# (flinch) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800 "2001-08-03T16:47:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![frock75](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@frock75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/frock75)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/41 "2001-08-04T03:21:36Z")
Do not sit naked on the couch with two playful kittens. ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/42 "2001-08-04T03:58:08Z")
Do not ever, under any circumstances, mention Gilbert Gottfried, Carrot Top, David Arquette, or Joe Don Baker in conjunction with the words talented, good, or excellent except in a negative manner. Pork is not a verb. -Brianjedi ---
**Author:** ![bashere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@bashere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bashere)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/43 "2001-08-04T05:04:30Z")
Do not feed a Great Dane enough garlic to get rid of his fleas. Do not be the second person to fire walk Do not taunt happy fun ball. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/44 "2001-08-04T05:31:49Z")
Do not light this cascade and throw it into this box of fireworks. Do not attempt to make major alterations to your PC settings when you’ve been up for 20 + hours. Do not jab a meat thermometer into your ear to see how far it will go. Do not attempt to clean under your fingernails with a running chainsaw. Do not hit a bodybuilder in the testicles and then ask, “Did that hurt?” Do not become a famous Hollywood actor and then join some whacked out religious cult which was started by a science fiction author. Do not tell your single mother that she should get herself a boyfriend and, “let him bang the cobwebs out of that thing.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/45 "2001-08-04T06:06:09Z")
Do not attempt to hold a spooked cat - throw it as far away from you as possible, as fast as possible. Your arms (legs, face, neck, stomach) will thank you. A corollary - don’t spook a cat that someone else is holding. Do not try to stop the vehicle you were pushing from rolling back down a hill; it might seem doable at the time, but it is not. Ever. There’s a reason we don’t stop cars with our feet like Fred Flintstone. When someone says “Phew - does that ever stink. Here, smell it (or taste it)!” - don’t. Take their word on this one. When trying to pull something loose, don’t pull towards your face. I think we all know what happens with that. Never stick anything up your nose that is not your finger. Never try to do anything remotely athletic after drinking. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but it isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/46 "2001-08-04T15:57:43Z")
[list] [li] **Do Not** stick your finger into one of the can opener holes on a can of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup “just to get a taste”.[/li] [li] **Do Not** run hot water on your finger in the mistaken belief it will help you get your stuck finger _out_ of one of the can opener holes on a can of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup.[/li] **Do Not** , while sitting bored & frustrated, waiting for you water-swollen finger to shirk in size so you can remove it from the one of the can opener holes in a can of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, **DO NOT** stick your _other index finger_ into the _other can opener hole_ on the can of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup. I don’t care how good it tastes, I don’t care how hungry you’ve gotten. Nothing but tears can come of this. _Trust me._ ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/47 "2001-08-04T18:28:59Z")
If you cannot find your toothbrush, do not attempt to make do by squirting toothpaste directly into your mouth onto your tongue. No good can come of that. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/48 "2001-08-04T18:31:41Z")
Do not look into laser with remaining eyeball ---
**Author:** ![Fogglethorpe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Fogglethorpe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fogglethorpe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/49 "2001-08-04T19:34:18Z")
It is a monumentally BAD idea to take a laxative and sleeping pills at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/50 "2001-08-04T19:51:35Z")
Don’t put that in your mouth - you don’t know where it’s been! Don’t mouth off to me, young man! Don’t even think what I know you’re thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Fogglethorpe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Fogglethorpe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fogglethorpe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/51 "2001-08-04T20:29:14Z")
Never date a girl who pees standing up. Never date a girl who can kick your ass. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/52 "2001-08-04T21:41:08Z")
Never climb on top of a six foot high playhouse to read. When someone catches you up there and screams, you will get startled, fall off and break your wrist. Never drink Jagermeister when hanging out with ex-boyfriends you still find physically attractive. Never put on Kotex adhesive side up. When getting thrown off a horse,don’t try to land on your feet. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/53 "2001-08-04T21:59:51Z")
Never use physical comedy to lighten up a tense situation with a street gang. Particularly, don’t grab the guy’s nose and shout “Got your nose! Got your nose!” before releasing it and sighing in a wistful, fatherly way. Never use football colours to make a personal statement of individuality. Not in Glasgow, anyway. NNNNever trust a stranger with your heaaaaaaaart. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/54 "2001-08-05T01:42:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tygr \* > Don’t masturbate with that three pointed leaf, either. > > … > > Or with oatmeal. I dunno, Tygr, I think it might work, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Kalashnikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kalashnikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalashnikov)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/55 "2001-08-05T02:31:46Z")
Never put your rifle into a foam lined gun case immediately after firing several 30-round magazines through it. If you stumble when you are standing near a running motorcycle, do not break your fall by placing your hand on the exhaust pipe. ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/56 "2001-08-05T02:36:31Z")
Don’t stick your face where your head won’t go and beware the silver stallion. [sup]From a wall hanging a friend made and posted on his office wall, along with about 20 other philosophies to live by.[/sup] Corrolary: Do not ask what a “silver stallion” is. You really don’t want to know. If you know what it is, you wish you didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Cleophus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@Cleophus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cleophus)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/57 "2001-08-05T03:03:30Z")
Never try to remove expansion cards from a PC chassis by pushing on the backplate of the card. Never place your hands anywhere near your groin after handling Ben-Gay. Or, for that matter, anywhere near your face. Note: If you fence, never swing the foil in a circle before thrusting. If you miss, the foil slapping the side of your opponent will cause pain. Besides, the idea is to strike with the point. (I don’t do this, but one of my opponents did. At the end of the bout, I wanted to shove the foil up his ass handle-end first.) Always exercise restraint when drinking milkshakes. Consuming more than two, plus dinner, is a sure way to tie up the bathroom vomiting. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/58 "2001-08-05T07:50:04Z")
Never ride a horse bareback and without a halter/bridle, near your slap-happy little sister, in an enclosed pen, who goes from 0-gallop in just .5 seconds, and decide that a good place to fall off would be right…_there_, yes, right _there_, near the 2 giant blocks of salt and hard wooden post. ---
**Author:** ![Fogglethorpe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Fogglethorpe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fogglethorpe)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800/59 "2001-08-05T14:39:06Z")
NEVER lick the drano lid… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/flinch/74800.md?page=2)