# Florida is Officially Fucked **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2020, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781 "2020-09-29T02:09:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/21 "2020-09-29T18:41:09Z")
We’re about 50 miles north of Miami. A couple of years ago, in a community right at the edge of the Everglades, a coyote made off with a small dog as the owner watched in stunned horror. Florida, man. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/22 "2020-09-29T18:48:05Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > I have a friend from college who lives just south of Miami. A reptile ate her dog right in her own back yard. No thanks, this northern girl will stay right here where our winters prevent the proliferation of many of the things that sting and crawl and fly and bite. If you head out west, watch out for buffalo strippers. > **[Bison rips pants off woman in violent attack caught on video](https://nypost.com/2020/08/14/bison-rips-pants-off-woman-in-violent-attack-caught-on-video/)** > > A furious bison knocked out a motorcyclist who came too close to her calf — and added insult to injury by pantsing her too, startling video shows. The beast attacked the 54-year-old Iowa woman at C… ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/23 "2020-09-29T20:11:58Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > this northern girl will stay right here where our winters … … will kill 100% of people with 100% certainty if you get trapped outdoors overnight. There is nothing nearly that lethal in FL, and that includes our famous hurricanes and all the wildlfe. My motto: never live someplace you can’t comfortably survive 24 hours outdoors buck naked. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/24 "2020-09-29T21:48:44Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > > [@Jasmine](#): > > > > this northern girl will stay right here where our winters … > > … > My motto: never live someplace you can’t comfortably survive 24 hours outdoors buck naked. So Orlando, Miami, Jacksonville and Tampa are out. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Wiggler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/red_wiggler/32/13190_2.png) [@Red\_Wiggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Wiggler)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/25 "2020-09-29T22:16:07Z")
How does one reach the age of 54 without realizing how dangerous it could be to approach large wild animals? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/26 "2020-09-29T22:19:04Z")
> [@Red\_Wiggler](#): > > How does one reach the age of 54 without realizing how dangerous it could be to approach large wild animals? - “Let me finish this beer and I’ll show you.” That or too many Disney movies. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2020, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/27 "2020-09-29T22:36:08Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > “Despite the state’s fluctuating positivity rate, DeSantis has said Florida plans to move forward with hosting “a full Super Bowl” in Tampa in February.” I fully expect the NFL will say, “Fuck that noise, we’re playing someplace else.” Especially since the likelihood is that the infection rate will be higher than ever by then, given what’s happening _now_. And if they don’t, I suspect a lot of the players will say it instead. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/28 "2020-09-30T02:45:30Z")
> [@ekedolphin](#): > > DeSantis is actively killing members of his constituency. Putin’s lien on Mar-A-Lago ain’t gonna pay itself off, you know. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/29 "2020-09-30T03:32:41Z")
Florida was “officially fucked” LONG ago. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/30 "2020-09-30T06:25:54Z")
> [@ataraxy22](#): > > He wants to kill off all those red seniors to make FL go blue. Actually, with Trump’s response to Covid-19 and his cutting the funding stream for Social Security, recent polls show that many of those seniors have already gone blue on their own. So maybe he & Trump want to kill off those seniors before they can vote. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/31 "2020-09-30T11:31:05Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > If you head out west, watch out for buffalo strippers. I must confess that I’m invariably on the side of the animals in cases like this. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/32 "2020-09-30T14:48:37Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > > [@Czarcasm](#): > > > > Avoid Florida like the plague: > > This has been good advice for the last 3 decades. Nah. Before it was more “avoid it like an alligator infested swamp.” The plague is De Santis’s fault. My state isn’t great, with its very holey mask requirements–i.e. basically unenforceable. But it’s still better than Florida. Before, we mostly only said we were better than Alabama. ---
**Author:** ![FinsToTheLeft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finstotheleft/32/2930_2.png) [@FinsToTheLeft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinsToTheLeft)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/33 "2020-09-30T15:17:11Z")
> [@Daithi\_Lacha](#): > > We’re about 50 miles north of Miami. A couple of years ago, in a community right at the edge of the Everglades, a coyote made off with a small dog as the owner watched in stunned horror. > > Florida, man. I live in the middle of a Canadian city with 3M+ people, this is not an unusual occurrence. Having a snake eat the coyote, which is then swallowed whole by a gator would be unusual here. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/34 "2020-09-30T19:38:02Z")
> [@Daithi\_Lacha](#): > > We’re about 50 miles north of Miami. A couple of years ago, in a community right at the edge of the Everglades, a coyote made off with a small dog as the owner watched in stunned horror. > > Florida, man. A few months ago here in California, in a suburb just outside of San Francisco, a woman walking her dog in a park was stalked and surrounded by a pack of coyotes. Luckily, a groundskeeper saw them and ran them off in his pick up. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2020, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/35 "2020-09-30T19:42:21Z")
I know someone who is leaving the authoritarian hellhole of Massachusetts to live in Florida specifically because they don’t force ineffective profiteering things like masks or vaccines on people just because some government people and doctors want to steal your money. They keep their regulations off of families’ bodies! I mean, if there’s going to be a place where these folks want to self-select to, it might as well be Florida. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/36 "2020-10-01T01:31:19Z")
"Florida reported a spike in new coronavirus cases Tuesday, just days after Gov. Ron DeSantis signed an executive order allowing restaurants and bars to operate at full capacity. New cases surged to 3,266 from the 738 reported Monday, according to the state’s health department. That’s the highest one-day number since September 19. DeSantis lifted restrictions on bars and residents Friday, and scenes of crowded bars and restaurants played out around the state over the weekend." [CNN](https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/29/health/us-coronavirus-tuesday/index.html) ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/37 "2020-10-01T01:58:58Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > A few months ago here in California, in a suburb just outside of San Francisco, a woman walking her dog in a park was stalked and surrounded by a pack of coyotes. Luckily, a groundskeeper saw them and ran them off in his pick up. Whoa. I didn’t know coyotes, even in a pack, went after prey animals as large as a human. Or were they after the dog and it was a small dog? ---
**Author:** ![roadiejames](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b5ac83/32.png) [@roadiejames](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadiejames)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/38 "2020-10-01T05:03:31Z")
I just found the SDMB and joined. This is my first post cause I read this thread and was so relieved to have found a message board with people who think along the same lines as myself. Logical forward thinking compassionate humans. Happy to finally find a little home on the net. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/39 "2020-10-01T09:58:50Z")
I’ve lived in Florida for 25 years and I’m going to say something never said by anyone, ever: _I’d like to move back to New Jersey._ I’m high risk. My daughter is very high risk. On the rare occasions we venture out to get food, I feel like we’re entering an amusement park haunted house, where the characters are real serial killers with machetes. Mask-less idiots with no regard to social distancing pop out like Wes Craven jump scares. And, yeah, the wildlife is a barrel of laughs down here. My friend’s dog, ironically named Lucky, was eaten by a gator. Our schnoodle nearly died from a water moccasin bite. A rattler lunged at my cat. An owl flew off with another cat. I’ve been dive-bombed by water bugs the size of B-52’s. I’ve walked though webs of banana spiders the size of bananas, and a hideously hairy, butt-ugly huntsman spider jumped on my head in bed (not good encounters for an extreme arachnophobe, such as myself). And, it feels like I’ve spent more time in hurricane shelters than at home in recent years. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2020, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781/40 "2020-10-01T10:09:58Z")
…and Florida ruins your math skills, too. I’ve lived here 35 years, not 25. Wishful thinking, I guess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/florida-is-officially-fucked/921781.md?page=3)