes it’s true. I have gone orders of magnitude beyond the contemptible, worm-like status of the newbie. I am master of the in-joke, the “Hi, Opal!”, the hijack and the nitpick. I attack the smallest spelling error without mercy, and I warm my arse at the bonfires of the straw men. My tags are always closed. My posts always use paragraphs, and the caps key on my PC is unlocked. Bandwidth is of no concern to me, and the servers tremble at my approach. Electrons leap to do my bidding, and I have made the hamsters my bitches. **Ia, Shodan-Niggurath! Black Goat of a Thousand Posts!** Regards, Shodan I hope that’s OK with you. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/3 "2002-10-31T15:22:19Z")
> [@](#): > > Bandwidth is of no concern to me, and the servers tremble at my approach. Well, _that_ is certainly true. - ::: g, d, & r ::: \* (What _is_ it with these newbies celebrating having posted a couple of times?) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/4 "2002-10-31T15:46:15Z")
That’s wonderful, Shodan! Here, I’ve made you some cookies. A couple of beauty queens are coming over later to give you a backrub. Oh, and I’ve hired a personal secretary for you. Can I get you another beer? Here, this one’s real cold. You take it easy while the game’s on and they said the bigscreen would be here by 4:00. Have a nice day and check those lotto tickets! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/5 "2002-10-31T15:51:47Z")
That’s wonderful, Shodan! Here, I’ve made you some cookies. A couple of beauty queens are coming over later to give you a backrub. Oh, and I’ve hired a personal secretary for you. Can I get you another beer? Here, this one’s real cold. You take it easy while the game’s on and they said the bigscreen would be here by 4:00. Have a nice day and check those lotto tickets! ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/6 "2002-10-31T16:08:43Z")
OG be praised. Keep the post count at an even 1K. It may limit your future involvement, but it’s an asthetically pleasing ending to your dynasty. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/7 "2002-10-31T16:14:29Z")
Admit it, **lieu** - you double-posted just to make me feel better towards the hamsters. Anyway, no more beer, thank you, I have to take **Shodan-ette** out trick-or-treating later today. But since the cookies are still warm… **tomndebb** - I would flame you royally, but we all know the moderators give special treatment to members of the Inner Clique. You know, like **us**. The ones with _lots_ of posts. The Few. The Proud. The Verbose. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/8 "2002-10-31T18:06:20Z")
What’s that sound? It’s like I hear someone screaming, only it’s really muted. Like they’re buried under 4 meters of solid rocks, or something. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/9 "2002-10-31T18:18:31Z")
I hear him, **Coldfire** , a raving madman atop his mount. Oh, how I shall miss the serene days of a lesser **Shodan** , languid in the wretched pool of stinking bile that is those lacking the magnificent postcounts of yore. For he now reborn a pontificating, verbose monarch of his own ego. The newbies shall safely cower beneath the nonsensical vitriol he spews forth at those who earn his ire … And nobody else will care. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/10 "2002-10-31T19:14:48Z")
Aha, **Gorgon Heap** , but your opinion is of no moment to me. For **I** have more posts than **you**. When you have my experience, you will understand. Bwahahahahaha! Regards, Shodan > [@](#): > > I am Sir Oracle. When I ope my lips, let no dog bark. - _The Merchant of Venice_, Act I, Scene I. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/11 "2002-10-31T19:22:37Z")
“When I shall die, let this of me be said: His sins were scarlet, but his posts were read.” – Hilaire Belloc (IIRC), slightly altered. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/12 "2002-10-31T21:21:05Z")
Enter the TRUE Newbie. Indeed, with my pathetic 200-odd posts, I do not deserve even to cross the threshold of a thread so peopled by the older, wiser gurus of Dope. With their white beards and doleful eyes, these sages guide me through the harrowing coming-of-age trials that dog my every step. And do I revere them? Need one even ask? I drop to the floor in humble genuflection before their typographical magnificence! I weep with gratitude at the mere possibility that I may have an opportunity to read (and even respond to) their words of priceless wisdom! It is too good to be true. If pearls were never before cast before swine, they are cast now, as I partake of the preeminence, profundity and perspicacity of previous posts. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/13 "2002-10-31T21:45:18Z")
Of course, only a **real** newbie would post a post count party in the pit disguised as a ‘flame me, I kin take it’ thread. ::Gazing over in contentment at her **own** post count:: ::realizing that since she and **Shodan** joined about the same time, while he’s only got a mere thousand, while I have (well, much, much more than that)… that can mean: A. She’s got **much** more to say than **Shodan** or B. She’s got that much **less** of a life than **Shodan**. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/14 "2002-10-31T22:04:50Z")
Oooooooh, Wring, what shall we ever do? He has a thousand posts. How could we ever hope to compete with that? Do you think we’ll ever reach 1000? ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/15 "2002-10-31T22:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Oooooooh, Wring, what shall we ever do? He has a thousand posts. How could we ever hope to compete with that? > \*\* Hmmm - hire strippers??? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/16 "2002-10-31T22:20:28Z")
To shred his threads and attack his post? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/17 "2002-10-31T23:39:36Z")
Bring ME into it! 1000 posts! Bah! Your puny little posts are no match for ME!!! MWHAHAHAHAH! **mods drag Guin off to the nuthouse** ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/18 "2002-11-01T00:02:11Z")
Sho: those are less-than-attractive shoes you’re wearing. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/19 "2002-11-01T00:02:11Z")
I am the truer newbie! arrrrrrrrghhhhh… ---
**Author:** ![IcicleFuzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ba8739/32.png) [@IcicleFuzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IcicleFuzz)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2002, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708/20 "2002-11-01T00:29:27Z")
Oh yeah? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-me-will-you-i-laugh/134708.md?page=2)