# (flinch) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800 "2001-08-03T16:47:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/1 "2001-08-03T16:47:04Z")
just a word to the wise. BenGay is not a suitable substitue for shortning. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/2 "2001-08-03T16:51:08Z")
yet another: Don’t chop jalapenos and masturbate in the same day. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/3 "2001-08-03T16:53:34Z")
And, I might add, light sockets are not nearly as tasty as they look. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/4 "2001-08-03T17:00:34Z")
That filet knife isn’t the thing to use to get that annoying booger out of your nose. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/5 "2001-08-03T17:14:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*yet another: > Don’t chop jalapenos and masturbate in the same day. \*\* I’m thinking you could pull this off, if done in the right order. At the very least, put down the knife first. ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/6 "2001-08-03T17:45:07Z")
Never ever ever cook bacon if you are naked :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/7 "2001-08-03T17:52:19Z")
If you’re wondering why the chamber full of hairspray won’t ignite, don’t look into it to attempt to find out whether the spark is going off. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/8 "2001-08-03T18:48:18Z")
While spackle might BE the same consistency, just add a little more oatmeal to make it less runny. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/9 "2001-08-03T18:52:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*ultrafilter \*\* > If you’re wondering why the chamber full of hairspray won’t ignite, don’t look into it to attempt to find out whether the spark is going off. The same applies to morters. \ Speaking of BenGay, it’s not a suitable substitute for PrepH, either. Or Vagisil. ---
**Author:** ![plasticbryan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@plasticbryan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plasticbryan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/10 "2001-08-03T18:56:04Z")
When out in the woods, don’t use that three-pointed leaf as toilet paper. ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/11 "2001-08-03T18:59:12Z")
no matter how bored you are, never kill time by trying to figure out how much water you can drink in one sitting before you overdose. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/12 "2001-08-03T19:23:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > \*\*just a word to the wise. > > BenGay is not a suitable substitue for shortning. \*\* And did you see the new Icy/Hot product? It comes in a “convenient application stick” now. The thing looks JUST LIKE A FRIGGIN’ SPEED STICK!!! WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!? Don’t get the two confused, EVER! ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/13 "2001-08-03T19:51:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Briminator \* > \*\*Never ever ever cook bacon if you are naked \*\* …or wield a staple gun. And interesting point has arisen from juxtaposing two posts here: Don’t masturbate with that three pointed leaf, either. Or with a filet knife. Or with a light socket. Or with a mortar gun. Or with oatmeal. ---
**Author:** ![Opengrave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Opengrave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opengrave)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/14 "2001-08-03T19:54:52Z")
If you are sleeping on the _very top_ bunk, don’t zip you sleeping bag all the way to the top. Breaking your fall is much easier if you can use your hands or feet. ---
**Author:** ![Opengrave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Opengrave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opengrave)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/15 "2001-08-03T19:56:50Z")
oh yeah, While riding your motorcycle in the dark it is wise to have someone make sure the fence gate is open before you try to go through it at 40mph. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/16 "2001-08-03T20:01:27Z")
Do _not_ eat steamed crabs if you have papercuts or open hangnails. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/17 "2001-08-03T20:07:46Z")
If you’re trying to avoid possible arrest, don’t wear a furry bikini to a Bears game. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/18 "2001-08-03T20:11:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paul The Younger \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > > \*\*yet another: > > Don’t chop jalapenos and masturbate in the same day. \*\* > > I’m thinking you could pull this off, if done in the right order. > > At the very least, put down the knife first. \*\* He said “pull this off.” ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/19 "2001-08-03T20:13:02Z")
Never use a double-wheeled bench grinder to sharpen a machete. Never leave a rake lying teeth up on the ground. Never try to slam dunk by putting an empty five gallon bucket upside down in front of the goal. Never put your hand behind the surface you’re cutting with a jigsaw to brace yourself. If you’re falling off a ladder with a hammer in your hand, throw the hammer away from yourself _and_ your expected point of impact. Never assume the guy on the backhoe always knows where you are. Always cut away from your body with a box knife. When unhooking a trailer from a pickup, do not reach under the tailgate when four bags of concrete are resting on it. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/20 "2001-08-03T20:17:13Z")
when draining spaghetti, always wear more than just your bra and panties never ride a tricycle with roller skates on [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800.md?page=2)