# Flat tire + Mocking Swine on a bicycle = DIE-DIE-DIEEEEEE! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 26, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330 "2007-12-26T23:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/1 "2007-12-26T23:37:57Z")
Urge to **kill**! Eyes burning like **Death rays**! I go out to bring home a carry-out pizza. I turn onto our street. BANG! The side of the tire blows out on a curve. This, BTW, is a _new tire_, less than a month old. :mad: :smack: So, I get out, collect the pizza, & start walking home, so Dad won’t go without a hot supper. This Ass rides up, on a bicycle. big stupid grin, fugle teeth, hair like a toothbrush. Say yeclept Ass:_Car don’ work? You stupid!_ I ignore him. _Stupid-stupid-stupid!_ I grit my teeth, keep walking. _Hey mister! Why don’t you push your car home? HA-Ha-Ha-HAAA!_ Death builds in my heart, first hot, then cold & black. _Flap your arms & fly the car home! Suck the tailpipe! Your car ugly! You ugly! Stupid-stupid-stupid!_ He never gets within arm’s reach, so I don’t even try. He finally goes away when I walk into my driveway. I never saw him before, & I never want to see the little fucktard again. **YEEEEE- AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH! DIE! O’ SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED ONE!** And the fucking spare was flat, too! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Dying\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dying\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dying_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/2 "2007-12-27T00:09:23Z")
Wow. What a little cumstain. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/3 "2007-12-27T00:25:32Z")
Are you not aware that the four cornered pizza box can act as a large ninja throwing star? What a shitball. Sorry you had to put up with that. Check the spare when you change your oil though, it saves headaches. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/4 "2007-12-27T01:20:05Z")
Am I the only one who thought of Nelson? Edit: The dude was an asshole. Sorry for your misfortune, OP. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/5 "2007-12-27T01:23:42Z")
[QUOTE=brownie55] Are you not aware that the four cornered pizza box can act as a large ninja throwing star? [/QUOTE] And if the crust of a slice is hard enough, jam it through the spokes. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/6 "2007-12-27T03:24:08Z")
Depending on how old the biker was, it sounds like maybe he’s developmentally challenged. (Can I say “retarded” in the Pit?) There’s a kid in his 20’s who rides his bike all over a town nearby, yelling at people and generally being a PITA. He can’t help it. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/7 "2007-12-27T03:35:32Z")
I put way less miles on my bike than my car in a year, yet I know with certainty that I’ll have, on average, two flats a year. Follow him. You’ll get your revenge soon. ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/8 "2007-12-27T03:47:51Z")
When young maggots start out in life, they aspire to spend as much time as they can consuming rotten meat and feces. The ones that _fail_ end up hovering around people and annoying them. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/9 "2007-12-27T06:37:40Z")
I’m also curious about how old this person was. By your description, he sounds like he’s either a child or mentally disabled. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/10 "2007-12-27T07:15:44Z")
Oh, I had a heckler this summer when I was changing a tire. Difference was, I was on a bike and he was walking. Walking with his head turned more than 90 degrees so that he could heckle. Walked straight into a lamppost, that one did. I sure do love instant justice. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/11 "2007-12-27T13:21:39Z")
[QUOTE=Sublight] I’m also curious about how old this person was. By your description, he sounds like he’s either a child or mentally disabled. [/QUOTE] Adult. Didn’t seem to have problems, beyond being a Human Hemorrhoid/Tapeworm Hybrid. Had an unidentified accent. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/12 "2007-12-27T13:36:51Z")
I’d a said, "At least I can drive. _And_ I have pizza. And you ain’t gettin’ any. And I ain’t just talkin’ 'bout pizza." ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/13 "2007-12-27T13:55:11Z")
Look at it this way. He will never get more successful in life than where he is now. He was an annoying little insect and you did right in ignoring him. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/14 "2007-12-27T14:41:54Z")
If you had gone ahead and changed the tire, you would have had a tire iron in your hand. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/15 "2007-12-27T14:58:51Z")
Bosda, you should have dropped that fucking pizza and kicked the guys ass. Even if it backfired, and he kicked YOUR ass, you’d be better off for it. These people here telling you that you did the right thing by ignorning the guy are wrong. You need to fucking stand up for yourself, dude. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![puppygod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@puppygod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puppygod)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/16 "2007-12-27T15:31:20Z")
To quote Max from Sam & Max comic: > [@](#): > > **MAX:** The goons are riding motorcycles, but we’ve got a WHOLE, BIG METAL CAR! This will be like STEPPING ON ANTS! > **SAM:** It wouldn’t be sporting to just run over them… would it? > **MAX:** Yes… yes, it would! Your day will come 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/17 "2007-12-27T18:01:43Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Bosda, you should have dropped that fucking pizza and kicked the guys ass. Even if it backfired, and he kicked YOUR ass, you’d be better off for it. These people here telling you that you did the right thing by ignorning the guy are wrong. You need to fucking stand up for yourself, dude. Seriously. [/QUOTE] I’m going to go along with \*\*Winston \*\* here. People don’t do things like that to me, but I don’t give off the victim vibe probably because I look like I’d end up kicking that dudes ass with his own bicycle. Which I would. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/18 "2007-12-27T18:11:01Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Bosda, you should have dropped that fucking pizza and kicked the guys ass. Even if it backfired, and he kicked YOUR ass, you’d be better off for it. These people here telling you that you did the right thing by ignorning the guy are wrong. You need to fucking stand up for yourself, dude. Seriously. [/QUOTE] If you consider a person who yells “you stupid” at you from a bicycle someone who needs to be stood up to, you need a new sense of perspective. People who stand up to losers aren’t men. They’re petty. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/19 "2007-12-27T18:17:50Z")
[QUOTE=Trunk] If you consider a person who yells “you stupid” at you from a bicycle someone who needs to be stood up to, you need a new sense of perspective. People who stand up to losers aren’t men. They’re petty. [/QUOTE] I don’t view it as standing up to someone. In life, certain actions merit an ass-kicking. Aside from normal social rules, there are reasons most people don’t act like the guy in the OP’s story. I have no doubt whatsoever if this happened in the town I grew up in, that guy would have had his ass kicked, period. In many other places I live, I can’t imagine someone doing that. In some of the bigger cities I’ve lived in I’d question the bike rider’s sanity and fear a murder happening over something like that. I’m not saying that’s the way things should be, no one should be killed for being an asshole. But that guy _needed_ an ass kicking. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330/20 "2007-12-27T18:20:37Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Look at it this way. He will never get more successful in life than where he is now. [/QUOTE] Idiotic man-child with nothing to do, who enjoys shouting ungrammatical insults at complete strangers? Within five years he’ll have his own VH1 reality show. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flat-tire-mocking-swine-on-a-bicycle-die-die-dieeeeee/431330.md?page=2)