# Flatulence etiquette in department stores? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2024, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308 "2024-11-16T00:29:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ellecram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellecram/32/18948_2.png) [@Ellecram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellecram)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/21 "2024-11-16T04:48:37Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > 3rd degree burns on the cheeks might be hard to explain at the ER. LOL I was so afraid that something would catch fire! ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/22 "2024-11-16T09:57:58Z")
Couple of years ago, a coworker absolutely let one rip. Her reaction was legendary. In the calmest voice you can imagine, she simply said, “Oh, did you hear what that asshole said behind my back?” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/23 "2024-11-16T10:10:51Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > One of the highest pitched pooters I ever let out. It hit a G note, or whatever the highest note on a flute. That’s a C note, three octaves above middle C. Yes, I play flute. Hey, we fight ignorance here, right? > [@stui\_magpie](#): > > If you hear over the PA system that there’s a person the ground choking in the aisle you just left, it was clearly a good one. “Cleanup on Aisle 3 …” ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/24 "2024-11-16T16:04:26Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > He did tell the story of a small, tiny little egg fart he had at church one time. Wooden pew. > Resounded allover the sanctuary. Rattled the stained glass. > Church ladies had tears in their eyes, for a couple of reasons. When I was a kid I ripped one of in church, while the preacher was praying. It made him lose his train of thought. The almighty was probably up there laughing. It was all bark and no bite, though. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/25 "2024-11-16T21:39:20Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > In a department store, well you takes your chances. It’s the wild west. > > I’m just glad no one crapped on the floor at my Walmart. Back when we still had dressing rooms in the clothing department (covid ended those) we had periodic problems with people mistaking those cubicles for the toilets. Still have the occasional frail elderly person with incontinence problems in the waiting area for the Pharmacy department. These situations are why we had biohazard clean up supplies years before covid. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/26 "2024-11-16T21:41:49Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > 3rd degree burns on the cheeks might be hard to explain at the ER I’m sure the ER has seen it. Lord knows they’ve seen everything else. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2024, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/27 "2024-11-16T23:31:39Z")
Thank goodness hippos don’t frequent department stores. 😉 [Hippo Roar and Fart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBTDIertZ28) ---
**Author:** ![Eric1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@Eric1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eric1)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/28 "2024-11-17T00:11:31Z")
I was walking through a library and unintentionally farted with a booming sound. My friend was working at the adjacent reference desk. She said my name and pointed to her sign ‘Quiet Please’ with her finger to her lips. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/29 "2024-11-17T00:21:10Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Still have the occasional frail elderly person with incontinence problems in the waiting area for the Pharmacy department. Why every pharmacy or pharmacy dept does not have a nearby bathroom I will never know. Kinda by definition, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/30 "2024-11-17T00:37:14Z")
Long ago my wife and I attended a Lamaze class so she could learn how to birth a baby. We were one of maybe 10 couples, all seated on the floor in a circle, with the instructor in the middle. She was demonstrating different positions that the mother may adopt during the birthing process. It is important to pause here and recognize that the room was very, very quiet. Anyway, the instructor is lying on her back. She says one good method is to hold your feet in your hands and draw them toward your chest. She demonstrates. As she pulled her ankles down she let out a very loud, perfectly timed fart. It was as if jerking her ankles pulled the fart-trigger. She did not acknowledge it, she kept right on going. Nobody in the crowd said a word nor made eye contact. We did laugh about it in the car ride all the way home, though. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/31 "2024-11-17T01:34:17Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > But then I wondered what was the PROPER way to handle such situations? Look, just try not to blow the merchandise down, ok? ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/32 "2024-11-17T03:34:58Z")
Decades ago, my brother used to come to town on occasion for business. He’d stay in a local hotel, and we’d hang out for dinner and drinks. I’d usually crash in his hotel room. On one occasion, he was accompanied by a rather buttoned down IT exec (in a 3pc suit, w/a ponytail). After dinner and the aforementioned drinks, we were all headed up to the floor on which our rooms were located to have a couple more ‘ain’t nobody driving’ pops. The three of us rode up in a reasonably crowded elevator. When it stopped on our floor, my brother and his client exited the elevator car. I hung back slightly, and – just as the door was closing – broke unholy wind, and then left the car. Feeling pretty proud of myself, and sad for the fallen I had just left behind, I regained my composure and quick-stepped it to catch up with the two guys. “Nice leave,” said the buttoned-up guy with the ponytail. “Excuse me?” I replied. “Nice leave back there,” he continued. “You got 'em just as the doors were shutting, didn’t you?” I cracked up. He turned out to be a _very_ cool guy. Just own it. No wild gesticulations or self-deprecating (defecating?) speeches necessary. Just a slight sense of self-satisfied pride will do. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/33 "2024-11-17T04:31:23Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > That’s a C note, three octaves above middle C. Yes, I play flute. I admire the ones that sound like a balloon animal asking a question. ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/34 "2024-11-17T13:17:50Z")
Many years ago I let loose, much like the OP, with a loud high-pitched fart after trying to hold it in. This was in a job interview. After a two or three second pause, during which I was trying to decide whether to apologize or just say nothing, the guy interviewing me burst out with a loud, short guffaw. Then he said “should I open a window?” I didn’t get the job. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/35 "2024-11-17T13:49:46Z")
Or hippos (or horses) that are [fed Beef-a-reeno](https://youtu.be/Y2TMsozaPXo?feature=shared). ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/36 "2024-11-17T14:07:18Z")
I do feel sorry for those trapped in a lift with a fart. [Farting Animals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtSD0uqcCdk) ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/37 "2024-11-17T19:59:30Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > “Lighting farts”? > > Is this what I think it is? YouTube! ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2024, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/38 "2024-11-17T21:09:57Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > In the calmest voice you can imagine, she simply said, “Oh, did you hear what that asshole said behind my back?” My Favorite is, “The voice has changed, but the breath’s the same” ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2024, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/39 "2024-11-19T07:37:53Z")
My Dad had a good one, which younger people won’t get. A little more choke that would have started. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2024, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308/40 "2024-11-20T08:39:38Z")
This is using a simple fart device 🤨 [Elevator Farts 1 | Jack Vale - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2JI0k9HuZk) Apparently if you fart at home, you blame it on the dog “Bad dog, Rover!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flatulence-etiquette-in-department-stores/1010308.md?page=3)