# Flame War Rules **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 3, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973 "2000-01-03T22:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ChrisCTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/1 "2000-01-03T22:03:00Z")
Borrowed this from another message board. Feel free to add crucial items that haven’t been covered. **Flame War Rules** 1. Accuse the other party of your worst faults. 2. Insist that you are an avatar of the Truth and that the other person is Falsehood incarnate, or at least “misled.” 3. Dwell on errors. Correct them in others at every opportunity. 4. Never apologize unequivocably. If forced to apologize, justify yourself in a way that makes it sound like the other party was responsible for your actions. 5. Write in such a way that the other party looks stupid if they don’t respond. 6. Try to be many things at once, so that you can deny everything that is said about you. Say the same thing over and over again. 7. Always strive to get the last word. 8. Never let a debate rest. Never allow the other party to withdraw without making it clear that they have lost. 9. Insist that you are misunderstood. 10. If you can’t find something to flame the person about, make something up. Convince yourself that you see the “real” motives. 11. Remember: Winning is everything. * * * “Wednesday the 15th - Chris made one of her rare good points today.” _Guanolad_ ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/2 "2000-01-03T22:24:00Z")
1. Drag in some dead horse from another flame war (Particularly if you “won” it). 2. Accuse them of posting from work, hence wasting their employers resources, thus proving them to be immoral. ---
**Author:** ![dlv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dlv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dlv)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/3 "2000-01-03T22:46:00Z")
1. Complain to TubaDiva so she’ll delete the offending post. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/4 "2000-01-03T22:49:00Z")
1. Assume a new identity to agree wholeheartedly with yourself. 2. Repeat #15 as necessary. * * * Easy one-step assembly instructions. Pour **Beer A** in **Uncle B**. ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/5 "2000-01-03T22:52:00Z")
1. If you suddenly discover that you are out of your league and a humiliating loss is imminent, just say “I was **kidding**!!!” * * * If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/6 "2000-01-03T23:19:00Z")
1. Post grossly extrapolated Bible citations to back up your views. 2. Duck for cover 😉 * * * Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/7 "2000-01-03T23:47:00Z")
1. Don’t respond to the good arguments the other poster made 2. Dwell on a mistake in the post which is not relevant to the argument. Alternately, if such a mistake does not exist, change his arguments to something completely different from their orignial meaning and point out the mistake in the new ones. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/8 "2000-01-04T01:03:00Z")
22 : Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Oh, wait … never mind … * * * Saint Eutychus [www.disneyshorts.org](http://www.disneyshorts.org) ---
**Author:** ![Erroneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71c47a/32.png) [@Erroneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erroneous)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/9 "2000-01-04T02:54:00Z")
456: Throw something in that doesn’t logically follow anything that’s come before. ---
**Author:** ![dlv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dlv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dlv)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/10 "2000-01-04T03:07:00Z")
Quote the opponent, deliberately introducing S&G errors. Comment at length on the errors. ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/11 "2000-01-04T03:19:00Z")
1. Exaggerate your credentials. If you passed high school algebra, claim to be a professor. 2. If someone else has better credentials than you do, his are fake. Insist on proof. 24a. If shown proof, his experience is “irrelevant”. – Sylence * * * I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/12 "2000-01-04T09:26:00Z")
1. Always demand more than you are prepared to deliver, thereby revealing your opponent’s paucity of preparedness. 25a. When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. (With apologies to E. Leiderbach, should he be listening.) Dr. Watson “Whaddaya mean yer allergic to latex?” ---
**Author:** ![Navigator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4af34b/32.png) [@Navigator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Navigator)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/13 "2000-01-04T17:22:00Z")
1. answer a question with a question * * * † Jon † Phillipians 4:13 ---
**Author:** ![pqlier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@pqlier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pqlier)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/14 "2000-01-04T21:30:00Z")
why? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/15 "2000-01-04T21:31:00Z")
1. Sprinkle your posts liberally with fucking inappropriate cursing. ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/16 "2000-01-04T21:45:00Z")
1. refer to felching in every other post * * * “People must think it must be fun to be a super genuis, But they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” – Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) _/_ ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/17 "2000-01-04T21:47:00Z")
yeah, you masochistic frog felchers! * * * “People must think it must be fun to be a super genuis, But they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” – Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) _/_ ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/18 "2000-01-04T21:47:00Z")
1. TYPE EVERYTHING IN CAPS TO SHOW YOU’RE REALLY SERIOUS. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/19 "2000-01-04T22:13:00Z")
1. Be derisive, sarcastic, patronizing, or faux-bored in your response, so as to attempt to make your opponent’s point seem stupid and/or unworthy of a substantive response. 2. If your opponent does not agree with you, insist he or she does not understand your point, misread your point, or is ignoring your point. Do not, however, articulate how you were misunderstood, misread, or ignored. 3. Do not exhibit any sense of humor. If your opponent makes a comment making light of the debate subject or, God forbid, of you, take immediate offense and then over-react. * * * Jodi _Fiat Justitia_ ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973/20 "2000-01-04T22:17:00Z")
1. Post your daily prayer in GD. * * * Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flame-war-rules/3973.md?page=2)